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ryans2fast4u · Jun 28, 2009, 08:37 PM

On the verge of giving up- I know, you hear it all the time...

I've seen so many counselors / psychiatrists / psychologists and it all seems useless. I've been down for a good 8-10 years . I got by by saying "Things will get better after XYZ" but I've run out of XYZs and things aren't better- why would they be?

I've been on several anti-depressants, and although they help with the "downs" they don't help with the hopelessness and feelings of no-point to life. My last psychiatrist put me on ADHD meds and antidepressants- he says it's pretty common with adult ADHD people with high IQs (172), as I think so deeply about everything it kills me (maybe literally)

Although I did take an attempt on my life in 2002, I've gotten through it all by what I said above- (thinking things will get better after xyz) or by thinking that there may be other options.

I've run out of options, and I just don't know what to do at this point. Is there anything I haven't tried which may help, or places to go that may be able to help?

Wondergirl · Jun 28, 2009, 08:40 PM

Why have you been through so many counselors, etc. What is your time span with each and why do you dump each one?

ryans2fast4u · Jun 28, 2009, 08:54 PM

1 year, 1 year, 6 mo, 3 mo and 1.5 yr spread over since 2001... although the two psychiatrists I saw were sparingly through psych/counselor referrals.

I stopped seeing them because of a mix of financial reasons, complete feeling of uselessness, I can't handle "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down" comments, sometimes feeling so down I don't think I'm worth the psych's time of day, and because of moving / change of insurance.

Thanks for taking the time to help... I appreciate it.

Wondergirl · Jun 28, 2009, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by ryans2fast4u

1 year, 1 year, 6 mo, 3 mo and 1.5 yr spread over since 2001... although the two psychiatrists I saw were sparingly through psych/counselor referrals.

I stopped seeing them because of a mix of financial reasons, complete feeling of uselessness, I can't handle "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down" comments, sometimes feeling so down I don't think i'm worth the psych's time of day, and because of moving / change of insurance.

Thanks for taking the time to help... I appreciate it.

Any therapist who says to you, "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down," isn't worth a dime of your money, and should be promptly shot. (He apparently never heard of Albert Ellis who said, "Don't should on yourself.)

Well, you've come to the right place. We will do what we can to help because, in some way, shape, or form, we have all been where you have/are or have a loved one who has. Plus, my IQ is higher than yours, and I'm a well-trained and well-regarded counselor. Feel free to emote.

ryans2fast4u · Jun 28, 2009, 09:43 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Any therapist who says to you, "Well it sounds like your life is great, so you shouldn't be down," isn't worth a dime of your money, and should be promptly shot. (He apparently never heard of Albert Ellis who said, "Don't should on yourself.)

Well, you've come to the right place. We will do what we can to help because, in some way, shape, or form, we have all been where you have/are or have a loved one who has. Plus, my IQ is higher than yours, and I'm a well-trained and well-regarded counselor. Feel free to emote.

Early on it was tough for me to realize that counselors are just like any other profession- there's going to be great ones, and there's going to be terrible ones, so I'm trying to exercise resiliency after some less than positive experiences.

excellent. Thanks again, I look forward to anything you or fellow posters are able to offer. I certainly see value in being a well trained counselor, and its great to see you helping other people here at ask me help desk.

Wondergirl · Jun 28, 2009, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by ryans2fast4u

Early on it was tough for me to realize that counselors are just like any other profession- theres going to be great ones, and theres going to be terrible ones, so I'm trying to exercise resiliency after some less than positive experiences.

Yup, I met a few in grad school I hoped I would never see again. Now I inherit clients from suchlike.

What's your daily life like right now with responsibilities?

ryans2fast4u · Jun 28, 2009, 10:56 PM

Lifes fairly boring at the moment... I work from home most days, and do extra consulting work plus volunteering at the local business incubator just to give me something to do and to work with people.

The only responsibilities I really have are home, wife, job.

I went back to school to get my MBA and finished that up about 2 months ago, so an influx of free time is a fairly new experience for me. Historically I've tried to keep myself so busy that I didn't have a chance to think about life or myself.

Wondergirl · Jun 29, 2009, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by ryans2fast4u

Lifes fairly boring at the moment... I work from home most days, and do extra consulting work plus volunteering at the local business incubator just to give me something to do and to work with people.

The only responsibilities I really have are home, wife, job.

I went back to school to get my MBA and finished that up about 2 months ago, so an influx of free time is a fairly new experience for me. Historically I've tried to keep myself so busy that I didn't have a chance to think about life or myself.

What type of business are you in?

