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tntdynamite · Jul 1, 2009, 04:05 PM

All right, I've been friends with this girl for about 2 years. She was new to my school, and I hung out with her. Well sometime last year, a bunch, and by that I mean almost all of my guy friends started liking her. She's not ugly, but she's not drop dead gorgeous anyway, at least by what I see. I mean, I do understand beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but still. But she does have a flat stomach, is athletic, and is very easy going, she doesn't get mad easily or anything. So I think that's also why the guys like her. And I'll admit, I was a little jealous. Not because I wanted those guys to like me, but because before she came, we were all very close, but when she did come, they all worshipped her and forgot about me. So already there was a little resentment, but nothing major. Where I really started to get mad was when all the attention from guys started giving her a big head, and she rubbed it in my face every time she had the chance. In a bunch of passive aggressive ways too, but you could tell she wanted me to be jealous. She got extremely cocky, and I couldn't have a conversation with her without her putting in how another guy likes her, how this guy said this to her, that guy said that too her, bla bla bla. I'm not the only one who noticed this a few of our friends did too. And she just blows through these guys like crazy. I've never seen her without a boyfriend. She'll go out with one for a little bit, dump him, and there's another waiting right there, and she takes him. It's almost as if she doesn't even care who it is. And she leaves these guys suicidal sometimes, and doesn't even care! She's a tease, she takes advantage of the guys that like her, gets what she wants out of it, which is simply attention, and then moves on to the next guy without a care in the world. I've had to look at my guy friends with tears in their eyes, talking about how much they hate their lives and how they want to kill themselves since they can't be with her. I was beyond mad, and the worse thing is is that she sits there, looks and them crying and just turns her head, not caring at all. I want to go off on her so bad, I'm still her friend, because I like everything else about her, but I'm sick of her cockyness and how she wants me to envy her. But I can not get to yelling at her. Don't tell me I need to talk it out with her, because I can't anymore. It won't help. It's to the point where she walks into the room and I'm ticked. She doesn't even have to say anything. We've been drifting this past year, and we both know it's happening, but neither of us is acknowledging it. I want her to know that I'm not jealous of her, I was in the beginning but not anymore. I want her to know how mad I am, and I think the only way I can do that is by getting in her face, to get all the anger out, and to make sure she knows how I feel.
But we're going back to school next year and I was just wondering, should I clean the slate, and give her another chance and just forget about all this? Or should I keep all this until next year, and give it too her there? I can take more of her crap, but I don't want to anymore, and if I should tell her, how to I get the nerve to do it? I haven't been able to.
I know this sounds like I'm over reacting, and that all this is a big deal, but I'm just sick and tired of her thinking she's hot and better than everybody else, and trying to make me feel jealous and less of a person. And I know she wants to me to get jealous of her, you can see it in her face.
Help me! Please!

Vicky_vtec · Jul 1, 2009, 04:59 PM

Your asking should you confront your friend or merely just forget about it all. For your own sake I do not feel that you forgetting about how much your friend has tried to hurt you will solve this but on the other hand you do not want to go causing trouble because she's your friend and you respect her and enjoy her company.

However, to put another spin on things I do not feel the problem here is how your friend is putting you down and perhaps making you feel bad. I think the problem lies deep within your friend. If I where you my concern would not be how bad I feel because my friend is rubbing her "joys" in my face my concern would be that this girl is not stable in herself. She gets a guy and makes them fall for her but does not let herself fall for them. This maybe because she has issues with commitment. I would try talking to her about this and maybe see how that goes. There is no way she can be happy inherself when she is hopping from guy to guy.

Im not sure this is the reply or answer you where looking for but I'm just looking at things in another perspective. Sorry if its not what you where after.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2009, 05:02 PM

How old are you?

I think its natural to be envious, and even jealous when the new girl comes in, and takes over, but getting in her face, is not the answer.

I would have ignored her, and her new "fan club" and went about doing what I wanted.

Why compete with people like that, or even care if other of your mates gives her attention.

Calm down, and look around, and you'll see that many others don't placate to her needs, as they are to busy doing there own thing. That's what you should be doing, your own thing.

Trust me, her newness will wear off, and you can only tease a guy for so long, until he loses interest. Then where will she be?

But where will you be by confronting her? She will just say your jealous of her, so just ignore her, and if she is playing a game, by you ignoring her, it will drive her crazy.

Pay more attention to what you do and enjoy, and leave the new girl alone. Eventually she will get the message she is not being such a good friend to you.

tntdynamite · Jul 1, 2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

How old are you??

