[PeruvianBlaze]

So why do I yern for him? Ive not got sky high confidence but then again my confidence is not that low, if I could understand why I yern for a guy that is no good for me then maybe I could snap out of this situation.

Any ideas of why I yern for this bad guy would be appreciated, thats for keeping with this thread, I really appreciate all your help and advice

louise xx

That is what NC is for. Not only is it for you to move on and heal from the pain of a break-up but as many good, experienced people here have said, its about making yourself a better, and more complete person. So now during NC is the time for you to figure that out. Can it be that you despise being alone and must always have someone? Perhaps it could also be that you may be insecure and something about him or your relationship with him made you feel better. Honestly no one knows you like yourself and so you would have a better idea about this and you are the one who will ultimately know why you feel that you need him. But we will all try to help :D

[louiseismyname]

That is what NC is for. Not only is it for you to move on and heal from the pain of a break-up but as many good, experienced people here have said, its about making yourself a better, and more complete person. So now during NC is the time for you to figure that out. Can it be that you despise being alone and must always have someone? Perhaps it could also be that you may be insecure and something about him or your relationship with him made you feel better. Honestly no one knows you like yourself and so you would have a better idea about this and you are the one who will ultimately know why you feel that you need him. But we will all try to help :D

Thanks for your response. I think I liked the attention of him telling me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. Even though looking back now he may not have meant what he said. Im happy to be alone and don't feel the need for a man, I was brought up never to rely on anyone but yourself you see.

He is a bad boy and I'm sat here under no illusions that he will change or think for one minute that I will change him. I just don't understand why he told me he is single, as like I did (and regret) can always find this girl on Facebook and request her as a friend and see that they are together. She is the type of person that will accept anyone as a friend so all the truth is out there to see. I don't understand why he lies when he get found so easily like he has?

[Gemini54]

i thought id give you all an update (i hope you dont mind). Its day 5 of no contact now, its been alot easier than the previous times of NC as I think this time the nature of how he treats me has really hit home. Im not a little teenager that thinks I deserve this treatment, im a grown woman with my own house, nice car, good kob and lots of friends that knows she deserves better. But when he texts I go all weak and tell him that I love him too ????? Im trying to be strong this time, im not even bothered anymore about him being with someone (at one point in time that thought would have killed my heart) so does this mean that im starting to heal and move on???

Im not sat around waiting for him, im living my life to the full, id never put my life on hold for anyone. Its like someone commented on here and ive said myself before, even if I did get back together with him (which wont happen) id just be constantley looking over my shoulder and wondering what lies he was telling me and thats not a healthy adult relationship. So why do I yern for him? Ive not got sky high confidence but then again my confidence is not that low, if I could understand why I yern for a guy that is no good for me then maybe I could snap out of this situation.

Any ideas of why I yern for this bad guy would be appreciated, thats for keeping with this thread, I really appreciate all your help and advice

louise xx

Hi Louise - only you can really know why you keep giving this guy your energy - to me it sounds like a form of addiction that you can't let go of.

Perhaps he's like a 'bad boy' to you and you're addicted to the fact that he's unattainable, mysterious, distant, etc. Perhaps you want the challenge of making him love YOU, not those other girls. Perhaps you don't really want a committed relationship and pursuing a man like this means that you can avoid it.

As I said - ultimately, only you have the answers.

[sully123]

Louise maybe talk to a therapist and he could answer why you keep on wanting to go back. You seem very stable in every other aspect of your life, except this. It could be something from childhood, who knows. We can only give you advice and he might just have the answers you are looking for. Good luck and keep us updated.

[louiseismyname]

I do think that I deserve better than being lied to. All this guy does is come crawling to me (im assuming when he is going through a rough patch ith the gf).
He texts me and then I respond and he don't even text me back half of the time, its like he enjoys making a fool out of me ? Why would you do that to someone who you say that you love?

[sully123]

It's not love, he is unstable. You have to figure out why you keep on going back, what draws you to this man. I don't understand, just cut him off, even if you have to change your phone number, if that is what it takes. He offers you absolutely nothing except for hardache and pain. Change from this day forward and don't look back. There are so many nice men that could offer you so much more. It's like a visicious cycle what your going through. Can you pinpoint something in your life that is happened that you let someone treat you like this? Please stop and get your priorites back on the right track.

