[Nohr]

Ever since I met my friend she has always been a very bubbly, hyper, overactive person, but she has always had moments when she gets really depressed.
We are really close but often argue with each other about stupid and serious issues, the most common one being. That she never tells me what is wrong when she is upset.

Today, she finally told me about all her problems and finished by telling me that she has recently been frequently cutting herself. I didn't know what to do or say, so I panicked and freaked out quite a lot and made her tell me the whole story and show me the cuts.

She told me that the first time it happened was in year 7 (first year of secondary school) when we fell out, and that she cut her neck, and then several years later she cut her wrists after a complete jerk broke up with her and basically named all her worst quality's and said she was an embarrassment to him. After this she lost all her self confidence, and fell into, what I am guessing, depression. I know also that she has tried several times to make herself throw up, and am also pretty sure that she is anorexic.

She has not again attempted to cut her wrists but showed me her hip today in which she has been cutting constantly over the last few months with a razor.

I now really don't know what to do, this is the first time in our five years of friendship that she has opened up to me, and has already said that she is never going to tell me anything again because of my reaction. I got cross and angry when she told me because I was really upset. I realise now that, I probably responded in the worst way possible and all I want to do is help her.

Please could someone give me some advice because I'm really scared and completely confused,

[mum2five]

It sounds like you care very deeply for your friend and are trying to be as supportive as you can. This is a lot to take on by yourself.

Self-harm is often a way of coping with painful and difficult feelings and distress. Someone may harm themselves because they feel overwhelmed and don't know how else to deal with things. It's usually a very private issue. Some forms of self-harm carry a serious risk, but this doesn't mean someone who self-harms is always intending to cause themselves serious injury.

Stripping naked and running down the high street would be attention-seeking, but self-harming is very private and personal. People who self-harm often go to great lengths to cover up their injuries. So please do not think you have not been a good friend as you never noticed this has been happening for a long period.

People who self-harm aren't usually trying to kill themselves. For many it's a coping mechanism used to survive - not die. Just because you self-harm, it doesn't mean you are suffering from a severe mental illness, either. As stated it is a way of coping...

Self-harming can become addictive behavior for some people. Telling somebody to "just stop it" will not work and could possibly alienate them further. They need help and understanding to recover and learn other strategies for coping with emotional pain and stressful situations.

You might like to consider encouraging your friend to contact an organization providing support to people who self harm, it might be worth emphasizing how much a visit to her doctor could help. Perhaps by talking through why she's so worried about seeing a GP she might consider trying this? Maybe you could offer to go with her as a means of support.

There may be certain underlying issues surrounding you friend's behavior, such as anxiety or depression. You could also suggest that she thinks about trying a talking to a counsellor to help her identify what might be contributing to her self harming behavior. Her GP should also be able to refer her onto an appropriate counselling service.

Remember that by being her friend and giving her your time and attention, you are letting her know that you are there for her.

[barbiechick123]

This happened to me, my friend told me she was cutting and I told her mom, she was mad at me for a year and then she said she realized later I was trying to help. What I would do is tell her to see a therapist or give her a help hotline, if she refuses you may have to just tell a responsible adult that will get her help. And remember, if she gets mad at you for this, know that what you did was the right thing... Don't stay quiet about this or she may hurt herself and her family more then she is already..

[HelpinHere]

Hmm... if your friend wants to cut herself, give her a picture of herself, a pair of scissors, and tell her to have fun. Make sure to have plenty of copies in case she doesn't get her fill. :D

Anyway, lame joke aside (although it is a good way to get past the akwardness, I know from experience) this is a real problem. Your friend needs professional help. It is not your place to get it for her, but, you do need to be supportive and help her to realize it is not the right thing to be doing in any situation.

I agree with what has already been said, and you can't do anything directly for your friend except to be there for her.

[goodgirl92]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. One of my best friends has cut herself before, as well as overdosed on panadol, and she has been bullemic for over a year. I have no idea how to help. She won't go see the school councilor, she can't afford to go to the one she goes to now, she doesn't like to talk when she's sad, and she won't tell her parents. I'm the only friend who knows she's bullimic, with the exception of her ex, but that's another story. She's messed up and I don't know how to help. People have told me though that as long as she knows I'm there for her, and that she can talk to me at any hour, I am helping as much as possible. I can't force her to do anything. She doesn't want to go to a group thing either. I've offered to go to something with her etc, but it just doesn't work. So I just tell her again every now and then that I'm here. I think she appreciates it in her own way.
Just make sure she knows your there for her. She will open up whe she's ready. And if she really gets to the point where she is likely to do life threatening damage, then tell someone. An adult. Next time my friend seems suicidal I've been asked to go see the school counselor and she will call her father. Without saying that it was me who told.
Good luck :)