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142810 · Jun 16, 2009, 12:09 AM

I've been going out with this girl for about a month now and I'm not sure if it's going anywhere. When we talked in person she was lively, funny and I was really in love with her. I've gone out with other girls but I've never had a relationship like this (I'm 19 by the way). About three weeks ago she left to visit her parents out of state and she should be coming back any day now. We've talked everyday she was gone, mainly at night when she's not doing anything, for hours sometimes until three in the morning. She doesn't have any problem talking to me but her messages on myspace are usually short and over the phone she barely says anything. It's like she's not the same person. We never really have had any intimate conversations and it's almost like we're just friends except we say I love you. Things have been recently getting better with out talks and I thought I was really getting to know her then just about an hour ago we were talking and she asked what I was doing. I told her I was thinking and she asked about what. I didn't want to tell her but she said she would tell me what she thinks about so I went a head and told her. I told her that I thought about what my first time would be like. She didn't know I was a virgin and she told me that she thinks about the same thing but she doesn't fantasize like I do. She asked what I thought it would be like and I wrote two paragraphs each about the size of this question about it. All she had to say was "Good job with the detail" and "Wow we sure kissed a lot" and then she said "Well I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed." I feel like she didn't even care that I told her the most personal thing I've ever said to anybody and that she just treats me like a friend. I play guitar and I wrote a song for her and she said that she wanted to do something for me. I told her to think of it as your one week anniversary gift but she wanted to do something anyway which is fine but she doesn't treat it like I did something for her as her boyfriend she treats it like it was a favor. I don't know if I should break up with her or what.

Syzygy · Jun 16, 2009, 12:24 AM

What you are worried about is the appreciation and fairness that's going on in the relationship.

You want her to be like you - romantic, daydreaming, and intimate but she is not this kind of person.

I would say, if you truly don't think you can handle someone who doesn't have the same mindset as you, you should think hard about whether you want this or not. You can't change someone and if her personality traits bother you, it will harvest little seeds of despise in you which will end the relationship eventually.

jlove09 · Jun 16, 2009, 01:40 AM

What Syzygy said.

Then again, this relationship is still short so you can still change things around if you play the right cards. Don't question where you stand or what you guys are. Keep following what she's doing till she asks you and put the ball in her court. Then you would know. I committed the same mistake of romantic and stuff, my ex wasn't at all but run away a little. Keep yourself busy instead of being in her face. Show her that you have other things to do as well.

jlove09 · Jun 16, 2009, 01:41 AM

Ps: I got aggro when my girlfriend didn't react to what I may have said and it always causes a fight. Let her come to you herself.

timothy friel · Jun 16, 2009, 08:39 AM

Well that's the thing about being young, she is away at her (Parents) it may be hard for her to communicate with you, because of her parents. In a relationship, you are supposed to be friends, a relationship isn't about sex, its about communication, companionship, friendship, and love, it sounds like you have all 4, but the main thing is, is not to confuse, friendship with love, there two complketly separate, situations, but women also seem to bottle up everything, so just wait and see, if it doesn't work out that's life, but it sounds like every thing is going OK, just continue to communicate.

talaniman · Jun 16, 2009, 08:50 AM

Better be careful guy, as your own insecurities, and unrealistic expectations are creeping into your ability to relate on a real level.

Don't you think a lousy month is a bit soon for her to know that much about your wants, needs, and insecurities, and what to do about it? Geez, she is away from you, and you may miss each other, but what's that got to do with what you think your not getting?

A month?? You have to be more patient than that, and a lot more involved with other things that do make you happy besides her.

Don't make this about you, but pay attention, and learn more about her.