[jmjoseph]

Trust is paramount in a relationship. Do you think you will EVER believe ANYTHING he ever tells you ? Probably not. Don't waste any more energy on this guy. HE IS A LIAR. The love you feel is probably based on lies that he told you. He cheats now and probably will for years to come. Find yourself a nice, honest, loving guy who will treat you like a lady. Good luck to you.

[louiseismyname]

Thank you all for your kind words, help and advice. Im sure he is unstable to be honest, when I first met him 2 years ago his mates warned me to be careful as he tells lies, that really should have been a warning sign but stupid me thought that he would never lie or cheat on me!! That hit me right in the face.

Ive always been there for him and he knows that, he has admitted in the past that he has treated me bdley and said he would change but he never has.

Im on day 5 of NC and its hard but I'm getting there, just not having to hear his bull is a lovely break to be honest. Im just taking it a day at a time, I've lost a stone and now I'm 6 foot tall and weigh just 8 stone due to all this meyhem

[sully123]

Good luck and keep us posted. Everyday you will get stronger. We all have been through different situations, but you look back and say to yourself what was I thinking..

[louiseismyname]

Good luck and keep us posted. Everyday you will get stronger. We all have been through different situations, but you look back and say to yourself what was I thinking..

sully123 thank you, I really hope I look bac on this and say what a wan£$r he was and what was I thinking but at the moment the pain is just too deep. I have good hours and bads hours (not days) my emotions change towards him from one minute to the next. I feel a fool to have been fooled by him. He must be laughing at my weakness for him and that hurts. I would have died for him at one point :(:(:(

[88sunflower]

Good work on the NC for 5 days. Keep strong and keep going forward. Don't fall prey to him again. Let his new girlfriend deal with his childish ways and she can be the new fool on his block. It will get easier as you move ahead.

[louiseismyname]

I just wanted to give you all an update, I've just had some bad news regarding a family members health on Thurs and am obviousley very upset, one of my friends told my ex that id had some bad news and he asked what it was. My friend said that she thought I would have told him and that because I hadn't then its not really her place to say.

To cut a long story short, the guy turns round and says that there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm a wierdo and need help. These comments really hurt me, especially now at a time like this, so stupidly I text him and asked why had he called me these names when he knew I was going through a rough time. I told him that his words really hurt me.

In reply to this he text me and said "no problem" and said that he had moved on and is happy and I need to do the same. How can someone who was asking me to get back together 2 weeks ago (whilst he had a girlfriend btw) call me weird and say that I need help, and too top it all when I asked heow he could be so cruel to me and call me those horrible names he says "no problem".

He has really hurt me this time, I'm just torn inside at his insensitive ways at the difficult time in my life

[anna333]

Most people will tell you to forget him, but you don't have to, you should give him options or a trial period to see how much he lies or what he does then make your decision

[redhed35]

Louise,go back and re read all the posts on this thread..
Take a step back from this and see how other people who are objective view the situation.

You are not 'weird' you are hurt.

If anything his words should cement your resolve to rid this man from your life.

Go back to no contact,and start your life away from this misery.. im sorry to hear about your bad news,get support from your family and friends,the only way forward is to take a step forward!
This man does not want you.

This man does not love you.

This man does not respect you.

Is this the type of man you want in your life?

You deserve more then this hardship and downright disrespect.

You have to move on to preserve your own mental and emotional health.

[louiseismyname]

louise,go back and re read all the posts on this thread..
take a step back from this and see how other people who are objective view the situation.

you are not 'weird' you are hurt.

if anything his words should cement your resolve to rid this man from your life.

Go back to no contact,and start your life away from this misery..im sorry to hear about your bad news,get support from your family and friends,the only way forward is to take a step forward!
This man does not want you.

This man does not love you.

This man does not respect you.

Is this the type of man you want in your life?

You deserve more then this hardship and downright disrespect.

You have to move on to preserve your own mental and emotional health.

Thank you for your kind words, if anyone its him that weird and needs help, its him that asking me to get back with him when he has a girlfriend, its him that always lies about everything and is a cheater. Im just so hurt, only 2 weeks ago he was saying he loved me and why could we not be together, I told him because he had a girlfriend and he said that he didn't, that they were just mates. Then I found out they were together. He just knows how to break my heart. I know for sure he will come back running to me when he is bored of the girlfriend or wants to play some more mind games with me and that's the upsetting part.

