[Trefussus]

My girlfriend and I have been going together for about 3 years now, and living together for about a year and a half or so. We have 3 kids together now and were happy up until the birth of our last child. Our last child is only 2 months, but right after she gave birth to him she started acting strange. Wanting to go out by herself, wearing clothing she wouldn't usually wear, a lot more jewellery, makeup and just acting out of the ordinary. And now she wants to break up, she says she's lost all feeling for the relationship, wants to be alone and would rather just be friends, when right before we had our baby we were talking about getting married and moving in to a bigger place. It's like a switch was flipped and she is someone else. I want to stick it out and hope it's just some sort of phase, but I really have no idea what is going on with her. Is this a chemical thing or does she actually want this?

[I wish]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, it happens. It sounds like you guys have a weak communication system if she can do something so sudden. My guess is that we're missing some information about your situation.

After a 3 year relationship, she doesn't wake up one morning and stop having feelings for you. It must have been a build-up and she just let it out one day. Has she confronted you with her concerns about your relationship?

[Trefussus]

Indeed, I've left out a lot of information actually. I'm used to saying we have 3 kids, but actually we only have 2 kids. Her first son isn't biologically mine and I've been raising him for the past 3 years, but the biological father is still in the picture and see's his son every other weekend. They've been talking a lot over text and she swears she has no feelings for him and I believe her, but maybe that is where I'm mistaken? She doesn't really communicate her feelings. If you ask her she says she has absolutely none and has no real opinion on anything, but I do a lot of the communicating for us and that's how things usually come out, by me asking the questions. We have had problems in the past with her ex boyfriends coming around off and on, but that may be because I made a big deal out of nothing.

[Triysle]

Indeed, I've left out alot of information actually. I'm used to saying we have 3 kids, but actually we only have 2 kids. Her first son isn't biologically mine and I've been raising him for the past 3 years, but the biological father is still in the picture and see's his son every other weekend. They've been talking alot over text and she swears she has no feelings for him and I believe her, but maybe that is where I'm mistaken? She doesn't really communicate her feelings. If you ask her she says she has absolutely none and has no real opinion on anything, but I do alot of the communicating for us and that's how things usually come out, by me asking the questions. We have had problems in the past with her ex boyfriends comming around off and on, but that may be because I made a big deal out of nothing.

This is absolutely not true. She may not acknowledge her feelings, and she may not feel like she can express herself around you, but she certainly does have them.

This is a major red flag. This is basically the klaxons blaring before the nuclear reactor blows up. Make sure you are a long way away unless you think you can somehow stop the disaster (which at this point would probably take a miracle).

Best of luck. Oh, and just so you know, her actions are completely selfish in this regard. Don't beat yourself up too much. Maybe you could have given her a bit more space, but frankly if you already started a family you should have both been willing to work things out together.

~ Tee

[Trefussus]

I see. Just today I was asking her why she wants it this way and she just kept saying she doesn't know, she just feels that way, but she was always like that, she never had an opinion. I know she has feelings, but doesn't express them through words, she does through actions. So is there any possibility it may be a chemical just after giving birth? Or is there no hope?

[Triysle]

I see. Just today I was asking her why she wants it this way and she just kept saying she doesn't know, she just feels that way, but she was always like that, she never had an opinion. I know she has feelings, but doesn't express them through words, she does through actions. So is there any possibility it may be a chemical just after giving birth? or is there no hope?

You just said that she has exhibited this type of behavior throughout the entire relationship, so no, I do not think it's a chemical imbalance.

Ultimately, you need to accept that she does not feel the same way about you as you do about her. This is one of the most difficult stages of a breakup. Everyone here has been through it... I suggest you read the stickies, and if you are interested you can read my posts from when I first joined a little over a month ago.

We all have different journeys, and we all heal and learn differently. Your best option right now is to acknowledge her lack of emotion for you. It sucks, I know. I went through the same thing (though to be fair, I did deserve some of it), and trust me, it will hurt more than anything else you've ever experienced. But it won't ruin your life unless you let it, and as long as you realize your own self-worth you'll become that much stronger for it.

Hell, in just about a month I've gotten a new job, my own apartment, I've lost about fifteen pounds, and I've reconnected with a ton of old friends and made some new ones too. There is a life buried deep down, underneath everything you changed to be with this person.

You have to accept one thing though - you cannot change how she feels about you. You can only control your own actions. The sooner you focus back on yourself, the better off you will be.

~ Tee