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L0stinLimb0 · Jun 5, 2009, 02:37 PM

I think there are similar posts, sorry for a repost, but I suppose everyone is different...

I recently got dumped (3weeks ago) by an Ex/Gf she had left 3 times in 3 yrs (twice cheating), and I have always been "There" for her when we txt messaged each other or anything, our recent break up I broke the NC rule after 2 weeks, which led me to disaster, things went well for the 4 days of back to hanging out she treated me so good for those 4 days, but day 5, slept together and she hadn't contacted me for 2 days after me trying..

She now has txt me at least once a day, but all this time I have made myself LC as not in the past, the last time she had txt me was early Thurs morning (2am), asking me if I was awake, I replied approx 8 hrs later, she called my house, that Thurs morning no message left(9:30am) I wasn't home... she then called my cell @ 10am(never answered) txt me said I need to talk to you, but about work, said I wasn't the right person to talk to for the issue, called again @ 10:05am (I never answered) she txt and asked why wasn't picking up, told her I couldn't right now, she then txt me again, about a work question, told her again I couldn't help her, so she txtd me again and told me to stop being an idiot, I haven't heard from her since that last comment she txtd me, as I never replied to her insult, as I always did in the past...

Do I message her? Or just leave it be and go back to NC or continue LC, seems like I have just added fuel to her fire about me in not replying or reacting the way I usually do/would have, what she is used to me doing... we have booked for counciling in 2 weeks so I am not sure...

Any advice or help?

TY

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 02:58 PM

I recently got dumped (3weeks ago) by an Ex/Gf she had left 3 times in 3 yrs (twice cheating),

I disappear from her life and never talk to her again. I wouldn't even tell her anything, just vanish in thin air and ignore her a$$.

chuff · Jun 7, 2009, 12:07 AM

I'm the idiot here. Does LC mean little contact?

To answer your question, you need NC (no contact people, I'm up to here) for yourself. Right now your still somewhat confused and hurt and you need this time to sort out your feelings.

She didn't feel guilty when she dumped you. She didn't feel guilty when called you an idiot. She didn't feel guilty when she was playing her game. Do not feel bad for that. Do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.

I wish · Jun 7, 2009, 04:53 AM

You guys broke up 3 times already. There are reasons you broke up. If you're not going to fix the problems that broke you up in the first place, then there's no point getting back together. If she cheated twice, then the trust is gone. When the next time there will be cheating?

It's time to stop making yourself suffer. Let her go and move on. Block her out of your life. Definitely implement NC until you stop having feelings for her.

talaniman · Jun 7, 2009, 06:26 AM

Your other question was the same as this one, so it was deleted to avoid confusion. How about some feed back on the advice given, since I doubt it will change. No need for another duplicate question.

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your other question was the same as this one, so it was deleted to avoid confusion. How about some feed back on the advice given, since I doubt it will change. No need for another duplicate question.

Thought it was kind of the same question just newer development, as for the feedback on the advice, pretty much speaks for it's self and seems unanimous, so that's what I'm going with, the NC rule as I first implemented in the beginning, until I find myself again.

Sorry for the double post and really appreciate the feedback, I still will go for coucelling but on my and for myself...

Thanks Again

LiL

jjwoodhull · Jun 7, 2009, 08:45 AM

Counseling might still be good for you... there must be a reason that you have allowed her to treat you this way for 3 years. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. The reason she is reacting this way is because you are not behaving the way she is used to you behaving.

End all contact with her. Do not answer the phone. Do not reply to texts. Do not anwer emails. Unfriend her from myspace, Facebook, etc.

She is emotionally abusive and you deserve someone who treats you right.

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 7, 2009, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

Counseling might still be good for you... there must be a reason that you have allowed her to treat you this way for 3 years. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. The reason she is reacting this way is because you are not behaving the way she is used to you behaving.

End all contact with her. Do not answer the phone. Do not reply to texts. Do not anwer emails. Unfriend her from myspace, facebook, etc.

She is emotionally abusive and you deserve someone who treats you right.

Thanks JJ, there are 2 young children I got attached to emotionally as they got close to me, over the 3 yrs, I have and was there first stable father figure so to speak in there life since the break up of her and her Ex who is the father, but us having them every weekend really brought us closer together and them accepting me accepted me, it kills me every time she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)

TY

liz28 · Jun 7, 2009, 09:33 AM

Unless you like this back and forth game the two of you are playing with eachother--keep in contact with her.

However, if your fed up then stop talking to her.

The choice is yours.

none12345 · Jun 7, 2009, 09:39 AM

Do you work with her that's why you need to have at least some contact? If not no contact all the way and disappear from her life. The children are not your's so you don't have any obligations for them although, you can still be around just for them but don't get involved with the mother. Don't feel guilty, she dumped you and she has no right to expect anything from you anymore.

chuff · Jun 7, 2009, 09:44 AM

Originally Posted by L0stinLimb0

kills me everytime she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)

I know this sounds cruel, but they are not your concern. I think it's cool that you care about them, and I think it speaks volumes about the kind of man you are to accept two little ones that are not your own. But you didn't adopt them and agree to food and shelter them until they were 18. You dated their cheating, lying mother. She caused this pain to them and the absence you will bring. You can walk away proud that you gave something to those children that her mother is apparently not capable of giving.

jjwoodhull · Jun 7, 2009, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by L0stinLimb0

Thanks JJ, there are 2 young children I got attached to emotionally as they got close to me, over the 3 yrs, I have and was there first stable father figure so to speak in there life since the break up of her and her Ex who is the father, but us having them every weekend really brought us closer together and them accepting me accepted me, it kills me everytime she left, not sure what it does to those children (6 and 10)

TY

I know the kids make it hard - but it's not fair to them either. If you continue to come and go from their lives, you will do them a great disservice. They have a father, it is not you. For the sake of ALL involved, be strong in your decision.