For someone who only 2 weeks ago says that they love you and want to be with you to go and turn round and call me weird and that I need help and then to add insult to injury when I said that he hurt me he didn't give a sh%t and said no problem ? Why people why would he do that to me :(:(:(

[redhed35]

He did that to you because you let him have the power to do it.

He is slowly but surely taking every bit of self esteem you have,don't let him.

Why do people say things they don't mean,maybe he hoped you could be his bit on the side,I'm sorry that sounds harsh,but possibly true.

Stop letting him hurt you.
He has the power to hurt you,TAKE IT BACK!

I don't know how else to say it..

No contact is hard.. ive said this before,you need to heal.

Romefalls (a regular poster) said something in a thread that made a lot of sense,it went something like this, if you broke your arm would to still be able to use it,no,you would'nt,it has to heal. Your heart is broken,stop using it to make decisions,give it time to heal.

Your letting this guy take a jackhammer to an already broken heart.

Save yourself,stop thinking about the whys and what ifs..

Get outside,meet up with some friends,and try and find some peace today.
Give yourself a break from this torture.

[louiseismyname]

he did that to you because you let him have the power to do it.

He is slowly but surely taking every bit of self esteem you have,dont let him.

why do people say things they dont mean,maybe he hoped you could be his bit on the side,im sorry that sounds harsh,but possibly true.

stop letting him hurt you.
He has the power to hurt you,TAKE IT BACK!

i dont know how else to say it..

No contact is hard..ive said this before,you need to heal.

Romefalls (a regular poster) said something in a thread that made a lot of sense,it went something like this, if you broke your arm would to still be able to use it,no,you would'nt,it has to heal. your heart is broken,stop using it to make decisions,give it time to heal.

your letting this guy take a jackhammer to an already broken heart.

save yourself,stop thinking about the whys and what ifs..

get outside,meet up with some friends,and try and find some peace today.
give yourself a break from this torture.

Just when I thought that I couldn't take anymore I get the bad news regarding family members health on Thurs, I'm rying to deal with this as well as being strong for my family. Im at my nearves end tbh, don't get me wrong, its not that I wait around for this guy, I try and get on with my life the best I can, I struggle through everyday and its hard. I don't live anymore I just merely exist. This latest news regarding my family member has just tipeed me off the edge, I don't know how much more I can take. To think that my ex just don't care what I'm going through breaks my heart

[N0help4u]

You need to realize that he has a problem and it is who he is to be a player. He may very well have loved you but it is a dysfunctional love not a healthy relationship type love.
Just because he 'loved' you doesn't mean you are obligated to a relationship with him or anyone that doesn't show you the respect you should have.
You need to find someone that DOES care and leave him in the past. Don't be co dependent on someone that isn't worth it that only makes you dysfunctional as well.
Forget about what he says or thinks. Don't waste your time dwelling on the words of an idiot.
Put your efforts into your close relationship with your family and kick him to the dust.

[redhed35]

The fact is going by your posts he does not care.
Is there someone in your life you can talk to?

Would you consider seeing your doctor to talk things over,he may suggest some counselling.

Sometimes it not enough to seek answers from outside sources,and we need to get help from other places.

From your other posts you seem very together,there's just this one thorn in your side that is turning septic...

Your having a bad day.
Try and find a positive to this situation,think about what you have learned.
You are now in a position to share your story and help someone else.

[louiseismyname]

the fact is going by your posts he does not care.
is there someone in your life you can talk to?

would you consider seeing your doctor to talk things over,he may suggest some counselling.

sometimes it not enough to seek answers from outside sources,and we need to get help from other places.

From your other posts you seem very together,theres just this one thorn in your side that is turning septic...

your having a bad day.
try and find a positive to this situation,think about what you have learned.
you are now in a position to share your story and help someone else.

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions, it hurts that he just seems to turn on me every so often. I know that he isn't a nice person and I think he is a little unstable. I do have a good life, I have lots of friends and family, a nice house, I've just managed to get myself a temporary job (that maybe going permanent) having been made redundant last year. I am highly educated with a degree and a Masters, a nice sports car, this is the only thorn in my life