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Synnen · Jun 10, 2009, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

Could I argue the fact that I didn't know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and am still not certain that she is mine since paternity has never been established and the mother refuses to do so?

Only if you're in a state without a putative father registry.

Seriously--that registry is SPECIFICALLY against paternal rights. She can come back ANY time in the child's life to get child support, but you have 30 days after the child is born to establish parental rights? Personally, I find that scary, but apparently I'm in a minority.

Really--this is exactly why you need a lawyer. Adoption law is VERY mucky, and changes so much from state to state it's not even funny. Step-parent adoption--same thing.

Either way, if the child has not been adopted yet, you need to establish paternity ASAP. If the child HAS been adopted, you're going to have to get this moving BEFORE they leave the country.

Call a lawyer TODAY.

JasonDrew · Jun 29, 2009, 11:05 PM

My ex wants her husband to adopt our daughter, I do not. Now my question is, if I am NOT on the birth certificate can she subpoena me by publication for the adoption? Or would paternity have to be established?

Synnen · Jun 30, 2009, 07:32 AM

It depends on what state she's in.

Personally, I'd get a lawyer if I were you and establish paternity myself. Once you ARE established as the father, you'll owe child support and will have a say in your child's life--including whether she can be adopted by her stepfather.

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2009, 07:51 AM

Before an adoption can go through, the court is going to want her to identify the possible fathers. She will then need to subpeona those people to take a test to determine paternity.

She will have to show that she made a good faith effort to contact all potential fathers.

You can head her off trying to sneak this past you, by filing for joint legal custody right now.

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

It depends on what state she's in.

Personally, I'd get a lawyer if I were you and establish paternity myself. Once you ARE established as the father, you'll owe child support and will have a say in your child's life--including whether or not she can be adopted by her stepfather.

I live in Florida but her and my daughter live in South Carolina.

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Before an adoption can go through, the court is going to want her to identify the possible fathers. She will then need to subpeona those people to take a test to determine paternity.

She will have to show that she made a good faith effort to contact all potential fathers.

You can head her off of trying to sneak this past you, by filing for joint legal custody right now.

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 11:46 AM

What can I do if I can't afford to hire an attorney to get my parental rights to my daughter?

jenniepepsi · Jun 30, 2009, 11:48 AM

Where do you live? I can get you in the right direction to some local lawyers that take either discounted, or pro bono, but not if I don't know where you are :)

stevetcg · Jun 30, 2009, 01:02 PM

You don't necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and don't dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

cdad · Jun 30, 2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

Is it also possible that your not paying child support ? And you have never taken the time to go through the courts to make yourself the legal father ?

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Is it also possible that your not paying child support ? And you have never taken the time to go through the courts to make yourself the legal father ?

I don't know their physical address so I can't file anything. And I have offered her child support and she refused it.

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2009, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

Supposedly? What makes you think that? You need to get this confirmed and fast. If you know their general location then you should be able to check the Family Court records for the area.

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

I don't know their physical address so I can't file anything. And I have offered her child support and she refused it.

This is why you need a lawyer. You should have filed for paternity immediately. I would strongly suggest you get an attorney tomorrow. The attorney can check the court records. If he finds the adoption took place, he can file a motion to overturn it on the grounds that you were not notified. Do you have any proof that she knew how to contact you prior to March?

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Supposedly? What makes you think that? You need to get this confirmed and fast. If you know their general location then you should be able to check the Family Court records for the area.

This is why you need a lawyer. You should have filed for paternity immediately. I would strongly suggest you get an attorney tomorrow. The attorney can check the court records. If he finds the adoption took place, he can file a motion to overturn it on the grounds that you were not notified. Do you have any proof that she knew how to contact you prior to March?

I called their local courthouse and they said they could not release any information pertaining to an adoption case. Yes I have proof that she had contact with me. But I can't afford an attorney, any suggestions?

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

You dont necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and dont dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

I just assume I need a lawyer since it's a very complicated situation

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2009, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

But I can't afford an attorney, any suggestions?

You can't afford not to have an attorney. If you don't get one, then you can just about forget contacting your daughter until she is 18!

If the court will not release any adoption records. I'm not sure what your next step would be. I think you have two choices. You can file for paternity of the child. But you will have to do so where the child lives. If you do, they will have to counter that the child was adopted. At that point you would have to ask why you were never contacted to relinquish your rights. If you can prove she knew where to contact you and didn't, you can, most likely, get the adoption overturned.

The other path is to file a challenge to the adoption. But to do that you need to know that there was an adoption and where it was recorded. This means an attorney issuing a subpeona for the records. An attorney can get this done, even if you can't.

JasonDrew · Jun 30, 2009, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You can't afford not to have an attorney. If you don't get one, then you can just about forget contacting your daughter until she is 18!

If the court will not release any adoption records. I'm not sure what your next step would be. I think you have two choices. You can file for paternity of the child. But you will have to do so where the child lives. If you do, they will have to counter that the child was adopted. At that point you would have to ask why you were never contacted to relinquish your rights. If you can prove she knew where to contact you and didn't, you can, most likely, get the adoption overturned.

The other path is to file a challenge to the adoption. But to do that you need to know that there was an adoption and where it was recorded. This means an attorney issuing a subpeona for the records. An attorney can get this done, even if you can't.

Thanks for all the advice. I think it's ridiculous that I have to get an attorney to see my daughter but I'm going to have to figure out a way to hire one.

cadillac59 · Jun 30, 2009, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

You dont necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and dont dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

Family court is user-friendly? Not where I am. Not really I mean.

I suppose it is true that judges can be very forgiving of pro per litigants, that's probably fair to say since so many unrepresented people in court just wander around in a daze. But it's far from easy or an easy practice. It takes lawyers usually a good 4-5 years of doing it to really have a handle on it, that's what I've noticed.

Justwantfair · Jun 30, 2009, 07:12 PM

In Illinois, Winnebago County, you will only do well for being pro se (self-representing) if you know the court system well enough to file motions properly and stick to facts whenever in front of the judge.

If your opposing party has counsel, you will be a great disadvantage, as you will often not be heard or you will be run over in the court room.

If you believe in your case, then you should do what you can to work out a payment arrangement with a Family Law attorney, there isn't a price to doing what is right and necessary for your children.

You can also check with Legal Aid in your area to see if they offer assistance.

Edit: $15,000.00 later it was a struggle to pay attorney fees, but the reward of doing what was right for my child's best interest's was priceless.

If you are only seeking visitation with your child or enforcing your rights, as a parent, for you child - pro se maybe suitable. If you have a complex situation as you suggested, then I definitely recommend counsel on your behalf.

s_cianci · Jun 30, 2009, 07:13 PM

As jennie stated, it is generally possible to get attorney services for free or at a reduced cost if you are unable to pay standard attorney fees. But as steve also stated, family courts are generally very cooperative and will work with you if you are representing yourself. Also, since you are evidently taking this action against your daughter's mother to enforce parental rights, presuming that a lack of cooperation on her part is what necessitated your taking this action, you can ask the judge to order her to pay your attorney fees. If her income is such that she could reasonably be expected to pay and she was the cause of you having to initiate court action in the first place you'd have a very good chance of getting the judge to award you attorney's fees.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 30, 2009, 09:12 PM

If you can not afford an attorney, try the legal aid society for your area.

Also what is so complicated ?

It works best if both people can merely agree to when and who gets the child. The child support is normally just a set amount according to income.

Let me put it this way, I went to law school, I worked criminal law for years. But in my recent divorce I would not even step into the court room without my attorney.