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bigdud · Jun 20, 2009, 03:39 PM

My wife and I have been marry for 3 and half years. Recently she wants to start seeing other women. I have expressed to her that I don't think would that a go idea because that just the same as cheating. But because she has never had sex with a women she was curious and she express to me that it was something she want to do. We have two kids. An I don't want to leave her. But it does make me jealous her and her quote friends relationship. Now that she has found someone she would like to be involved with. My wife is young she 21 and I am 26 what should I do just let it happen and see where it goes from there?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 20, 2009, 03:53 PM

It is cheating, no be direct this is not permitted ( esp if both of you don't agree) Personally, it would be no debate, if she left to cheat, tell her to pack her bags when she leaves and don't bother coming home

Catsmine · Jun 20, 2009, 04:17 PM

You said you don't want to leave her. What did she do?

I hate to tell you this, but she just broke the deal. Maybe you can salvage this, but my money would go against her ever having a marriage with you again.

bronzebabe · Jun 20, 2009, 04:26 PM

Uh Oh!
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more going on. Most "happily married" women, don't need to see other people- Especially women. She isn't happy, and she has decided whatever her problem is, she can have sex with a woman and "solve" it.
Not Good!!!
If she will go, try some marriage counseling, and fast!!

88sunflower · Jun 20, 2009, 04:46 PM

Its cheating for sure. Not to mention I have seen many women leave there husbands after they got a taste of the other sex. Tell her its you and only you.

N0help4u · Jun 20, 2009, 05:16 PM

I agree with the others it is no less cheating than if it were another man. Ask yourself what you would do if it were another man instead of a woman. Your answer should be the same.

bizygurl · Jun 20, 2009, 05:29 PM

It is cheating.. like what everyone else has said. I think sometimes people think that if its with someone of the same sex, esp. woman think its not cheating. Because Im pretty certain that if it was a man, she wouldn't be telling you she wanted to sleep with him. But if you as the significant other does not feel comfortable and not happy about this then she needs to respect you as her husband and not do it. She should have thought of that before you two were married. I would seriously sit down with her and have a discussion. Tell her exactly how you feel and put your foot down if your not happy about it. If she refuses well I agree that maybe you guys need some marriage counseling, but that's a two way street.

lilmommakris · Jun 20, 2009, 09:12 PM

I can speak personally from a point here- my husband (now ex) told me that he wanted to see me be with a woman- I was young and naïve, and I did it. Then he used that point to spin it in to a "swinging" relationship, saying that I started it, and that I had already cheated with the first woman. So there it is from another mans point of view.. it is still cheating.. sorry man :(

nikosmom · Jun 20, 2009, 10:20 PM

Ask her how she'd feel if the tables were turned- I can't imagine she'd be OK with you sleeping with another man. (just an example!)

Make it crystal clear what your feelings are about this. If she doesn't respect your feelings (not to mention your vows) then this marriage will be over.

Catsmine · Jun 21, 2009, 04:51 AM

And the kids are reduced to a mother and father instead of a Mom and Dad. So sad.

diablomatt · Jun 21, 2009, 04:56 AM

Dude, I have been with my wife for 7 years and we have a child together. If she said to me that she wanted to sleep with a women, I would say, Sweet, but only if I get to watch and possibly join you guys. You can't hold anybody back from something they want to do. It can only cause her to resent you, possibly break up with you and do it anyway. Sure, You have to voice your opinion to her, but at the end of the day, marriage or no marriage, You don't own her, she is an independent soul and she's going to do as she pleases, which is her right. If she enjoys it and decides to become a full-time lesbian(unlikely), that's life and there is somebody else out there more suited to you as a life partner,which you will find, because you sound like a nice decent caring guy. If she tries it once and finds it's not for her, then you've lost nothing. Just be supportive of her desires and needs instead of giving restrictions and creating conflict. However things turn out?? Goodluck mate. {E-Mail removed}

jmjoseph · Jun 21, 2009, 05:55 AM

I know there are a lot of guys that are saying " I wish...", but no, not me . It's cheating, not healthy, not permitted by a committed marriage's vows. Not a situation for a responsible MOTHER to be putting herself into. You are right to be upset and against it. If you were just dating, and not serious, and there were no kids involved, maybe yes. But no way. Good luck and GOD bless you and the kids. I agree that you should go talk to a counselor. Both of you should go. Have a long talk with her, maybe she's just going through a "wild" phase.

