[mrmountp]

Ok, Here's the deal... I'm currently 24, I started dating (what is currently my ex) when I just turned 18. She was in college and I was in high school. Our relationship started great, we were close, I visited her almost every weekend (because it was easier to hang out in her dorm rather than our parents house), and we were each others first. The following year, her and I then went to the same college and dated all the way through. During that time, we had talked about getting married. Though I wasn't ready to propose, I knew she was the one. We had a lot of fights that summer she graduated because I hadn't proposed... She was about to move 2 hours away and I had 1 more year left of college. We then broke up that summer due to all the fighting and we contacted each other that December. We then started to dating again...


Here is a side story that I'm not sure if it has anything plays a huge part in my long, elaborate question... The November prior to us speaking again, I excepted a job offer in Savannah. We had always talked about moving there ever since we started dating.

Anyway, we dated for about 2 months and then split after a huge fight (I was being irrational because my dad just got diagnosed with cancer, who is OK now... ). She then met this other guy a few weeks later and started seriously dating him..

Another side story, I joined a fraternity while in college and it caused some fights for obvious reasons... Some of the guys smoked up a lot and she did not like them at all. She was always very responsible and acted older than her age, one of the qualities I liked about her.

Anyway, this new guy was about 3 years younger than she was, a Junior in college (in DC where she moved after she graduated) a big pot head and in a frat. I really didn't understand why she would go out with this guy because he seemed to be a representation of what our problems stemmed from (if that makes any since). Also, he was Jewish (I'm not knocking the religion at all, she was just an avid christian and asked me kindly if I would convert from Presbyterian to Episcopalian if we had kids). After a few months she moved in with him and his frat brothers for about a month until they found their own place.

They dated from April of that year ('07) to about November. I moved to Savannah that summer after I graduated.

During that summer, she emailed me asking how I had been... I told her I did not feel comfortable talking to her and that it hurt she was with someone else... She would stop emailing me and the cycle would repeat 1 month later for about 3 months.

I went home for Thanksgiving (home is about 6 hours away) and I received a phone call from her asking if I wanted to hang out. I told her I didn't feel comfortable since she was dating someone else. She then told me she was moving back home which is 2 hours from DC (The college we went to, DC, and our hometown were all 2 hours from each other... ) I ended up telling her that I was busy and was headed back to Savannah in the morning, scared to face her. We actually talked on the phone from Thanksgiving until I came home for Christmas. Part of it was odd cause she lived with him for about a week when were talking. Anyway, the day she packed up and moved, her dad came down to help take her stuff back home... (Her parents did not like her current boyfriend at all). Anyway, she asked him and his friends if they would not smoke while her dad was there, they did not comply and pretty much hot boxed the house from what she told me. When she was done packing, she told him it was over. He then told her "I hope you die", kind of harsh... And I was pissed when I heard that. Anyway I came home early to see her (I planned on coming home the 21st for christmas, but decided to come home the 14th instead to see her more. With my job, I had the luxury to work remote). We hung out everyday, she was very close when I first arrived and days later became more and more distant. She then said she needed to go back to DC to pick up some things that she left at her friends place. She was up there for a while that day and said she was going to stay there for the night with a friend. Unfortunately for her, I was at her parents place waiting for her to come home (I was also talking to her parents because we were really close and I was catching up with them). She called my cell telling me that then she calls her parents a second we got off the phone and told them a different story. They yelled at her because she said she would be home to take care of her dog. She then was pretty much forced to come home because they said they were going to give away her dog if she didn't. Anyway she came home and I found out that she went up there and had lunch and dinner with her ex. I was pissed. 2 days later she called me (it was my bday) and kind of apologized. We hung out from then until christmas and the day after christmas I went to her house and told her I was headed back to Savannah cause I just wanted to leave. We had lunch that day and rashly, she said she wanted to go. We talked about it and she ended up coming down for a few days. We were on and off but it ended up on an awkward note. She went home the day before New Years Eve. A few days later I called her and talked and asked her jokingly who she kissed on New Years, defensively she said it wasn't my business... I have a hunch but really didn't get a confirmation.

Anyway, I was upset with what happened during Christmas and we didn't talk for a long while. I went home in late September of '08 and decided to send her a text to see if she wanted to catch up thinking she was still living in our hometown. She ended up texting me back saying it wouldn't be a good idea because her was ex now boyfriend was in town and that she was moving back to dc with him... I sent her a text asking why and she said that she loved him. I then responded saying, "I guess you didn't learn the first time around".

Months had passed and this Sunday, June 14th '09, she sent me a Facebook message asking for a friend request (I took her off my friends list back in college cause the breakup was bad). I was dumbfounded and waited to respond... I accepted it and the next day she sent me a message stating that she was surprised that I accepted and asking me how I've been. She is single on her Facebook page... and I'm not sure when she broke up with her ex.

I'm really confused about what to do and I have no idea why she is contacting me. I honestly thought she was engaged with this guy. Any advise?

Sorry about the winded post, and the bad grammer/writing ability... at work and trying to get it out quick!

[dreamingartist]

I dated my XGF for a LONG time. We dated and we broke up. Then we dated and we broke up. Then we dated some more and we broke up some more. Same stuff. Facebook requests. Random phone calls. XBF's for her in between. Always coming back to me when she was single. Whenever I had a new GF and she was single it was like she was love sick.

If you invite her to date you and every time you break up you leave the door open, she will use the door next time she wants to come back inside. If you never talked to her ever again she wouldn't have the option. So you are just letting yourself be played or have potential to get hurt. Can the relationship work? I have no idea... but I can tell you after 8 years of my XGF and I doing this, we are broken up. I told my friends hundreds of times that I would never date her again, and sure enough we ended up dating again. And breaking up again.

[talaniman]

I sent her a text asking why and she said that she loved him. I then responded saying, "I guess you didn't learn the first time around".

I will throw your own words back at you "I guess you didn't learn the first time around".

Of course you can't see the pattern here, she goes, and comes in your life as she darn well please, because you let her. Just say NO, and end this cycle.

[mrmountp]

Great responses...

After thinking it over, I don't see how we could even respark anything anyway even if I wanted to... She lives 7-8 hours away. I think I may just keep casual conversation because nothing has been insinuated that she does want to get back with me. I've talked to my buddy about it and he thinks I should stay in her life as a friend... I mean she was my best friend all through college.

On another note, I think the second time we broke up (after I found out I was moving to Savannah) she may be a little upset for me leaving. And, I think this guy she was with before made her feel constant cause she was going through some hardships. Her mom told me that she kept talking about me through the summer I moved to Savannah.

Thirdly, it does irritate me that she can contact me at anytime and I would give in and talk, however, this isn't reciprocated on her end.

All in all, is it a good idea to keep up contact with her casually or should I just blow her off?

[talaniman]

As long as you keep it real, and don't fall for, or play, any BS games, friends is okay, why not?