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 7, 2009, 01:22 PM

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

I know the kids make it hard - but it's not fair to them either. If you continue to come and go from their lives, you will do them a great disservice. They have a father, it is not you. For the sake of ALL involved, be strong in your decision.

Thanks JJ I never saw it that way, n will continue on with NC. I won't even text her to say I'm letting go, as I once had planned, it will be hard but I think harder on me if I do, not to mention a possible ego boost for her if I did text her.

Ty LiL

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 7, 2009, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

I know this sounds cruel, but they are not your concern. I think it's cool that you care about them, and I think it speaks volumes about the kind of man you are to accept two little ones that are not your own. But you didn't adopt them and agree to food and shelter them until they were 18. You dated their cheating, lying mother. She caused this pain to them and the absence you will bring. You can walk away proud that you gave something to those children that her mother is apparently not capable of giving.

Thanks Chuff doesn't sound cruel, you just narrowed the facts for me.

Ty LiL

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 10, 2009, 09:30 PM

I have posted a few times and was told about the NC Rule, I did follow it for 2 weeks, and broke it, unfortunately, if you have read my posts you would see why, but however after reposting, regained the NC Rule

Today a friend of 20yrs came by, and told me that he had talk to my EX twice , he is engaged, (lots to risk, not thinking he is doing anything with her) He has disconnected ties with her because of what I will be explaining...

I found out from him tonight, that my Ex during the first 2 week period (Now Week 4) and me having NC with her for the first 2 weeks, that she had told him I said "He says you want to sleep with me" so once hearing this, from her he had only talked to her once since then and felt it wasn't right and disconnected all ties with her, as he didn't want anything to come between our friendship, anyway its now week 4 as mentioned, and back to NC, as I had broke it after the first 2 weeks (Regret it)

I so badly want to Text her and ask why she would say such a thing when I never said that at all, I figured it was said during my NC with her, to get a reaction from me and to message her, causing me to break the NC she's not use to by me, but its now 4 weeks after the fact, is it worth speaking of? Or shall I not even bother and continue NC? Keep in mind, this is her 3rd time she has left me, and I have always welcomed her back with open arms, be it texting her back all the time, good or bad...

TY

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 11, 2009, 07:59 AM

What upsets me even more was we had set an appointment for the counciller sometime ago, as posted recently,

What I haven't posted yet, was 2 days ago, (Sorry lot of Txtd Msg quotes here) she txtd me several times, "Good Nite", out of the blue, still NC, bumped into at work, she txtd and said "nice pants" (one she bought me) then txtd again saying "why am I so cold towards her" and "I am not reacting the way I usually do" (which is why I truly believe was said to my friend was to get me to react to her, as I was NC with her then, something she is not use too by me), then txtd saying "I wanna to tell you something important" (course she never did tell me), then txtd me back and said "its ok, I don't want to bother you", then another txtd saying "I really Miss You" another saying "do you even want me at this Councilling session with you?" and "Do you even want to work this out?" still not breaking the NC and her last one "Just know I miss you and I will see you there in a week"

As mentioned, I am not really expecting her to be there, but I am still 100% going for myself and because its been long waited, as the list is long, I feel as though its coming fast... but If she does show, should I bring that incident up? Between what was said to my friend?

This all just happening Monday night (have heard nothing from her since), this is why I am so confused and I realize maybe I shouldn't be.

talaniman · Jun 12, 2009, 10:04 AM

It's a confusing time I grant you that but its in your best interest to ignore here and keep No Contact, until she leaves you alone and you can get UNCONFUSED.

As a side note, stay with this thread and please don't just start another question. Thats really confusing to other readers here.

jjwoodhull · Jun 12, 2009, 12:57 PM

She said what she said to your friend because she knew it would get back to you and she thought she would get a reaction out of you. It is a game. Don't give her the satisfaction of reacting to her childish behavior.

I know it is difficult - especially working together - but keep ignoring her texts.

chuff · Jun 12, 2009, 09:38 PM

Oh man, you are working together. This is never fun. Having said that, you have to ignore, ignore, ignore. She's going to try and tempt you into her game. If she starts talking to you, say "that's awesome, I'll catch the rest of the story later" and get out of there. Always... ALWAYS smile and never let her think you are having a bad day even if you are and even if it is unrelated to her. Like what you described, she's proably going to start some rumors about you at work. If confronted with them, laugh them off and say, "I'd consider the source" and leave it that. In the example above, once you hear about it do not approach her with it, because that will tell her you are bothered by it. Be bigger then her game.

L0stinLimb0 · Jun 12, 2009, 10:41 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Oh man, you are working together. This is never fun. Having said that, you have to ignore, ignore, ignore. She's going to try and tempt you into her game. If she starts talking to you, say "that's awesome, I'll catch the rest of the story later" and get out of there. Always.....ALWAYS smile and never let her think you are having a bad day even if you are and even if it is unrelated to her. Like what you described, she's proably going to start some rumors about you at work. If confronted with them, laugh them off and say, "I'd consider the source" and leave it that. In the example above, once you hear about it do not approach her with it, because that will tell her you are bothered by it. Be bigger then her game.

Thanks everyone, I am glad I found this site and it's always been great advice, although at times very hard to follow but I have been doing my best and it's been great help towards what I have been able to follow.

Thanks All, I'm sure I will be having more questions, your Patience would so much be appreciated, as I know I can be a frustrating poster.

TY
LiL