flayvur · Jun 21, 2009, 07:39 AM

bigdud, this is the problem with marriages today. They want all the benefits of being married but don't want the responsibilities. No you don't have to accept what's being presented to you. She should have explored before she decided to marry. This union is between you and your wife, not anyone else. People have gotten caught up in the big day of the wedding, instead of the actual purpose of the day. Marriage is like a contract or a covenant between a woman and a man. There are certain things that should never be accepted, and this is one of them. Don't compromise your beliefs and what you feel is right. Your wife is pretty young but that's no excuse for breaking the covenant that you guys made.

shazamataz · Jun 21, 2009, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by diablomatt

Dude, I have been with my wife for 7 years and we have a child together. If she said to me that she wanted to sleep with a women, I would say, Sweet, but only if I get to watch and possibly join you guys. You can't hold anybody back from something they want to do. It can only cause her to resent you, possibly break up with you and do it anyway.

I don't agree with the resentment part, I think if two people love each other enough then that should not be an issue and if it is then the relationship would be in trouble anyway.

Your first part about getting to watch is pretty much the same thing my partner said to me!
If I wanted to be with another woman he would have no problem at all as long as he was there and could watch.

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

I know there are a lot of guys that are saying " I wish...", but no, not me . It's cheating, not healthy, not permitted by a committed marriage's vows. Not a situation for a responsible MOTHER to be putting herself into. You are right to be upset and against it. If you were just dating, and not serious, and there were no kids involved, maybe yes. But no way. Good luck and GOD bless you and the kids. I agree that you should go talk to a counselor. Both of you should go. Have a long talk with her, maybe she's just going through a "wild" phase.

I both agree and disagree with your post. While yes, it may just be a 'wild stage' or experimenting I do not think it is cheating as long as he is present and they both agree to what is happening. If she went off and did it behind his back then yes, It is cheating.

Catsmine · Jun 21, 2009, 09:39 AM

Shaz, the way I read the OP she has gone off and started another relationship. I think that's a betrayal of the marriage if not of the husband since she was open about it.

shazamataz · Jun 21, 2009, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by Catsmine

Shaz, the way I read the OP she has gone off and started another relationship. I think that's a betrayal of the marriage if not of the husband since she was open about it.

Oh.. sorry, I admit I skimmed the first page :o I must have misread something. :o

Catsmine · Jun 21, 2009, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Oh.. sorry, I admit I skimmed the first page :o I must have misread something. :o

I don't know, maybe I read something into it that wasn't there.

Bigdud, has your wife already started this relationship?

bigdud · Jun 22, 2009, 02:11 AM

Yes she has but as soon as she started I made her stop it she can't figure out why it was wrong of her to have relationship like this.

Catsmine · Jun 22, 2009, 02:28 AM

Originally Posted by bigdud

yes she has but as soon as she started I made her stop it she can't figure out why it was wrong of her to have relationship like this.

Because it's either cheating or a 3 way, depending on if you're there. If you want that,have fun. I don't think that's what we're talking about.

jmjoseph · Jun 22, 2009, 05:15 AM

Yeah, to me this sounds more like a bisexual relationship she wants to start. Has she even invited you to join in? Even if, I don't think it will work unless you both are into a "swinger" lifestyle. I had a guy that used to work with me who's wife did the same thing. Well, he lost his job because of it. He didn't want to leave her at home alone because she had this other girl coming over. It was a regular threesome relationship, with him becoming the THIRD person, not second. Anyway, good luck with all this mess you're in.