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SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 01:31 AM

I know this is going to seem typical, but I completely understood where she was coming from when she said it. She told me, she wants more than anything to be with me. However, she said we should take a break, have some time to build up our friendship and strengthen our bond, before being a couple again. I understood that because, I trust her, I always have, she's told me things in her life, that I know she's never told anyone. So I know she trusts me, also. But my question is, is this a good thing? Is it good that she even gave me the reason, and I quote, 'Because I want to strengthen our bond and build a better friendship before having a life with you.' I completely, as I said, understand this, seeing as how, we somehow managed a year and a half of dating, having only known each other two months prior. I really want to know if it's a good thing that she wants to make our bond stronger through friendship, and get to really know each other first. And what steps I should take to ensuring a successful outcome.

liz28 · Jul 3, 2009, 02:04 AM

If anything was going great between the two of you I don't understand her logic behind taking a break but maybe friendship was missing.

I want to tell you that most breaks are permanent and when it comes down to relationships there aren't any guarantees.

It doesn't matter what you do to ensure a successful outcome because right now the ball is in her court. She should have ask her to elaborate on what she wanted and needed to build a friendship with you. I hate to see you get your hopes up but you need to be realistic right now.

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 02:13 AM

As much as I'd like to believe that, she told me, and so far has held true to the fact that she, not I, she wants to see me everyday, and she calls me everyday, to get me to see her.

jlove09 · Jul 3, 2009, 03:07 AM

Man, all these girls want similar things hey.
I've been a and haven't been doing that with my missus but I should. I just keep breaking down and keep asking her for more which I shouldn't cause she said the same thing

makapuu · Jul 3, 2009, 03:17 AM

When a couple takes a break, it's usually because someone is not happy with the current situation. A break allows each person to be themselves without the pressure of being in relationship.

If she is calling you everyday, that's not really a break. She is looking for a sign that you want to be with her as much as she wants to be with you. Since you are on a "break", I would suggest that you pay attention to how you are feeling when she calls you everyday. Is she trying to control you even though you are on a break?

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 03:23 AM

You see that's what makes me wonder. If she wanted to break up with me, by saying lets take a break, why would she have mentioned, that it's for our own good, to strengthen our bond, and why would she still want to see me and call me everyday, she does both, everyday, for your info.

jlove09 · Jul 3, 2009, 03:23 AM

SilentNightmare, lets do something different and BE FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL!!

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 03:24 AM

Originally Posted by jlove09

SilentNightmare, lets do something different and BE FRIENDS WITH THE GIRL !!!

What are you getting at? I agreed with her. I'm doing just that, it's HER who calls and wants to see me everyday, even though she suggested it.

jlove09 · Jul 3, 2009, 03:26 AM

Yes, my girl is the same. I guess they just want to try from the friendship part.
Like when I first met my girl, we were friends and we talked and saw each other everyday.
Maybe she misses those honey moon times cause those are cute and precious.
I definitely know mine told me she misses the way we used to be so maybe they're trying to pick that back up and make it stronger.

slapshot_oi · Jul 3, 2009, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by SilentNightmare

She told me, she wants more than anything to be with me. However, she said we should take a break, have some time to build up our friendship and strengthen our bond, before being a couple again.

You have to read this with a clear head because her logic doesn't make sense. She wants to strengthen the bond by spending time away from one another? And if she actually wants to be with you more than anything, then why isn't she with you? It's nonsense.

She's breaking up with you.

Originally Posted by SilentNightmare

You see that's what makes me wonder. If she wanted to break up with me, by saying lets take a break, why would she have mentioned, that it's for our own good, to strengthen our bond, and why would she still want to see me and call me everyday, she does both, everyday, for your info.

She said "it's for your own good" so you wouldn't question her--and it worked 'cause you told her you understand--and so you'd take the blow much softer. She stays in touch because she still wants a connection, but not a relationship; she's trying to friendzone you. Almost every break-up follows this exact routine.

I wish · Jul 3, 2009, 09:25 AM

First of all, slow down with reading all the signs.

If she wanted to work things out with you, she wouldn't have broken up with you. You're still madly in love with her, so you're twisting al her signs into thinking that she still has feelings for you. But if she still had feelings for you and wanted to work things out, she wouldn't have asked for a break.

The reason she keeps calling you is because you cannot just cut out of each other's life overnight. It takes time to cut each other.

talaniman · Jul 3, 2009, 09:47 AM

She is keeping you close by putting you in the friendzone, and will call you everyday, until it becomes less and less time and she has other interests to fill her time.

