[chetatkinsLA]

So, first of all, thanks a LOT to all of you guys who answer questions here. You have saved me from getting into a black hole these last months. My ex dumped me in February 2009 (apparently the month everybody has been dumped lately... makes me wonder... ) and since then I have had the worse time of my life. The only thing that helped me out of it was this forum. I didn´t really write cause I found all my questions answered in other posts, so I felt it unnecessary. But now I have reached a point where I really need some help.

So, I´ll do a little background, very resumed...

Met this girl 2 years ago... super hot, smart, amazing, I liked her from the beginning, but she had boyfriend (who was a loser... she said that). After a year, planets aligned and I started dating her. It was AMAZING... one of the nicest stories we both had ever had (Im 26, she is 23). Im from Europe so whe visited my family twice, in summer and in Christmas. It was pretty serious. (I will save you the obvious lovely life stories which I so much miss right now).

Around December ´08... fights start to appear... any reason would start a fight. Communication started to fail... she became depressed... we were still together, but the "honey moon phase" passed and all her flaws started to become more evident (so did mine, of course). She went to bed at 9... I went to bed at midnight... different schedules... she worked from 9 to 5... im freelance... I like to party and have fun.. she likes to stay home... it started getting difficult. We had to do things HER way always, and Im very stubborn (so is she... ) but I anyway let her "win" usually, since one of the two had to do it for mutual benefit. Yes, we basically were very different, but we loved each other a lot. She has had a very difficult childhood.. dad married 3 times, never had a mum... raised by her dad... she´s not very normal and she has problems with social relationships.. she is very shy... as soon as a problem appears she shuts up and avoids the problem... totally against the way I am.. I like to talk everything and have a good communication. She definitely has a lot of issues, more than normal... but I loved her A LOT... (I probably still do... )

So, come February 09, after having a great Christmas in my country with my family, and only 2 fights... we didn't see each other for a week or so, and I spent a night with her. All good. Next morning it all started being weird... no one talked... something was wrong. I started talking and we were not happy with the way it was going. We accepted to take a week alone to think about stuff. I took that week to think, and realise how much I loved her and how bad I f-ed up in the last months (I had taken her for granted, and stopped doing all she wanted, basically cause I was tired of always doing it her way.. ). She thought about it and she loved me a lot, but he thought we were not compatible.. we were too different, and it wasn't working... and it was best to leave it now than to wait longer, prolongue the pain... etc... basically a breakup... I didn't like this so I freaked out. She although said we needed time, and that maybe after some time we could start again with a clean slate (I know, this is always a lie, but she said it). I had to leave town for work for 3 weeks, and in those days, since she didn't contact me at all, I freaked out, and F-ED UP even MORE:.. started sending her emails, texts... yes.. I know, I suck, that's NOT the way to go... but I couldn't avoid doing it. I wanted her with me, and when I want something I can´t just accept the NOs.

So, biased by the opinion of 347 guys/gals I talked with I started to NC her, but then break NC to text her when I was sad... making it worse... Ater 3 months she said she was giving up, and that it was over. We had a lot of arguments in this time due to me not being patient at all... and I ended up pushing her away unintentionally. I screwed up so bad... but I did so because I always thought I deserved a second chance.. I ed up, but we are human... I deserved one more try with her... I couldn't get it (of course I learned a lot from all of this... but all I learned I wanted to apply it with her.. not with the next girl that comes... ), and that made me really mad. She started ignoring me.. blowing me off... I became SUPER depressed... I still have horrible days, although Im most of the time better, but yeah, after 5 months almost, I still miss her and want her with me, although I know its impossible. Yes, you might say I need to move on, and I have really tried, but she just keeps reappearing in my life by some reason or another. Her sisters wedding was a few weeks ago (I was invited, but of course after the breakup I wasn´t invited anymore... ), and I had a really bad time with myself for not going to that wedding (it kind of meant a lot to me, don't know why).

