[onionhippy]

Wow, thank you :)

At the moment one of the things I am dreading is having to pack all my things up and find a new place to live. Isn't that awful. There are much more important things I should be worried about. I fear his nastiness - he has a tendency to be a really cruel person when he is hurt, like a lot of guys.

[Homegirl 50]

You be careful.

[onionhippy]

You be careful.

I will, thank you :)

Oh, and he is unpredictable. If I e.g. ended it and went to stay with my folks for a few days I don't know if I would come home to find my stuff packed neatly away for me or lying in the gutter. I never know what he is going to do or how he is going to react and that scares me very much.

[friend4u178]

I fear his nastiness - he has a tendancy to be a really cruel person when he is hurt, like a lot of guys.

Another Red Flag and more reason to do what you have to do. Like I said earlier I think you fearing him is one of the reasons your not doing what's best for you.

Ps: We're not all nasty ;)

[Homegirl 50]

Yeah I could read his type like a book. Take what is important to you, what you need and leave. Go to your parents if you can and don't worry about the rest.
You are doing a smart thing. This relationship is not a good one.

[onionhippy]

ps: We're not all nasty ;)

Hehe oh I know! It's so nice! This forum seems to be full of good people who offer genuine advice. :)

Yeah I could read his type like a book. Take what is important to you, what you need and leave. Go to your parents if you can and don't worry about the rest.
You are doing a smart thing. This relationship is not a good one.

I was thinking of going to my folks for a few days, then telling him I will be spending the following weekend packing my things up, and give him the choice, if he wants to stay or go away to a friend's place or something... do you think this is OK?

[Homegirl 50]

Hopefully he will choose to not be there. Is there someone who can be with you to help you pack in case he is there?

Take your important stuff with you when you go to your parents.

[Survivor07]

I agree with Homegirl, take someone with you when you pack... it might be a good idea. It would be helpful if you could do this while he's not home.

Yes, this part is scary and tough, but that's life. You don't grow without some pain and hardship. There's a brighter tomorrow.

Good luck with whatever you decide

[ordinaryguy]

I don't know what to do. Should I leave a man that loves me so? I may never find someone who cares for me like this again, but something has to be done.

Well, you say he's controlling, cruel and unpredictable, so I hope you DON'T ever find someone who cares for you like this again. Yes, something does have to be done, and you do know what it is.

As for how devastated he will be, just keep in mind that neither party benefits from an unhealthy relationship. What's good for you (becoming an independent adult) will ultimately be good for him (becoming less controlling, cruel, and unpredictable), if he learns his lesson. If he doesn't, at least you won't get sucked down too.

I was thinking of going to my folks for a few days, then telling him I will be spending the following weekend packing my things up, and give him the choice, if he wants to stay or go away to a friend's place or something... do you think this is OK?

If he's as controlling and unpredictable as you say, it may not be such a great idea to give him a lot of time to think of things he can do to prevent you from going, or at least make it harder than it should be. It's your call, but I wouldn't want to be alone with him AT ALL after he knows you're leaving and before you can get packed and out of there for good.