[taoplr]

I skimmed throught this thread interested at first but soon becoming bored with it... the OP seems to have nothing better to do but argue with us how she feels... I find there to be no point. I dont think she need any help I think she is just bored and came across an interesting topic and is now playing with us... If you are serious about feeling so much pain and trying to figure out who you are then do so but mental pain is not a toy. It is and emotional and at times physical pain that most people fear enduring.

Let's wait and see. If Simone is sincere, she will show us. If she is not, she will show us. Nothing is lost. I'd like to give her the chance.

Tao

[Simone21295]

How easy is it for people to change? Are they eager to change?
Sometimes it can be hard to change because you can't always see what the result will be, and might not want to out of fear. Fear of the unknown, or fear that you might not like what you turn into. So you push away from change and when people try to push it on you, you become defensive. You start to think of all the reasons you shouldn't change and think that people are attacking you and are trying to get you to be what THEY think you should. You feel that they are imposing or maybe even forcing there ideas on you.
When people are defensive how well do they listen? I think they listen but there not trying to understand. They are trying to find a way to prove you wrong or that there way is better.
Are they in general good listeners? They listen to what they want to listen to. I believe I am like that at times.

[Simone21295]

What do I think about addressing process 1st? I don't completely understand the difference between the two. Although I do understand what your saying about each one, I still feel confused as to which one should be addressed 1st.
How does the language you use work for me? I find it hard to understand what your saying. Sometimes I feel like you are just throwing words at me until I read it over and over again several times. Then it comes to me what you are saying.

[taoplr]

what do i think about adressing process 1st? i dont completely understand the difference between the two. although i do understand what your saying about each one, i still feel confused as to which one should be addressed 1st.
how does the language you use work for me? i find it hard to understand what your saying. sometimes i feel like you are just throwing words at me until i read it over and over again several times. then it comes to me what you are saying.

Yes, you are going to have to read my posts several times before they sink in, plus doing all my assignments. We will deal with some unusual information and ideas, even for experienced adults, and the liberating power that comes with understanding will surprise you. For our effort to get you what you want, though, you will have to stretch your mind.

I will need your feedback as to whether we are communicating successfully. I invite you to question, challenge, and clarify anything and everything I tell you. Don't believe any of it until you test it yourself and find it true. Keep good notes and records of our dialog, and don't hold back on saying what is true for you.

Keep in mind that the goal is to get you to grow your capacity for understanding how people get into those dark places of depression and despair, what they find in there, and how they can get out. This is hard for anyone. Just keep the goal in front of you. If I got the goal wrong, or if you change direction, just let me know. In all cases, communicate.

OK. To tickle your thinking a little more, let's look at process in another way—with language. The words hold the content of a communication and the process is in the language. If you are in America, you can speak English, but in China, you have to speak Chinese. If you use the wrong process—speaking English to a Chinese-only person, your content can't be understood.

Then, look within any language. The process is in sentence structure (called syntax), grammar, and a bunch of non-verbal elements including speed (If someone talks too fast or slow, it becomes hard to listen to them), volume, tone of voice, body language, facial expression and many other elements. All that is process.

So, process is the first thing to pay attention to. It determines how content is received. If you say, " I feel great!" (content) but have a frown on your face (process) nobody will believe you.

OK so far?

If you use the wrong process, your words either mean nothing or get misunderstood. That's because people can only hear what comes to them in the process they are used to. If you understand that, you can start observing interactions among the people around you as well as yours. You will see many unnecessary conflicts happen because the processes people are using don't match up with each other. People might just as well be speaking French to a Chinese person.

The person I want you to watch in action, Derren Brown, is a master of process. He astounds people by communicating with them at levels of process that are unconscious for them, and so are very powerful. Watch him and see what he does. His extraordinary skill gets used for entertainment. For you to go where you want to go, and come out safely, and hopefully do some good, you will need some of that skill.

Watch him; watch the other video, read the thread I directed you to, and re-read my posts to you as many times as necessary for your understanding to click.

Last point for now: Regarding change, you are right: fear is the killer. An old saying is that when the fear of changing is greater than the pain of staying the same, nobody moves. But when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the fear oif changing, people just change.

When you have done some of that let me know what you think. You wanted problems, and now you've got some. Enjoy solving them!

tao

[Simone21295]

What I wrote in my notebook:
I just got finished watching that 1st video tao wanted me to see. I thought it was really cool and it amazed me. I think I would choose the left hemisphere. I think I'm choosing the left because I don't really comprehend what she is trying to say when talking about the right hemisphere in the end. What does she mean by "the life force power of the universe"? Is she just saying she's a person? Is she saying she is an important person in any way? Is she saying that she keeps this earth alive? What does she mean by "at one with all that is"? Does that mean she can understand everything? Does that mean she can connect with everything? I think if you choose to go in right hemisphere everything is clear to you therefore nothing is unknown that you don't want to be unknown. The right hemisphere sounds like a really happy place in the way that she described it. I think I really am afraid to be happy... (ran out of space).

