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talaniman · Jun 15, 2009, 02:15 PM

My heart wants her back, but my mind is telling me NO.

There is much you don't understand about yourself, so it stands to reason that there is much to understand about her as well. Let the emotional dust settle, and take the time to get a grip on the shock, and disbelief of the break up, so you can at least see reality for what it is, whatever it is.

Then you will have decisions to make for yourself, and I caution you about leaving her to make them for you. That will never work.

Stick with NC for your own good for now. Listen to what your mind is trying to tell your broken heart. Time does the rest.

AKeagle · Jun 15, 2009, 02:15 PM

Is there anything that I can do to get her to come back?

Justwantfair · Jun 15, 2009, 02:17 PM

You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!
Get it yet?

AKeagle · Jun 15, 2009, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Then you will have decisions to make for yourself, and I caution you about leaving her to make them for you. That will never work.

How else am I suppose to make that decision, if I have no contact with her? She knows how I feel about us. Is there something more I can do?

Justwantfair · Jun 15, 2009, 02:23 PM

You will revert back and forth, stay strong and true to yourself. You were stronger with your first post and having everyone confirm that you need to let go right now, is just in fact making you sound more clingy.

Find something right now to do that isn't thinking, dwelling and hoping about the future or past. Go find some you time.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2009, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

I don't want to believe it, but you could be right. she isn't very good at hiding things or lying to me, besides the fact that we did everything together, there wasn't any time.

as for growing apart, i could believe that, but at the same time, what we did and how we grew were based on each other. We talked about what we wanted in life, and how to get there.

I would understand the thing about her wanting change, but she would have to do alot of the also, especially after this situation.

You sharing the same dreams as teenagers does not mean that as you get older your dreams and desires don't change. You grew up together, but it is a natural thing to change as you grow older. It does not mean that you need to change in the same way she does, it just means people change as they grow older, what they want out of life changes. That is one reason I think really young people should not get married. Thy have not grown up yet, have the had experiences they often need. It kind of stunts your growth, then a few years down the road you're unhappy because you feel like you've missed out on something, and you often have.

AKeagle · Jun 15, 2009, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You sharing the same dreams as teenagers does not mean that as you get older your dreams and desires don't change. You grew up together, but it is a natural thing to change as you grow older. It does not mean that you need to change in the same way she does, it just means people change as they grow older, what they want out of life changes. That is one reason I think really young people should not get married. Thy have not grown up yet, have the had experiences they often need. It kind of stunts your growth, then a few years down the road you're unhappy because you feel like you've missed out on something, and you often have.

I completely agree, and that I why I never asked to marry her. She was the one always wanting to talk about marriage and future. I did want that for us, but didn't believe we were ready yet, I wanted to get through college and into a career.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2009, 02:53 PM

And maybe she has realized that there is something else she needs or wants. This is not about something you did wrong, just that you two have grown apart.
The best thing you can do for you and her is to respect that she has left and leave her alone. She will not come back to you based on something you do or don't do, it will be because she either wants to or doesn't. So no, there is nothing you can do but leave her alone and use this time to find yourself, find out what you are about who you are apart from her.

AKeagle · Jun 15, 2009, 06:51 PM

I plan on not contacting her. We still have to take care of getting my name off the bank account, but I think I might just leave it alone, and let it ride.

So the decision is completely in her hands?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2009, 06:55 PM

The decision is in your hands really. You need to choose to let her go her way and you go yours. I would make sure her name is off the bank account and anything else her name is on and wish her well.
You don't have to be her friend but you can wish her well. Use this time to get to know who you are apart from her

AKeagle · Jun 15, 2009, 07:00 PM

Well the bank account was her's to begin with, and she added me onto it. So its my name that needs to come off. I just don't want to ruin the progress I have made, by going to see her to take care of it. She can close and re open an account without me.

I told her, "i understand we can't be together now, but still want us to work out, and that i love you. when you are ready to have our relationship and work things out, contact me" and wished her well. So its is out of my hands, and up to her to come back

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2009, 07:05 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

well the bank account was here's to begin with, and she added me onto it. so its my name that needs to come off. I just don't want to ruin the progress i have made, by going to see her to take care of it. she can close and re open an account without me.

I told her, "i understand we can't be together now, but still want us to work out, and that i love you. when you are ready to have our relationship and work things out, contact me" and wished her well. so its is outta my hands, and up to her to come back

The point is, she may not come back. You need to go on with your life. So it is in your hands. You can sit and wait and be miserable or you can let her go and go on with your life.

AKeagle · Jun 16, 2009, 08:15 AM

Do I want to know the truth about this other guy? Or forgive and forget?

88sunflower · Jun 16, 2009, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
You should think nothing at this time about your relationship, handle it when it happens. Focus on you!!
Get it yet?

Could you repeat that please? LMAO... sorry

88sunflower · Jun 16, 2009, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

Do i want to know the truth about this other guy? or forgive and forget?

I would just forget. Wanting to know more about him is just going to sting a little harder, if she even tells you the truth.

AKeagle · Jun 16, 2009, 08:44 AM

I wouldn't want someone that is going to lie to me about it, but I do want to be able to move on with it, and have the comfort that it won't happen again

Homegirl 50 · Jun 16, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

Do i want to know the truth about this other guy? or forgive and forget?

What would be the point and what is there to forgive?
She left you. She told you the spark was gone and she has a problem with your anger. In the interim she found someone else.
What you need to do is leave her alone assume she is not coming back and move on with your life.

talaniman · Jun 16, 2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

I told her, "i understand we can't be together now, but still want us to work out, and that I love you. when you are ready to have our relationship and work things out, contact me" and wished her well. so its is outta my hands, and up to her to come back

I suggest you save yourself some dignity, and self respect, and make your own decision based on facts, and stick to it. Not just depend on what she comes back with.

Originally Posted by AKeagle

Do i want to know the truth about this other guy? or forgive and forget?

You already know the truth, she dumped you for him. That's all you need to know.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 07:11 AM

Day 6, NC.

krzekali89, why when you left your BF for that 2 week period did you go to another guy? And if you were with the other guy, then why did you go back to your BF?

Justwantfair · Jun 17, 2009, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

Day 6, NC. (still hopeful)

You are doing well. Just keep in mind, this time is about you. It isn't helpful to you, but fairly human, to continue to dwell on the 'what if's'.

What new things have you found to do that you enjoy that you haven't done in a long time?

What new hobbies? Sports? Summer events? Leagues?

Getting out there and meeting new people will greatly help with the dwelling on the situation.