[nikosmom]

Hi all,

My co-worker is getting married 8/29 and I just got my invitation last week. We work in a small office; there are just 3 of us here not including the boss. My other co-worker returned his RSVP the same day that he got it (he went home during lunch and it was in the mail so he brought it back to the office.) I haven't returned mine yet because I'm unsure how to handle it...

She's getting married 3 hrs away at the beach where both of their families live. She's reserved a block of rooms for everyone at a local hotel at a discount. Right now I'm having car troubles so I'm not traveling anywhere further than back and forth to work so I definitely don't want to find myself on the side of the road with my 2 yr old son. [I haven't even visited my own family which is only 1 hr away because of my car issues.] But right now money's tight so renting a car isn't feasible either.

Plus by the time I drove 3 hrs and stayed for the wedding, I'd also incur hotel costs. And 3hrs there and back is too much in the same day; enough that I wouldn't really be able to enjoy myself while there. I really can't swing it. I do plan to purchase something off her registry so that's not the question.

I want to know, what's the best way to break it to her that I really can't afford to attend her wedding right now? If my situation were different I'd be there to support her but due to finances, traveling and staying overnight are just impossible. I just don't want her to get the wrong impression that I don't care. She's been planning this for the past yr and sharing in each stage with me but now it's just not looking like I can go. :(

I feel awful especially because we're such a tight little family in my office and the fact that I've known for so long (it's not like she just decided 2 months ago to get married.) Any advice would be helpful, Thanks

[Jake2008]

I understand why you would feel badly, but no doubt others will not be attending for the same reason-cost.

I too have received invites for weddings that involve a lot of cost with the travel, hotel, gift, etc. I've always sent a gift, but wasn't able to pay such a cost to attend.

Why not just tick the 'unable to attend' box on the return card, and tell her personally, that as much as you would like to go and enjoy this day with her, you will be unable to attend. I don't think you should have to offer a reason at all.

Tell her you will look forward to seeing the pictures/video when she returns.

[Gemini54]

Just tell her what you wrote in this post. If she's a good friend she'll understand.

Tell her how disappointed and sorry you are - and why don't you give her a small present off the registry as well.

What you could also do, is before she leaves to get married - have a small office party and decorate her desk with balloons and card from everyone.

[nikosmom]

Thanks Ladies for your help... I've been slowly building courage to tell her because I really didn't want to hurt her. But today while it was just the two of us in the office, I told her that I really didn't think I could afford to go. She said she understood and knew that it may have been a problem for me. I think I was most worried about hurting her feelings because she's so excited. :(

But she took it very well and I assured her I'd get her a gift from her registry (not that she asked me about the gift). Thanks again for your help! :)