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queryqueen · Jun 11, 2009, 01:31 PM

Dear All,

I am new to this forum and I need your help. I am so so heartbroken and am not sure how to deal with this. It's been six months now since the break up but I feel I have not moved on. To put it in a nutshell, the relationship was a mess. We loved each other truly and deeply and were considering marriage. But I was not ready because my family didn't approve and when I realized that I could not live without him, he had shut the door on me.

Things are so bad that he refuses to talk to me. I literally begged him not to end the relationship, apologized for my mistakes, but he has made up his mind. We study in the same college and he does not even look at me if we run across each other.

I know it's over for him. He admitted that he does not love me and that we are two very different people. But I can't seem to get over the humiliation. He doesn't answer my phone calls and and I can't believe that he does not love me. I understand that he does not want to deal with the mess... but relationships are never without problems. He has moved on... for good. I don't blame him.

But I am stuck... like an idiot. I feel terrible about myself... very low in self-esteem, confidence has gone down the drain. I have never been treated so badly. Please help.

kctiger · Jun 11, 2009, 01:40 PM

His actions clearly state his feelings, or intentions... or whatever. Whether you "believe" does not matter, what you have to do is accept it. 6 months is a long time to still feel awful about yourself and the events. Have you been talking to him this entire time? Why do you still call him?

I wish · Jun 11, 2009, 03:22 PM

He's already very clear about his feelings. He's doing exactly the advice that we would give to people. Do not contact your ex, do not answer their calls. Avoid then if you see them or keep the conversation as short as possible.

So now it's your turn to follow suit. As long as you keep trying to communicate with him, you are just going to prolong the pain and suffering. There's no magic potion that you can drink and get over him overnight. You have to give yourself time. But before that, you need to stop attempting to communicate with him, otherwise, time won't even help you, because you will continue to have false hope and keeping your life on hold.

MiSSsy111222 · Jun 12, 2009, 07:26 AM

I agree with the above. I think one of the main points of moving on is acceptances. You sound like your still in denial over the break up. I think you need to realise that not everyone always feels the same feeling as you do. Basically his feelings are gone.

Positive thinking is the way forward. You need to keep strong and stick to NC. This means no attemps of calling, no text, IM etc. Also it does not help that you have to see him eveyday. Well college doesn't last forever. You need to help yourself and get out of this rut. I have been there and it only drags you down.

queryqueen · Jun 12, 2009, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

His actions clearly state his feelings, or intentions...or whatever. Whether or not you "believe" does not matter, what you have to do is accept it. 6 months is a long time to still feel awful about yourself and the events. Have you been talking to him this entire time? Why do you still call him?

Thanks for the advice... I agree with what you say... but have not given myself a time frame for coming out of this mess. I haven't called him for some time... but yeah I did try to talk to him two months back. I was happy about getting a scholarship and wanted to share the good news... I did it on spur of the moment without having any expectations of starting it again. But I received a shocking dismissal.

I have learned the lesson... not to bother him and I have to let it go. Love doesn't always work:-)

kctiger · Jun 12, 2009, 01:28 PM

Love always works if you love yourself! You know what kind of person he is, and every incredibly good thing you accomplish in your life you should be proud of... you NEVER need his validation to prove anything. Hang your head high, as I have a feeling you are going to accomplish many great things in years to come.

slapshot_oi · Jun 12, 2009, 01:48 PM

I found these excerpts troublesome: "he refuses to talk to me... I have never been treated so badly... he doesn't answer my phone calls... humiliation".

You need to stop acting like he owes you something because he doesn't. You're focusing on how he is supposed to interact with you, the way you see it, instead of focusing on yourself.

queryqueen · Jun 12, 2009, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

I found these excerpts troublesome: "he refuses to talk to me... I have never been treated so badly... he doesn't answer my phone calls... humiliation".

You need to stop acting like he owes you something because he doesn't. You're focusing on how he is supposed to interact with you, the way you see it, instead of focusing on yourself.

He does not owe me anything. But yeah, there are always expectations. I didn't expect him to greet me with open arms... but hey it doesn't hurt to treat not just me but anyone with decency. I don't have any grudges against him. Thanks for the comment though... I AM focusing on myself... but it will definitely take some time to erase him from my life. You don't fall in and out of love that easily.

De4rest · Jun 12, 2009, 03:36 PM

Stop begging him and start the healing process will you?! I mean, past is past he doesn't feel the same way as he used to towards you. That's also means is a good thing his love is not as strong as u thought. Good thing you didn't end up marrying him. What if this happens when you are married? Divorce is ten times harder than now. Btw, congratulations on the scholarship. You are a smart girl so you should be proud of yourself and just keep on looking forward and never look back. Feeling that way is fine but it becomes unhealthy if you have been feeling that way for the past 6 months. Get professional help if you need to. Do whatever it takes to get past this except trying to contact him.