I would have ignored her, and her new "fan club" and went about doing what I wanted.

Calm down, and look around, and you'll see that many others don't placate to her needs, as they are to busy doing there own thing. Thats what you should be doing, your own thing.

Trust me, her newness will wear off, and you can only tease a guy for so long, until he loses interest. Then where will she be?

But where will you be by confronting her?? She will just say your jealous of her, so just ignore her, and if she is playing a game, by you ignoring her, it will drive her crazy.

Pay more attention to what you do and enjoy, and leave the new girl alone. Eventually she will get the message she is not being such a good friend to you.

I'm 15, she just turned 16. I have ignored it, for the past 2 years. And her newness worn off awhile ago, and the same guys still like her, well, some of them, and a bunch of new guys keep popping up saying that they like her too. I'm thinking about just leaving her completely, but wouldn't that be really awkward if I'm bestfriends with her one day, then don't even talk to her the next? And the things that I'm hoping will come from confronting her is either A) She'll be so mad she doesn't want to be friends anymore, or B)She'll realize just how wrong what she's doing is, and will maybe change it.
But thank you anway :)

talaniman · Jul 1, 2009, 06:18 PM

I just can't see being friends with someone like that. Its just not worth the drama, and you can't change people, only yourself.

barbiechick123 · Jul 2, 2009, 10:00 AM

You know, I just wrote an essay and just erased it because I was being much too complex. The answer is simple, talk to her about it. Be mature and understanding as you ask her "Why do you think I care so much about who likes you, and who you reject?", you need to tell her in a classy way that you are interested in friendship, not drama. But personally, I wouldn't be best friends with someone who's trying to make me jealous constantly, just because her self esteem is clearly low. Drop her now, you will feel a lot better, even if it stings at first.

PS: I know how you feel, I was in the same boat, I started drifting from her and now we're okay but not close and that's just how I want it.

tntdynamite · Jul 15, 2009, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by barbiechick123

You know, I just wrote an essay and just erased it because I was being much too complex. The answer is simple, talk to her about it. Be mature and understanding as you ask her "Why do you think I care so much about who likes you, and who you reject?", you need to tell her in a classy way that you are interested in friendship, not drama. But personally, I wouldn't be best friends with someone who's trying to make me jealous constantly, just because her self esteem is clearly low. Drop her now, you will feel a lot better, even if it stings at first.

PS: I know how you feel, i was in the same boat, I started drifting from her and now we're okay but not close and that's just how I want it.

Talking to her was my intital reaction, but I don't know if that would help at all. I mean, I want to solve it, but at the same time get my anger out. And I think the only ways I can get that anger out is either screaming in her face, (which at times, is very tempting), or just never talking to her again. But I think never talking to her again would be very awkward, since we were like best friends with before school ended, and then when we go back to school I act like she doesn't even extist, I don't think it'd work. :)
But I also think that if I talk to her about it, the only reason she'll change is so I'm not mad at her, not that she recognizes what she's doing wrong, and to me, that's fake. Because she knows what's she's doing, so I doubt she feels guilty about it.
I also think her self esteem is low, in a way.
I have been drifting from her, little by little, and I think she's picking up on it, but none of us have really brought it up.
But thanks, I really like the line, "Why do you think I care so much about who likes you, and who you reject?" Good question, and one I'd like to know the answer too. :)

tntdynamite · Jul 15, 2009, 09:08 PM

Thanks everybody, it's nice to know that I'm not overreacting here, because I have a guy friend who is constantly telling my I'm taking all this the wrong way, (but he also is one of the guys that like her, *wink wink*). I still don't really know what to do, but I don't think I should continue being her friend, or at least not her best friend. I realized that the friendship was over a long time ago, and right now I could take her or leave her. And I think when you get to that point, you should just leave the person because you're not really holding on to anything, it's like it really means nothing to you because you're not trying to make it work. And if it was really special to me, I'd want to try to make it work, and I'm not willing to do that, so I think it's over. I just don't know how to tell her that.

THEpurplepeanut · Jul 15, 2009, 09:59 PM

I think you should clean the slate a little, but if she starts her crap again just take a deep breath and walk away. That's what I would do, but if you think the friendship is over anyway, why socialize with her? You don't need her, and if she really wanted to be best friends with you she wouldn't be trying to pi$$ you off and make you jealous. I think you may be playing the part as the "back-up friend" you know the person she only talks to to feel as though she has lots of friends but really doesn't. I've been there before lots of people take advantage of me. Maybe reach out to some other people for a while and make new friends, that'll show her that you are perfectly fine without her, maybe she would step back and see what she is doing to you. Hang in there and good luck and I know how you feel because I have dealt with people like this before. :)

HelpinHere · Jul 15, 2009, 11:53 PM

@THEpp: Can't you say "piss" here?

