[247tru]

I been married for 7 years and have been with my husband for 14 years
I work 6 days a week and he a stay at home dad due to a injury 5 years ago.
We have 3 kids 14,12,2years .between me and my husband we don't have a close relationship. He sleeps until 11am or 12 pm plays his playstation or poker on the computer with food thawing for me to cook and if I complain he says "women nowadays mothers did not teach them how to take of there husband . We don't go anywere or do anything together my family add a gathering (2 weekends in a row my mom and dad side ) he did not want to go his reason was (1) he does not know them (2) it is to hot . I don't understand him , I have told that I feel lonely and he turns it into a argument or say I am trying to start something.
Any advice will be greatly appercaited

[N0help4u]

He is putting everything on you.
You need to make him realize you aren't an easy meal ticket to get a free ride.
You need to find ways to get him motivated and get going on things.
Playing internet games and lying around the house can and will make a person lazy and loss of energy and motivation.

Give him options to either start doing a list of chores or you want marriage counseling

[Justwantfair]

What was/is his injury?

[247tru]

He was in a car accident were it fractured his pelvis and broke his FEMA . Sometimes I wish he could work think maybe it would good for his mind . He tells me " I don't understand why u are tired when you gethome from work, he can be so inconsiderable . When I get around him the vibe seems so negtive .I only have one friend whom he does not like ( idk)I talk to her maybe every two weeks I wish I can get some me time and he be OK with it. I recently took 9 days off( vac) every single day he stay on the phone or on the computer playing poker . When I told him about himself he' ll turn the converstion on me . The entire time I was off every moring I would run with my daughter in stroller and sons at the park while he would be at home sleep , yes I ask if he wants to go but I got tired of hearing no ( he can't run but he could walk). Now that I am back at work his still playing his playstation but not talking to his friend as much . I asked him why he likes to stay in the house ,are why we don't do anything ,he says I don't know I guess it habit . I told him I don't understand how he isolate himself from his family don't call nor go see them( they are the same way with him) then he is mad because some dies , or having a party and knows nothing about it. He tires to put everyone down by talking about us ( me and my sons) this is getting old real fast , but I care him .

[I wish]

It's funny how you care so much about someone who doesn't care about you.

Normally, marriage counselling would be a first step, but with his attitude, I doubt he will even attend the counselling sessions and will just start arguing with you.

It's a habit for him to play his playstation, but it's also a habit for you to put up with is lack of motivation.

I'm not sure what his problem is, but he definitely needs a kick in the b*tt. You should not be carrying the entire load by yourself. This is a marriage.

Anytime you give him a nudge, he turns it on you and starts to argue. What kind of marriage is that?

I know you want to help him, but spoon-feeding him is not the answer. I suggest that you take your kids with you and live with your family (parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, whoever) for a while so that he can figure things out on his own. You need to show him that you're not going to put up with his attitude.

Until he shows some progress, no more spoon-feeing him. Stand your ground, don't settle for this kind of behavior.

[talaniman]

Stop putting up with his bad behavior, and stop doing what he is supposed to do. Your big baby is spoiled rotten, mommy. Can you stay at your parents house for a bit, and let him be by himself?
Ask them.

[247tru]

Thanks, I wish I could move out ,but my family stay far apart mom n the south dad on the north eithr would like to help but the car I drive is in his name and he waTchs my 2 year old while I work. After my daughter was born I gave my car back because I did not want two car notes .That was the biggest mistake I ever made ( I have always had and paid for my own)
And he knows it ,he told me when I had my own car I thought I could go and do whati wanted all I ever did and donow is work and home.
Sometimes I wish he would leave maybe he'll be happer with someone else. If set down with him rightnow and tell I am tied of us not communcateing , having a close relationship,how he does not care about what I have to say , how inconsiderable he is ,etc we will not get closer he say I jump from one subject to do next and something is wrong with me in the head.

[ZoeMarie]

Maybe one of your parents could come get you? Can you take any time off work? Desperate times call for drastic measures and there is absolutely no reason you should put up with this crap! I know it's easier said than done, but if you don't do something now it's only going to get worse.

[Gemini54]

My feeling is that he's suffering depression after the car accident. If he had a fractured pelvis and a broken femur then he would have been incapacitated for a while and it sounds as if this has broken his confidence.

What you describe is someone who is afraid to go out and face the world again and who stays home in his fantasy computer and play station world. Because he doesn't have contact with anyone else, he takes out his bitterness and negativity primarily on you.

Are you able to talk to his doctor? If you could explain the situation, then his doctor could talk to him next time he went for a check up. Does he have any friends or work mates that you can ask to take him out? What about his relatives? - perhaps they could come and pick him up and take him to family functions.

I think that he needs to start getting out into the world again, but I agree with the other posters you can't baby him too much. Rather than telling him how sad and lonely you are, let him know how much you enjoy him coming out with the family and doing things together.

[Jake2008]

Has he been this way the entire five years? Has he not been cleared to do any sort of work by his doctors? While his injuries were severe, why has he not recovered from them.

I am curious why you decided to have a baby while this was going on. If my math is right, he was already home 3 years before you had the last baby. Was he better then?

I trust that he is awake and aware enough to give proper care to the baby with him sleeping until noon every day, and spending so much time on the computer.

While you are the income generator here, his job may not provide income, but if he took the habits he has now into the workplace, he'd be fired. If you consider him to be a stay at home dad, he's not doing his job.

Think of hiring him as a nanny- would he last a day?

He may or may not be depressed, but that is only symptomatic of him being not interested in addressing the way he is. Pills won't make him a different person. He may feel better about himself and just spend more time on the computer instead of less. It won't help him 'see the light' as far as playing an equal partner in your relationship, and he won't suddenly take on the responsibilities he should.

He needs an assessment to determine if he is depressed, or has other health problems that could explain his behaviour. That would be the minimum expectation.

Failing clinical depression, and any other malady, then you are dealing with a perfectly capable person who sees no reason to change. His needs are being met, and he's quite content with the way things are.

You need to seriously consider a future with a man who is unwilling to change. I doubt that he isn't at some point expecting a showdown. Nobody would put up with his behaviour for too long.

I wouldn't be suggesting anything. I'd set aside a time to talk to him, without kids. Arrange a sitter, drive to a quiet place, and tell him that you have decided things need to change. Be specific. If he is capable of working or getting assistance for retraining for example, tell him he needs to take those steps.

In the meanwhile, you need to establish what reasonable expectations are while you are out working. List them. Put up a list on the fridge on what needs to be done each day.

Him being male does not allow him licence to apply old fashioned prejudices on you that were long ago dismissed. There is no such thing as women's work. It's all work.

You may wish to add counselling in there as well to get support and direction to have more balance in your relationship, and your life. You are investing too much, and he is investing too little.

Things have to change. You do have options.

[topkay]

The man looks like he is frustrated. Try and arrange for him to see a counsellor.