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Opal88 · Jun 9, 2009, 09:59 AM

Hi.. I am divorces and my fiancé is widowed..
I wanted a quiet wedding with just our children who are ecstatic about the wedding.. no problems there.. thankfully.

My fiancé wants his widows family invited and is upset with me as I just want our children and immediate family.

He is also quick to accuse me of not trying to be friends with his friends... I do try but all they talk about is old times of him and his previous wife... like I am not even there for god sake..

HELP ME!!

Wondergirl · Jun 9, 2009, 10:09 AM

Your soon-to-be-husband has a long history with other people who aren't in your history. That's a tough situation. I suggest you be the bigger and more welcoming person right now and invite the deceased wife's family and also be involved socially with the old friends. You will want to scream sometimes, but you will end up smelling like a rose. Plus, you will learn many interesting things and hear many amusing stories about your new husband.

LearningAsIGo · Jun 9, 2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Your soon-to-be-husband has a long history with other people who aren't in your history. That's a tough situation. I suggest you be the bigger and more welcoming person right now and invite the deceased wife's family and also be involved socially with the old friends. You will want to scream sometimes, but you will end up smelling like a rose. Plus, you will learn many interesting things and hear many amusing stories about your new husband.

Great advice!

I can empathize a bit. My husband grew up a few hours away from my hometown, so I do not know any of his friends. Even after 10 years together, his family talks to him constantly about people I've never met... its frustrating, but just a fact of life. Over time, it gets better. Just give it a chance and soon you'll be their friends too. :) Wondergirl is right... you'll come out smelling like a rose.

redhed35 · Jun 9, 2009, 01:58 PM

Have you considered having the quite wedding and then a big family bash later that evening or when you get back from your honeymoon?

I'm sure you both had full lives before you met and both sides could tell lots of amusing stories,with both families there you would have a lot of emotional support and other people apart from your new husband who love you..
Even if you decided to have a dinner party before or after the wedding,balance the guests so you both have your own people too.
You may find that new stories will come about that you and your new husband can now start your own stories.. together.

Hot4Scott · Jul 13, 2009, 08:13 PM

I think that while yes it may be somewhat hurtful because they act like your not there . You need to show that you are there and You are the new MRS.
You don't necessariliy need to be exceptionally welcoming like there your family , but show them that you are capable of not stooping to their level.
Just remember to keep your head up, marry YOUR man , and live your life after all why spend your marital bliss letting people worry you. I am sure they would not let you ruin there day so don't let them ruin yours;)

mslhop1 · Oct 31, 2009, 05:32 PM

Wow! Perhaps you are painting too rosey a picture here. My husbands deceased wife's mother cried at our wedding, making a scene and did not congratulate us in line after the marriage. I have opened my home, my arms and my heart to this deceased wife's family, including her daughter that is not my husband's and all the aunts, uncles, etc. What I have received in return is not anything like you have described. Set boundaries. Things continue to get worse for me and although my husband has been fairly supportive, the interference, disrespect and inconsiderate behavior is unbearable. I am raising my step daughter as my own and have a son. My son is treated like a second class citizen and my step daughters grandmother has twice lied to me and allowed her older half sister to take her without permission. This half sister just dropped out of college, totalled her car, quite the only part-time job she has ever had, and is modeling in garages, into porn and has a new boyfried every week. My step daughter is ten! I do not want her subjected to pervs, porn, drugs or any of her half sister's inappropriate behavior. In my attempt to reach out, I am being treated like a door mat.