@Everyone:
Has anyone seen the movie "John Tucker Must Die"? (I know you have).

Am I the only one who thinks this is just like that movie, except the girl is playing the guys?

Anyway, I just basically agree with what everyone else says, and have nothing of real value to add!

Except: Are YOU benefitting from this friendship? If it is ONLY hurting you, then she really isn't your friend.

THEpurplepeanut · Jul 16, 2009, 04:12 AM

Originally Posted by HelpinHere

@THEpp: Can't you say "piss" here?

@Everyone:
Has anyone seen the movie "John Tucker Must Die"? (I know you have).

Am I the only one who thinks this is just like that movie, except the girl is playing the guys?

Anyway, I just basically agree with what everyone else says, and have nothing of real value to add!

Except: Are YOU benefitting from this friendship? If it is ONLY hurting you, then she really isn't your friend.

I thought it would take it out, AMHD has done that to me a lot, like if I were to say a**hole it would take it out so I thought you couldn't say anything like that on here. Plus I don't like spelling bad words very much unless I really am pi$$ed off. :) and yes I have seen "john tucker must die" and this is totally a "john tucker must die" moment. I agree with everything said here. If it's only hurting you why be in the relationship?

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 16, 2009, 04:19 AM

You have a choice: be miserable or be happy.

If you confront her she will be defensive, and I would not blame her. You would be attacking her.

If you want to be happy... let it go. If she wants to be your friend she will be there if not you will make new ones. You are to fixated on yourself and this "situation".

Let it go like the wind. Don't dwell on it. Go on with life and forget this drama. Just stop it is very unhealthy. No need to confront just move on.

ZoeMarie · Jul 16, 2009, 04:23 AM

If it were me, I would tell her how I feel. Forget the clean slate. I would throw the slate away all together. It sounds like all she cares about is herself. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that.

I had a situation like this a couple years ago. We started drifting too. I cannot tell you the relief I felt after telling her what was on my mind. At first I was worried about the friction afterward but then I got to thinking, is it possible for there to be any more friction between us than there already is? Long story short, we hardly talk anymore, but to be honest, I like the fact that there's less drama.

Edit: and I'm sure she felt attacked, generally I don't like to be that way, but in this situation, things that her other friends and her husband had been telling her all along became a lot more clear to her.

danielnoahsmommy · Jul 16, 2009, 04:25 AM

All this talk about clearing the slate will only make you feel better for a moment, it won't do anything for your friendship but to harm it more. It will hurt her, is that your intentions?

lilangus · Jul 16, 2009, 04:37 AM

First of all, a friend would try to be equal with you... not belittle you at every given chance and most certainly wouldn't want to make you feel lower than her!

She's not your friend!
She's what I like to call a "Wanna-B-Slut"
Flirts with guys, but never does anything.

One of two things... either it's for attention cause she's an attention craver, or it's for money, gifts, whatever she can get... possibly she does this to put a certain image in everyone else's heads that she is wanted by ALL men, which is not true!

Also, remember... young boys are physically attracted to cute young girls. The fact that they are crying just sounds really damn EMO... I truthfully laugh at that. Not trying to sound like an , but no woman is worth crying over, especially if she is like that!

If you want your friends back... want your guys back... quit associating with her!

You're wasting all your time and good mental energy on her stupid pathetic ! Maybe it will wake her up if she loses a friend or 2 in the process!

talaniman · Jul 16, 2009, 05:31 AM

I just don't know how to tell her that.

You have nothing to tell, unless she asks. Your actions of ignore, and avoiding her, will speak for you. She should have known better.

She will either change her game, or lose your friendship.

HelpinHere · Jul 16, 2009, 08:27 AM

Just have to add...

Originally Posted by lilangus

... no woman is worth crying over, especially if she is like that! ...

WRONG! MOST women aren't worth crying over, you just have to learn to tell which ones are really worth it and which ones aren't.

Anyway, all you can do to help yourself in this situation is to keep away from her. Just like everyone else said.
However, if any of your guy friends have not learned from experience yet, advise them not to try to jump that gun, or else they may learn the hard way.