She told me, she wants more than anything to be with me.

That's a lie!! Her actions are not those of someone who wants you more than anything. They are the actions of someone who is looking elsewhere, but keeping you around until they find it. FRIEND ZONE, is what its called.

However, she said we should take a break, have some time to build up our friendship and strengthen our bond, before being a couple again.

You don't have a break up to do that. That comes from honest communications and working together.

I understood that because, I trust her, I always have,

You are going along with her because you love her and want to keep her in your life, but ignore the fact that she is not honest with you. A break is not to build, but to change her status to be open to other options and opportunities, and she may not have found it yet, but she will and all you will have is "sorry, I changed my mind, it doesn't work and I have no more time for you because their is this new guy........"

Talaniman Rule- When your partner asks for a break, give it to them, and revoke their relationship privileges, your time and attention.

Keep your dignity and self respect by not being so available, or always going along with her plan, and get your own plan, that makes you happy with out her.

Sorry guy, but your putting what she wants above what you need and that always leads to disaster, and heartbreak. NOT GOOD at all for YOU.

And what steps I should take to ensuring a successful outcome.

Don't let her tell you what's best for YOU! She is doing what's best for her. Recognize the difference.

I wish · Jul 3, 2009, 11:12 AM

Talaminan is right, you're entering a friendzone. However, I wouldn't be as pessimistic as he is. His approach is very sound and caution. It would be wise to follow his advice.

I would like to add one thing. Since you love her so much, prior to his rule of revoking relationship privledges, you should let her know that you want her back. Tell her that you only want her to contact you if she wants you back. Otherwise, it's best to leave each other alone. I don't agree with cutting contact with her immediately without telling her why.

That way, she will have to make up her mind on what she wants, instead of dragging you around and making you suffer.

Like Tal said, have more self-respect. Don't let someone mess around with you like that. Stand up for yourself.

sully123 · Jul 3, 2009, 12:05 PM

She really doesn't want the relationship to me.

makapuu · Jul 3, 2009, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by SilentNightmare

I completely, as I said, understand this, seeing as how, we somehow managed a year and a half of dating, having only known each other two months prior. I really want to know if it's a good thing that she wants to make our bond stronger through friendship, and get to really know each other first. And what steps I should take to ensuring a successful outcome.

Here's what I think:
Your girlfriend wants a break from being a couple, and wants to build a stronger friendship before becoming a couple again.

Relationships that are mostly physical usually need an occasional break when the emotional relationship begins. Sex is easy, communication and patience are not. If two people are not at the same balance of emotional/physical desire, then a break might be the only way to preserve the relationship until there is balance.

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by makapuu

Here's what I think:
Your girlfriend wants a break from being a couple, and wants to build a stronger friendship before becoming a couple again.

Relationships that are mostly physical usually need an occasional break when the emotional relationship begins. Sex is easy, communication and patience are not. If two people are not at the same balance of emotional/physical desire, then a break might be the only way to preserve the relationship until there is balance.

Thank you, someone who finally says she isn't just stringing you along. I appreciate this advice. I'm positive she wants to stay with me, but she think that not being under the pressure of being in a relationship will help evolve our communication and make it easier to express ourselves in the long run, when we are in a relationship. I appreciate someone who doesn't just automatically assume that she's trying to really break up and act so pessimistic towards everything I say. And how could she be looking for someone, when she's seeing me, literally, everyday... by her choice.

talaniman · Jul 3, 2009, 04:07 PM

Please let us know how that friends thing works out, because I would rather be wrong about what you have written.

So why did you ask the question if you trusted her so much?

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Please let us know how that friends thing works out, because I would rather be wrong about what you have written.

So why did you ask the question if you trusted her so much??

Honestly I wanted some opinions on it. I don't want people always answering pessimistically towards it just because she wanted a break, although I admit I expected that. I wanted to see what people thought of it. Just because someone wants a break doesn't automatically make them want to break up, occasionally they're sincere in their request that they want things to grow stronger without the pressure of relationships, before trying to maintain one with that person. I'm sorry to shoot down any relating advice, I'm just a naturally trusting person and I believe it's placed in the right girl for once. I needed to see people's expectations, and try to exceed them.

SilentNightmare · Jul 3, 2009, 06:11 PM

I suppose I want to prove some people wrong. And to show others that it doesn't necessarily mean the end when she says 'I want a break'. She really could sincerely be trying to help the relationship grow. And if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong and I'll be grateful for the advice that pointed to the contrary.

talaniman · Jul 3, 2009, 06:13 PM

Curious as what do your friends say? Just asking.