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loveangel · Oct 10, 2006, 01:51 AM

:confused: please help me! I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and he still hasn't said I love you and he is awfully distant.
I am still with him because he is a very good person and has good goals in life but it hurts me not knowing if he loves me or not.
WHAT SHOULD I DO??

Krs · Oct 10, 2006, 02:00 AM

Hello and welcome to AMHD :)

It's a tricky one. Have you asked him if he loves you? If so what does he say?

Wildcat21 · Oct 10, 2006, 09:30 AM

Hmmmmm - you need to decide if this is important - some guys will never say it. But if he doesn't love yo uafter a year - why settle?

Knowledgefinder · Oct 10, 2006, 10:06 AM

There is no excuse here. If he loves you, he will say it. Somehow, some way.

If you've said it to him and he hasn't said it in return, something is wrong. If this is the case, you should part ways and find someone that does love you.

It has been a year, if you're questioning this, there is something wrong.

You can try to talk to him, but he needs to be able to say I love you on his own, not because you're asking him about the subject.

It can be hard for people to share their emotions, yes, but there is no excuse for not saying I love you. No excuse.

talaniman · Oct 10, 2006, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by loveangel

:confused: please help me! i have been with my bf for just over a year now and he still hasnt said i love you and he is awfully distant.
i am still with him because he is a very good person and has good goals in life but it hurts me not knowing if he loves me or not.
WHAT SHOULD I DO???

You should back off if you have told him how you feel. After a year he has issues or is uncomfortable expressing himself. Either way is not good, so back-away and let him chase you a little, Don't be taken for granted.

s_cianci · Oct 10, 2006, 06:51 PM

How do you feel? Does he make you feel that he loves you? Don't worry so much about words ; it's actions that are important. If he behaves in a loving manner towards you then you've got nothing to worry about.

Knowledgefinder · Oct 10, 2006, 10:26 PM

Let me clarify my post because I'd rather not have any more people than I do already, getting the wrong impression of what I have written.

The issue I was addressing was what wasn't being said. I agree with you s_cianci about talk being cheap. However, in this particular situation, nothing is being said at all. A year of dating and nothing has been said, that's why I am being so hard on the guy. He should be able to communicate the words somehow, a year is a long time. Even so, regardless of my failure to be more detailed, in a years worth time, she should not have to be questioning this man's love for her. He should have said or shown it somehow by now.

Anyway, I apologize if my post came across as insensitive in any way.

Actions do sometimes speak louder than words, but in this case, I'm not so sure that this is happening from him.

If he's not showing it somehow or saying it in someway that works for him, he probably doesn't feel it. I mean, yeah, sharing your feelings is big, and can be difficult to do, but if the other half can't recognize your feelings because it's not being expressed clearly enough, that's a problem, especially if one person already feels it and the other has been unable to clearly share the mutual feelings in return.

I would talk to him about this if you feel it is best, but you risk the chance of him just "saying it". You would do better at observing his actions, like s_cianci said, than looking for the words. (though after a year, I would think that he should be able to say them to you by now or that his actions be obvious by now as well.)

If I had been with someone for a year and I still wasn't sure if I was loved, I'd be gone, but that's just me.

Krs · Oct 11, 2006, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

How do you feel? Does he make you feel that he loves you? Don't worry so much about words ; it's actions that are important. If he behaves in a loving manner towards you then you've got nothing to worry about.

I LOVE YOU, are just words when said when there is no feeling or meaning behind them, when said just because the other said it to you, saying I LOVE YOU, is very important in a relationship, of course it is, BUT you say them ONLY if you mean it, that's when it means something.