[Simone21295]

If your happy you won't always stay that way because eventually you will go back. That's too much change for me. If I'm going to be happy I want to stay happy and if Im going to be sad I want to stay that way. I don't want any rollercoaster emotions. If Im happy I don't want my happiness to be taken away from me and be replaced by sadness. If Im sad I don't want it to be taken away from me and be replaced by happiness only for it to be replaced by sadness again. So I try to stay sad and in that sadness I started to wonder about the human emotions and why we have them. What are they for? What is happiness for? What is sadness for? Is it necessary to have these emotions? Ok, I need to get back on my topic about why I choose the left hemisphere. She says in your left hemisphere you become "separate from the flow" and I always liked to be my own person, doing what I want to do regardless of what everyone else is doing even if it leads me to trouble. She also says in the left hemisphere she knows who and what she is.

[cleaninglady81]

There is already something wrong with you. You Do in fact have a problem it is that you want problems Hunny YOU DO NOT WANT PROBLEMS I have them and if you want them you can have mine.

[taoplr]

what I wrote in my notebook:
I just got finished watching that 1st video tao wanted me to see. I thought it was really cool and it amazed me. I think I would choose the left hemisphere. I think I'm choosing the left because I don't really comprehend what she is trying to say when talking about the right hemisphere in the end. What does she mean by "the life force power of the universe"? Is she just saying she's a person? Is she saying she is an important person in any way? Is she saying that she keeps this earth alive?

Keep thinking. You don't have it yet. She's feeling something maybe you haven't experienced, at least not in a way that you recognize. It's like "the force" in Star Wars. The Chinese call it ch'i, also written qi, an pronounced "chee."

What does she mean by "at one with all that is"? Does that mean she can understand everything? Does that mean she can connect with everything?

She might not understand everything in an intellectual way, but she feels joined with, part of it, yes, connected with everything. This is an extraordinary state, one that people spend years meditating to achieve. She found it when her brain went haywire. That's a very important detail. It means to me that such a state of mind is very nearby all of the time.

I think if you choose to go in right hemisphere everything is clear to you therefore nothing is unknown that you don't want to be unknown. The right hemisphere sounds like a really happy place in the way that she described it. I think I really am afraid to be happy... (ran out of space).

If your happy you wont always stay that way because eventually you will go back. Thats too much change for me. If I'm going to be happy I want to stay happy and if Im going to be sad i want to stay that way. I don't want any rollercoaster emotions. If Im happy I don't want my happiness to be taken away from me and be replaced by sadness. If Im sad I don't want it to be taken away from me and be replaced by happiness only for it to be replaced by sadness again. So I try to stay sad and in that sadness I started to wonder about the human emotions and why we have them. What are they for? What is happiness for? What is sadness for? Is it necessary to have these emotions? Ok, I need to get back on my topic about why I choose the left hemisphere. She says in your left hemisphere you become "separate from the flow" and I always liked to be my own person, doing what I want to do regardless of what everyone else is doing even if it leads me to trouble. She also says in the left hemisphere she knows who and what she is.

Two realities that you might find yourself chewing on for a while, and despite your tender years, eventually digesting and coming to peace with them, (I would not have been able to accept these realities at 14, but you are another generation.) are:

Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. The only permanent reality is change. Nothing stops that. You can try to hold onto situations, ideas, beliefs, people, emotions, perceptions, and the rest of life, but you can't keep them from changing. You can influence them, slow them down, speed them up, do something about their direction. But you can't stop them from changing.

That means that the roller coaster ride happens to everybody. We get sad, happy, afraid, inspired, helpless, powerful, frustrated, fulfilled, and the next thing and the next because that's the experience of being a living person. We can be poor and get rich, famous then forgotten, sick then healthy without any action on our part or any warning. The way to ride this pony is to saddle up, mount up, and ride.

Life would be boring without this endless river of transformation from state to state. Because you are asking these questions now, instead of trying to stay sad or stay happy, neither of which you can do, you might find yourself relaxing, taking a few breaths, and telling yourself "I can do this. I can get comfortable knowing the full range of life." And you can. Accept the ups and downs, and you can have inner peace.

Emotions are part of our decision-making process and the way we know the world. They electrify our thoughts and make them tangible, not abstract. Without our emotions, our thoughts wouldn't motivate us to do anything. Our lives wouldn't seem real.

Let's go into happiness and sadness later. Now, the second reality:
Everything is paradoxical. (Two opposing truths are both true, even while they contradict each other.) You can be your own person, "separate from the flow" while being "one with everything." You can't choose the left hemisphere, because you are both hemispheres. If you are going to understand and help people, make it your business to get comfortable with paradox. Irony as well.

So far, your questions and answers tell me that you are thinking on a deep level compared to your habits, and that your youth and inexperience won't stop you from figuring out what life is and who and what you are.

I have watched that video several times, and each time, I get more understanding and appreciation. What further questions do you have about her message and my explanations?

Next, Derren Brown. Keep thinking and questioning. Relax into your learning. Let go of having a bad time, and let yourself enjoy exploring these thoughts.