Not that it matters... but all our common friends say that she doesn't deserve me being good with her after the way she has treated me lately... that she has acted wrong and I have tried everything, and I can´t do anything else... she sucks, basically... hehe. I was very close to her family... and after the breakup... like if I didn't exist... I understand it.. but still SUCKS!

Last thing is that she texted me a couple of days ago to see how I was doing and to see if we could meet up to give her some things I have of hers, and so she could give me back my things.

So this is my question. What should I do? (I´m in total NC mode for at least 3 weeks since the wedding when I wished good luck to the couple, not to her... ).

a) say: Yea, no problem.. see her, get my stuff, say take care and leave... (act like if nothing hppened and I didn't care anymore... )

b) blow her off the same way she has done lately to me ("im busy this week, maybe next week..").

I really don't want to see her cause I know I'm going to go back in my healing process, and I know that the moment I give her her stuff, and she gives me mine.. its going to be 150% over... which I have assumed, but I kind of would like to leave that for the future where Im not as affected as I still am.

Thanks so much for reading (sorry for the length) and I´m looking forward to hearing your advice :)

[jolienoire]

I am sorry I didn't read all the details, but I have read many similar stories. If you don't want to see her then don't mail her things or find a way to avoid seeing her if it is going to help you.

It's not about accommodating her anymore its for your own healing.

You admitted you don't want to see her, then don't. You said it yourself it is not going to be the right time to reopen that communication, when it may set you back.

Can you mail the things? Or give it to someone to give to her?

[SAB123]

It sounds like you are still hurting very badly inside. I would leave her alone and heal some more. I think by texting or seeing her will bring you back to a confused state. If you can ask one of your friends to get your stuff back. I contacted my ex 3 months after she broke up with me and we started talking again. She wanted some things back which I did give back but when I dropped it off it hurt to see some other guy there. I look back now I wish I never gave that stuff back. But now 2.5 years later she has things of mine that I wish I got back. But I don't want anything to do with her so I hope she shoved those thing up her butt. LOL

[friend4u178]

By seeing her you'll just go back in the healing process as you know , so why punish yourself purposely. Not very clever if you ask me sorry.

If the items you have of each others are really that important mail them to each other , that saves you having to see her. And then continue NC so you can finish your healing process.

[chetatkinsLA]

I hate how these last 4 months since we brokeup it has all been a rollercoaster... Some days are amazing, some days are HORRIBLE... sometimes I feel she was the girl of my life, some other I KNOW she wasn´t...

Now, this morning I didn't want to see her at all and just delay seeing her as much as I could... now I want to see her, and get it over with. Truth is she texted me 3 days ago and I still don't really know what to say. I don't know if I want to be honest, flake or just an . I was doing pretty good lately... I actually thought I was almost completely over her... ha! How wrong was I! She just had to text me ONCE to make it all go down... I can't believe she can have all that power.

I sometimes also think I should get another girl.. but the times I´ve tried.. couldn´t make it... I just felt bad with myself! I even thought of moving to another city.. since EVERY street here makes me think about her... but I know this is too much and my life and work for the last 3 years has been here... I have been 3 years in this city, and she just neded 1 year to take over my memories of this place.

The huge problem is that she never had the balls to see me in person and talk to me about it in person. She told me in an email everything, so I kind of always feel after some months she would have the decency to at least meet up with me and talk to me about it. I guess that would make me feel better. Im probably looking for closure in her when I should be looking for it in myself... but I don't see how that could be... I think inside of me I need her to do that to make it go away. I need her to really tell me if she still thinks the same way.. I still have doubts... (yes, Im stupid, I know)... Funny thing is that I didn't even think about these things 4 days ago... ONE text did it all...

[friend4u178]

All exactly right and it just shows how powerful NC is when adhered to. Sounds to me like you haven't really let go and are still clinging on with a bit of False hope , that's why that 1 little text has stirred up all the old feelings and emotions again.

I strongly recommend you just get your stuff mailed as I suggested earlier and don't see her.

You seem to have a pretty good handle on what's happening but that false hope is just clouding your judgement at the moment.

Time to get off the Roller Coaster I think :)

Good luck whatever you decide to do.