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myra22 · Oct 10, 2006, 06:27 PM

I am 21 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years. We have an amazing relationship and are awesome together. In the beginning, (I lost my Virginity to him, but he had had multiple other partners), we had great sex and I was able to orgasm. We did have some rough times, being that I was raised in a Baptist house hold and always taught that pre-martial sex was wrong... so I had a struggle there. And when I was 13 my dad divorced my mom because she was not sexual enough for him. So, as time went on in our relationship, my worrying got worse... and now, I cannot reach an orgasm, and I don't even enjoy sex anymore. I know that my parents' situation plays a big role in this, as well as my background in sex as a sin... but what do I do? How can I get back to having an orgasm and not being so worried about my boyfriend's past girlfriends being better or having the fear that I'll be like my mom and get left by the person I love? Please help.

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 10, 2006, 07:06 PM

First, it was totally wrong that your father gave an cowardly reason for his departure from his marriage... his response to you has left a serious problem... you now have a self esteem problem... because of your sexual problem... there is no reason to blame your mother for the failure of the marriage and the delay in your sex life

Now to you... these things something's happens... it could be poor diet, stress or health problems... go to the doctor get a check up... then find something else to occupy your time and mind.. then stop worrying why your parents have departed... focus on your mate... may be he has reached his peak and is no longer entertaining to you... think about it.. if not... take the advice I suggested earlier.. go get a check-up...

Further note:
Honey if you are able get an organism every time... you need to start your own website and help others... ;)

tre_cani · Oct 10, 2006, 07:15 PM

further note:
Honey if you are able get an organism every time... you need to start your own website and help others... ;)

HILARIOUS!

myra22 · Oct 10, 2006, 07:20 PM

Well, it wasn't the only reason he left my mother, and I do not blame her at all. But it is definitely a self esteem problem for me now. Do you really think I need to see a doctor? Like what kind of physical problem could it be... because what I am feeling is really all mental.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 10, 2006, 07:28 PM

First sadly if he is like most men, he does not care or even really know if you have a organism or not.

Next of course I could get into the entire sin issue but waiting for marriage is always best, and the entier issue of having a lot of partners makes all things harder.
But except for perhaps a few interesting moments, for a man the last time is always the best time until the next time. Men have short memories when it comes to sex. Ok, he may remember a cheer leader costume or body paint one time, but on the normal, he is concerned on his need and desire.

Next if someone loves you, they don't cheat or leave someone for not having sex. My wife had a medical issue and we did not have sex for over a year and a half, I was more celebrate than some catholic priests.
But I loved her and sex was not what our relationship was based on.

And that is the main issue, are you a sex toy for him, or are you a partner who he loves and are the two of you building a relationshiop, not sexual positions.

And it never hurts to see a doctor,

myra22 · Oct 10, 2006, 07:38 PM

Fr_Chuck,

Maybe I should explain more about the relationship with my boyfriend. If I could describe him accurately I would, but unfortunately there are no words in human language to exactly pinpoint how wonderful he is. I am not a sex toy... and he loves me, and I love him. He has been so understanding with my whole sex issue and we have had numerous talks and he is in the process of helping me.
Also, waiting for marriage I don't feel is the best policy... That's what my mother did, and it left her lost and confused in her sexuality. For me, I feel waiting till you have found someone you truly love and trust... that's a good time to share your body with someone. For my boyfriend, I waited, and waited until I knew I loved him. We are actually now getting engaged and will be married within the next year.
He is only concerned about my sex life because I am so frustrated and concerned. Having a great sex life is very important to me. It is something I want to share with him.
Any advice on how to put the past behind me and focus on him? Are there really physical reason I may not be able to have an orgasm anymore?

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 11, 2006, 11:01 AM

"...waiting for marriage I don't feel is the best policy....That's what my mother did, and it left her lost and confused in her sexuality. .."

You are still connecting yourself to your mother... the issues you say your mother has with sex are not yours... do not blame her for your decision to create a better you... it left her lost and confused in her sexuality are... you saying she does not know if she is lesbian or bi-sexual or same sex? If this is not what you mean please leave your mother out of your problem... it sounds like you are needing to blaming someone else for the issues you have... accept your response ability about your body... your are watching tooo much television... and many time television does not represent the real world... :cool:

Depressed in MO · Oct 11, 2006, 02:19 PM

Hello. It sounds to me that you are having orgasm issues because these things appear in your mind during intercourse (which sucks). I don't think you need to see a physician, but maybe a therapist or psychologist to talk about the things that are bothering you. Someone can help you come to some kind of closure of what went on between your parents, and then maybe you will be able to go on to learn some mind techniques to use during sex to help you get to that blissful point again. You know what they say-It's all physical for a man, mental for a woman. Now, I don't know if that is true for all, but it definitely is for me, and I don't know anyone different-but you never know!

And yeah, I agree-if you have one EVERY time, please let us all in on the secret, because I believe that to be a miracle! :) LOL

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 11, 2006, 02:48 PM

I am not asking some one to forget certain issues... but, the constant blaming the mother and not the father gives me that dark flag waving feeling... are the issues with her sexual life because she desires not to be like her mother... passive and devoted to her husband and children... willing to sacrifice herself for the children... that it drove the father away because he is jealous of the attention the children are receiving from the mother... what better way to get back at the mother... by telling his child... that mommy was not good in bed... mommy probably did not want to get pregnant and have the added pressures of raising some more children...

Depressed in MO · Oct 12, 2006, 06:06 AM

I see your point...

talaniman · Oct 12, 2006, 06:34 AM

Just a shot in the dark, maybe the lust and newness has started to wear off a bit and the relationship needs to be better defined as to what it is the two of you have. Sometimes we try so hard to get to that good feeling that we are frustrated that we can't get there. Work on building the other areas in your life and see if the you are more relaxed during sex. You haven't said how long you've been together and I assume you are living together,do you work or go to school?

but what do I do? How can I get back to having an orgasm and not being so worried about my boyfriend's past girlfriends being better or having the fear that I'll be like my mom and get left by the person I love? Please help.

Work on getting over your insecurities and try to enjoy the now and be assured that whatever happened in his past he is with you. You have said he treats you well and loves you very much. Believe it.

myra22 · Oct 12, 2006, 03:49 PM

Yeah, I said we've been together for a little over two years... and we don't live together. I am a professional photographer and am graduating this December. I, for the past year now, have been pretty much consumed with school, so I am thinking once that dies down, things will be fine. You're right though... I need to let go of my insecurities and be more confident. THanks for the advice.