Tao

[lshadylady]

Simone; You did a beautiful job explaining what Taopir had written to you. I do see where she is going with this and it is special but it is over my head too. I read about meditation but do not really study or practice it. I wish you could talk to the Dahli Lamma. From reading some of his work and listening to friends who have had met him, I bet you would really enjoy speaking of this with him. But if you are still a teenager, which is where you posted, I think some of the discussion we are having would be way over your head. But you don't want to loose it either. So I am saying again, write it all down like you are doing, and save it to look back at it as life happens and gradually learn what it is all about. I personally think you could be a great writer someday. You do it so well. Keep up the good work. Keep a Dictionary handy and look up all the words you don't understand, or use the dictionary on your PC.Keep writing Simone, It is a gift to be able to write as you do. Most young people can't spell ct, cat or kat whicever it is.

Write it all down.

[concerned_aunt]

Personally i think that if you want something to be horribly wrong with you then you my dear, already have something wrong with you.

Another problem solved and another wish granted.

I completely agree with this. If you want some emotional pain you are more than welcome to take mine! Instead of wishing for these things maybe you should just be happy that you Don't have to deal with them...

[taoplr]

Simone,

Did you quit this exploration? Was I wrong taking you seriously? Were you putting us on? Did something scare you? Or, were you sincere but found it to be too much work? Or too difficult?

Or, maybe none of that is correct. Tell us where you are, please.

Tao

[lshadylady]

Yes Simone, where are you? Did you find the answer?

[puppydoggie]

It seems you link pleasure to feeling pain, read this book- awaken the giant within by anthiony robbins its very good and may help you understand

[Telsa14]

I know you may want this but once you get it you regret it trust me I know from experience. Feeling depressed being damaged having mental illnesses a lot of times leads to suicide. I wished for some bad things to happen and they did and I regret ever thinking that because now it will never change.being mentally unstable is not cool you you get attention and all but you get watched you have very little freedom and it sucks. So be carful what you wish for.

[Simone21295]

I think this is too much for me. I can't feel it anymore. I can't think without my hormones taking control of me. My life is sort of going in a different direction. I just feel like whatever. I don't know what I want anymore.

[shazamataz]

Have you been to see a doctor or a therapist yet Simone?
You may not think it but they can really help you.

Just make an appointment at a free clinic, you might not feel like opening up to them or you may not feel like it is helping but trust me, it is!
Just give it time, get to know the therapist and open up to them.

[Chey5782]

Now that last response sounds like a teenager to me. Honey, it's natural to want to know more about life and experience life. It's not normal to only obsess about the negative things.
Life is a journey, you will experience it all in good time. For now there are millions of books you can dive into that you can learn from. I was a HUGE fan of poetry when I was a teenager, and Plath got me into a lot of black eyeliner and looking more deeply into things.

It sounds like you are starting the journey to finding your own voice. But there are healthy and unhealthy ways of doing this. Life is about the events and experiences we have, how you develop around those experiences will become what makes you, you. I hated being a teenager more than anything I have ever been though. Learning responsibility and explaining things to my friends that seemed obvious to me, making mistakes and having to accept responsibility for them.

Your post reminds me of a girl I heard give her testimony once when I was in private school. She said as a child she envied the people who had gone through things and had experiences to share, things they has been though that they could use as examples when teaching people about God. She envied that they were not naïve or innocent because they could help people because of what they had been through. Only, after going through a lot of those things herself, the only thing she wished she could take back in her life was those experiences themselves, and she cried inside for that little girl she had left behind. I never forgot that, it was certainly a,"be careful what you wish for moment." Only she lived it.

There are a lot of people in this world who dedicate their lives to helping others. Mother Teresa is a good example of this. You don't necessarily have to go through something bad or have something wrong with you to understand how a thing can work. If a, "thing" interests you, take the time to learn about it.

It's been said that ignorance is bliss, but I would take an informed answer any day of the week. You don't have to know what you want, just be willing to take your time looking.

[Simone21295]

No, I haven't been to see a therapist. I guess I'm to afraid of what people will think. I just want to keep my feelings to myself. I don't want them to know me. I think writing in my journal is helping. I don't feel as... I don't know. I just feel different.

[shazamataz]

Keep up with the writing if it is making you feel better.
Journals are great, especially if you go back and read posts from a week or so before, it helps you gain perspective.

I know talking to a therapist sounds sccary, I didn't want to talk to one, I had to be practically forced to go but it really helped me.

[THEpurplepeanut]

I really don't want to sound like a pushy person, but simone21295 if you are still thinking this way after so long, I do think it would be in your best interest to go try and get some therapy. It might seem scary at first, but think this way, the person's a doctor right? doctors are supposed to help you get healthier, right? so why put yourself through so many unhealthy thoughts and not get help? I'm sure if you go to one session with a therapist you will see the light so to speak and maybe even like it. In my opinion, I think you should have told your parents a long time ago and asked them to take you to get some real help. We can only give you so much help and advice here, I don't think the internet can solve all of your problems. Please take this into consideration and try to get at least some help. I really think you should at least try. Good luck :)