Maybe it's time to think about life... and yourself.

ryans2fast4u · Jun 29, 2009, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What type of business are you in?

Maybe it's time to think about life...and yourself.

I'm a marketing executive for a smaller product/services company, in addition to the consulting work I mentioned prior.

Thinking about life and myself comes to two conclusions, although I am embarrassed to say so- life is pointless and I'm useless... hence the reason I don't like to think of either... however, I'm always thinking in depth of everything (I hear "you think too much" very often) and therefore even when I am busy I can't help but going down those paths at times.

Although most people that know me in a professional sense or as an acquaintance would actually think I am overly confident to the point of cockyness, the truth is simply that this behavior creates results. I do recognize now that myself esteem is extremely low. This doesn't make sense because I have seen great successes in my past (always feeling like I have to prove myself so I've taken on a lot of challenges and triumphed, but nothing ever seems to suffice). That's why any time I talk to friends and stuff the "should" comes out- "You should be proud of yourself" or "you should be happy", but those only go to cause greater internal strife as I blame myself for not being able to be appreciative.

One problem I have when I talk to counselors and the such is that I am really good at reading people, and I am a disturbingly big "people pleaser" and unfortuantely that means I can never discern between what I want and what I think someone else wants of me; therefore I have often unintentionally lead anyone working with me down random paths based on their behavior and thought patterns. I try so hard not to, but it is tough when even I am unable to discern between the truth and the façade. I must say that is one positive to getting feedback online- I don't have the opportunity to read or adapt easily.

Thanks!

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 07:00 PM

Hi, ryans2fast4u!

If you would like to do it, I have an activity that I like to do with people on this site that can potentially help them to feel better about themselves.

If you would like to know what it is and possibly participate in doing it, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

ryans2fast4u · Jun 29, 2009, 07:09 PM

Clough,

Presuming your activity is legitimate and legal, I'd certainly be interested in learning more/consider doing it.

Thanks.

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 07:33 PM

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

Of course it's legitimate and legal! Otherwise, it wouldn't be allowed on the site! :)

What it is, is writing songs and actually being able to here what has been written here on a site on the Internet.

Are you into music, poetry, writing poetry or the lyrics to songs?

Thanks!

ryans2fast4u · Jun 29, 2009, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi again, ryans2fast4u!

Of course it's legitimate and legal! Otherwise, it wouldn't be allowed on the site! :)

What it is, is writing songs and actually being able to here what has been written here on a site on the Internet.

Are you into music, poetry, writing poetry or the lyrics to songs?

Thanks!

Yes to all of the above... in fact, I always dreamed of being a musician... haha. I've written poetry and music lyrics for years, even won a few awards for poetry (nothing major, more like school contests and the such). Haven't much the past few years, but I used to all the time...

Tell me more!

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 07:45 PM

Well, what you do is to post something in the Writing forum topic area. That's one of the areas that I moderate, and if something goes "Oops!" I can fix it there.

We could figure out how to start the thread on this thread, though.

Do you have an acoustic piano or an electronic keyboard of some kind?

Thanks!

ryans2fast4u · Jun 29, 2009, 08:06 PM

I have a half decent keyboard.

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 08:08 PM

What brand of keyboard is it and what is the number associated with your keyboard. I bet that we can find an image of it on the Internet. I would like to know what you have available for you to use...

Thanks!

ryans2fast4u · Jun 29, 2009, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

What brand of keyboard is it and what is the number associated with your keyboard. I bet that we can find an image of it on the Internet. I would like to know what you have available for you to use...

Thanks!

I think it's a casio CTK-519 or similar... it's in storage I'd have to pull it out. Not a great keyboard, but it works. I never really had the patience to really learn piano/keyboard, but as a saxophonist, Oboist, and an electric bass player, I should be able to get by.

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 09:09 PM

There you are! I was wonderning where you disappeared to!

Are there images of what your keyboard looks like on the following search?

Casio - Google Image Search

Thanks!

Clough · Jun 29, 2009, 09:14 PM

I'm going to have to go for a little while, ryans2fast4u, but I will return after a bit.

Thanks!

Wondergirl · Jun 29, 2009, 09:30 PM

Originally Posted by ryans2fast4u

I think its a casio CTK-519 or similar... it's in storage I'd have to pull it out. Not a great keyboard, but it works. I never really had the patience to really learn piano/keyboard, but as a saxophonist, Oboist, and an electric bass player, I should be able to get by.

I got home from work around ten and came dashing over to the computer, but it looks like Clough has things well in hand. I'll be around and about if you need me for anything. Don't forget about me.