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WhoKnows123 · Oct 12, 2006, 10:14 AM

Hello,

This is my first time in these forums... I was hoping some of you could give me a clue to what my girlfriend is doing

Me (20) and my girlfriend (17 1/2) have been dating steady for a year and some change everything was going great we never fought or anything we even got along very well with the with each others parents until about 2 weeks ago she told me we need to talk and that she wasn't for sure about us well we talked for awhile and that seemed to help for a little while then a week later she came to me and said she needed to take break from the relationship she said she needs time to figure things out and what I don't get is that she's still messaging me and talking to me like nothing happened I thought the whole point of a break was time to be apart so you can reassess things not to keep talking even though I don't care cause I love talking to her so should I tell her to stop but I don't want to sound like I'm pushing her away

So would somebody please tell me what they think I should do I would greatly appreciate it

chuff · Oct 12, 2006, 10:45 AM

My first guess is she is toying with you to see if she can. I would tell her that since she's requested some privacy and space you are considerate enough to offer it to her so for that very reason you are going to call her back in a month to see how she's coping.

Knowledgefinder · Oct 12, 2006, 10:50 AM

Tell her how you feel, be honest. Tell her exactly what you're telling us. She does need to set you straight here. Tell her this is all making you confused and you're not really sure what's going on. Does she want to spend time with you or does she want time apart from you for a little while? (ask her these things so you know what's up.) She needs to know what she really wants so that you can know too.

WhoKnows123 · Oct 12, 2006, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by Knowledgefinder

Tell her this is all making you confused and you're not really sure what's going on. Does she want to spend time with you or does she want time apart from you for a little while?

She says she didn't really want to go on a break but she feels like something's missing from our relationship she keeps judging our relationship to her past relationships and she's been talking to her younger guy friends about our relationship I don't want to sound paranoid or jealous or anything cause I don't mind her having male friends but it seems like he might be trying to get me out of the picture from my point of view

Knowledgefinder · Oct 12, 2006, 12:03 PM

You both need to sit down and talk about this. The only best way that she is going to find whatever she feels is missing here is by working it out with you.

This isn't something she should be going to her younger guy friends for help with, in my opinion. She is wanting to be in a relationship with you, not them.

Secondly, it's not very fair of her to be judging the relationship by way of past experiences she had in other relationships. Every couple is different and you both connect in a way that is different from how you would both connect with another individual. Whatever experiences you share, they are your experiences and should not be compared.

Let her know how seeking the advice from her male friends bothers you because you'd rather have it be that she comes to you. If she really wants to work this out with you she will listen and take in what you have to say and work with you and she'll do her best to make every effort to apply toward the relationship the things you will both discuss together.

Wildcat21 · Oct 12, 2006, 01:12 PM

I dsiagree - he needs to pull back and give her space. I have a feeling he is coming across as needy and insecure by what she is feeling. He needs a life. Let her think tyhrough this AND ACTUALLY MISS HIM!!

WhoKnows123 · Oct 12, 2006, 01:17 PM

She sent me a message saying

I know that things have been ever so difficult for us and it’s really hard, but I mean we’ve made it this far. I care so much about you and I don’t know If you realize that but I do; if I didn’t I could had told you all this in the most of casual ways but I wanted to be there with you. I care about what happens to you and I just hope that I don’t hurt you. But I’ve been thinking and I think that literally breaking up would be the best thing for us right now. And I wanted to tell you that I still want you around because I love being with you. It might seem crazy but I think that it would help me distinguish more of how I really feel about you if I don’t have that pressure that you have to wait on me. I hope you understand. Were not eating right or sleeping right and I just think that its very unhealthy and maybe we both need to be single for awhile and so to speak, date other people even though I know that neither of us will be dating anyone, unless the opportunity comes up for you. I don’t want to be in a break though considering the fact that I feel like I am rendering you from moving on if you decide that’s what you want. We both need to just take a chance. But like I said…I still want you around even most of the time because I care for you.

Wildcat21 · Oct 12, 2006, 01:21 PM

Those younger guy friends WILL steer her wrong. No question.

Skell · Oct 12, 2006, 03:53 PM

Back right off.
Act as if you don't care.
Please for the love of god don't plead and beg with her. Don't cry.
As hard as it may be I think you need to just back right off for a while and do your own thing. Hang with your mates, do the things you like.
I think that be enough to get there thinking.
But don't call her, text her, email her etc. Nothing. You make no contact at all. Let her try and contact you. And even then I wouldn't answer.
I bet that gets her thinking.

Is there a chance she is seeing one of these younger guys or even an ex?

She did mention to you that she is comparing your relationship with her past ones?

Skell · Oct 12, 2006, 03:55 PM

She doesn't have the right to say to you that "she still wants you around most of the time".

She doesn't set the rules here. No way. She doesn't tell you when you can and can't see her.

More reason here to completely back off. Leave the scene for a while. At the moment she thinks she can dictate to you what happens. Take that power away from her and see her response.

s_cianci · Oct 12, 2006, 06:04 PM

Don't be too available to her. Talk with her once in a while but not too often and for not too long at a time. Be busy with other things and move on with your life. Be able to enjoy life just as much without her as with her. Once she sees that you're doing fine without her and are slipping away from her, this may get her coming back to you. Then you'll be able to take her back if you want, on your terms. Continually obsessing about her will only push her further away.

s_cianci · Oct 12, 2006, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by WhoKnows123

But like I said…I still want you around even most of the time because I care for you.

It sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Don't let her. Break off all contact with her for at least several weeks. You need and deserve to move on with your life and she has no right to hold you back because of her ambivalence.

Gillion · Oct 12, 2006, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by WhoKnows123

Hello,
so would somebody please tell me what they think i should do i would greatly appreciate it

Let me ask you a simple question that may sound strange...

Do you know yourself ?

t_2006 · Oct 13, 2006, 04:55 AM

I know how you feel mate, I'm 19 and my girlfriend 16, she's also thinking about a brake =( says she still loves me and wants to be with me though, and now my heads messed up

talaniman · Oct 13, 2006, 06:29 AM

Fellows-If a female wants a break give it to her. This not something that has just happened, its something she has been thinking about for a while and your just finding out. For your own good NO CONTACT!! You need to get a life without her. She may want you as a friend, all well and good, but for your sake not hers, leave her alone!!

extremely_shy_girl · Nov 6, 2006, 04:21 PM

Okay. I have to put my two cents in.

The hardest thing to do is realize that you're not happy in the relationship you are in and you have to break it off. I truly believe that people who ask for a "break" in a relationship are signaling to you that they want to break up completely. I know exactly why she still talks to you and acts the way she does toward you. It's because she KNOWS you. She' comfortable around you and you know her. You are her comfort zone. She knows you will be there for her when she needs you.

My ex and I broke up after trying to make it work for so long. We lied to ourselves and thought things would get better, but they didn't. It was just easier for us to be together because we had each other's routines down. I hope I'm conveying what I'm trying to say well.

I believe you just need to let her go and take care of yourself and be independent. Give yourself room to grow and mature. Women love men who are those things. Your life shouldn't disappear when you get into a relationship. Don't get lost in your girlfriend because when it ends, you'll be nothing if she was your everything. God, I sound horrible. LOL. I'll stop now. :P