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321543 · Jun 26, 2009, 11:07 AM

My oldest son came home from school a year and a half ago and told both his mother and I he wanted to be in a juvenile detention. Needless to say we both were shocked . Here is a handsome kid dressed in an Attire of about 250 dollars each day. Who just don't want to perform up to his capabilities.

My wife and I, have well educated he and his brothers . I am retired Military, My wife is a professional in the medical field. Who still seeks education.
From that day forward we have had a hard battle on our hands .
Breaking in homes , drugs, threats, and the list is endless. This time he was arrested and sent to yet another state place were he is having the time of his life . While I am writing the cheeks to cover the damages . Only now I don't want him to return to my home and this is causing much problems between my wife and I. I also understand her reasons of motherhood . All I want, is him to grow up and except reality and do something with his life .He is almost 18. And despite our efforts he only continues to fight cops and even the teachers of the GED course he was takeing and was kicked from it .
He was teaching my 6 tear old how to use hard drugs , and he came and told me , My wife and I do not drink or use drugs so he didn't learn this from home . What can I do to see he never steps back into this house ?
Obviously the State thinks I am cruel , only they haven't tried living with him. They think he is smart and well mannered ( we taught him this from the time he was born ) He is a player of the system.

What will it be next time is what I keep trying to point out to my wife . Who caters to his wants and whims.
I say he needs to learn to pay for his mess ups, and learn to achieve , because I know he has been well educated by private schools, church, and anything else I could afford.

cdad · Jun 26, 2009, 11:16 AM

How long is he in custody for ? If its until he is over 18 ( many states run juvinile detention until 21 ) then before his release you can get a restraining order against him. If its before he is 18 then that's a different problem. For that you will need to check state laws or tell us the state your living in to help further. Some states allow parents to give away a certain amount of responsibility to the state when you have a child that is a terminal offender. You still keep some legal ties and I believe you also pay into the system for his incarceration. But it releases ties of responsibility. Again it varies from state to state.

321543 · Jun 26, 2009, 01:07 PM

We reside in the state of TN.
They want to release Him to us before he is 18 . When I went to court and he signed over all his rights I was under the impression this had happened already, Then my wife comes home and tells me the are working on a permeancey plan .
I know the judge told him and made him sign a paper that there will be no after care . What does this mean ? Sorry to be dumb at 43 years old , but I have only had a few speeding tickets in my life .

cdad · Jun 26, 2009, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by 321543

We reside in the state of TN.
They want to release Him to us before he is 18 . When I went to court and he signed over all his rights I was under the impression this had happened already, Then my wife comes home and tells me the are working on a permeancey plan .
I know the judge told him and made him sign a paper that there will be no after care . What does this mean ? Sorry to be dumb at 43 years old , but I have only had a few speeding tickets in my life .

Here are 2 links for you to go over. There is no simple answer. Of the 2 you will need to look at 13.27 and how this affects your situation. Since you know exactly what's going on and how far along he is in the system I think these will help you.

Tennessee Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges

( this is the important one and filled with lots of info )

Department of Children's Services

321543 · Jun 26, 2009, 09:33 PM

Thank you

JudyKayTee · Jun 29, 2009, 08:38 AM

I'm confused that you consider him to be well educated and he's taking GED courses - ?

321543 · Jul 1, 2009, 01:12 PM

Well educated as far as , manners, Knowing better, Brought up in a well respected community and family circle, The kid really could be an Honor student , Just comes home one day from Private school and tells us he wants to quite school. The kid speaks 3 languages. Brought up as a member of the church. Most wish they could be like him. Other words great back ground , we were preparing his life after High school, but after the trouble started , he could not return to schools, wanted to be a gangster, And the only way at that point. While in State Lock up GED classes. No school in the state wants to touch his attitude. Even when we visit him in the Boys home the real gangsters laugh at him when they see how well we are dressed and that we drive a BMW and tell him he is crazy for being there. I tell them (The new friends he has made not to look at materials that it was just hard work in the past, that anyone can do it if they just hang in there).
The Child has traveled 17 Countries with his Mother and I and brothers. We do not believe in Drinking or drugs. We do believe in every thing for our kids and seldom have spent time for she and I alone. The only time we have argued in the past is over the kids I have felt the kids should do more around the house that work can teach them success through efforts . Not just give them what ever they want when they want.

Kind of get a picture of what I mean by educated. I am a retired Military officer, my wife is studying to be Doctor. Trust me, how do you think well are dealing with all of this? I would hate to think I failed my son in some way. When all I have done for my family is try and give them all I never had.

JudyKayTee · Jul 1, 2009, 01:23 PM

How much time did you spend with him when he was growing up? With a father in the Military and mother in school was he alone a lot? With caregivers?