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musicianguybrum · Jun 4, 2009, 05:39 PM

Im going to keep this short.

I suffered from depression from around September 06- June last year, thought I was over it, but I'm starting to get those wonderful "thoughts" again. I know the trigger. Whenever I like a girl, I get anxious, and think about every possible outcome, which leads to me thinking about ending everything. Before anyone says see a shrink, I can't afford it anymore, I spent about £2000 on thearpy, and just can't afford it. I don't trust people enough to talk to them about it, and I think I'm falling in love with this girl!

I hate this!

I wish I could remain heartless and emotionless about it all.

All I can think of right now is how she will let me down, and how I will react to it. All I am feeling now is self-pitty, embarrisment and general self hate!

FrootyGummiBear · Jun 5, 2009, 01:32 PM

Don't worry. If the girl likes you back, then great! If she doesn't, there are more girls out there. Wait to tell her how you feel when she gives signs of liking you back.

pipesmokingman · Jun 10, 2009, 10:50 PM

OK , girls? why do you like her , what's she got that all the others have not? is it just looks? Or does she have brains as well? is she down to earth? or one of the "clones" obsessed with how she looks , and how many friends she has? - in other words why do you fancy her and is she all you think?

is she the sort that will value YOU for who you are? And will you value her for who she is?

far too many relationships are based on wanting , yea we have ALL seen girls ( or guys - depends on your gender and /or tastes I suppose ) that we "fancy " - BUT , what you HAVE to find out is what is she like as a person? AND take a good look at yourself , what do YOU have to offer her and what does she have to offer you? - is it just materialistic things? do you want her for her looks ? Does she just want YOU for what you can give her , money , a nice car , etc etc?

there is more to a relationship than this , and believe me , materialistic things can destroy a relationship before it can get started , seen it many times

there is the "one" out there for every one , you may have to wait many years to find them , in the mean time summons up your courage , and just go tell this lady how you feel , if she reciprocates then fine , if she does not want to know , then you have had a knock back , suck it in and get on with life , its NOT the end of the world , the right lady may just be waiting round the corner for you , and believe me you WILL know when you find her

any ways good luck to you , hope it works out , go get your lady!

regards

pipesmokingman

musicianguybrum · Jun 11, 2009, 07:39 AM

Hey there, thanks for that pipesmokingman...

This is the first girl I've been with who likes and does what I do... music...

We get on really well, she has a good friends network, as do I, and she is close to her family... it is starting to fade out at the moment, but this is because it is deadline and exam period at her uni, I was the same with mine... So I suppose I have to be patient and stop being selfish...

I just hope this works, I'm having a "feeling" about this girl, that I have not had before...

sadiesmom · Jun 12, 2009, 06:16 AM

Hey sweetie... relax... chill... you are obsessing and you are getting into fear over your fears. Take some slow deep breaths. You need to get control over your thought life. You can do this! Start today. If you hear a negative thought DO NOT RECEIVE IT! Make up your mind today that you will only receive positive and uplifting information about yourself. If you made a mistake in the past... so what, get up and go on. No one is perfect and you don't have to be either. Just do the best you can. Allow yourself to be human. You really do need to talk to someone in person. You need a personal cheerleader to help you stay focused and positive and quit looking inward and learn to look outside of yourself. No one fares well when they give themselves too much scrutiny. Find someone else to focus on that is less fortunate than you. Do something nice for them but do not let them know you helped them. Open your eyes and look around you. To get your eyes off yourself you have to find something else to look at. Good luck to you. You are not alone and there are people who want to help you.

Jake2008 · Jun 12, 2009, 12:44 PM

I'm surprised that therapy didn't teach you that it isn't relationships that's the problem, it's how you perceive them, the neurosis in over- thinking and analyzing things that you have only imagined, that may or may not happen.

If you have a feeling that you cannot control, in this case, your fondness for a special girl, you must force yourself not to focus on what you have no control over, i.e. the millions of possibilities, good or bad. Especially the bad. You live out the scenereo of the relationship when you haven't even had a first date, and you'll end up depressed before you even get to her front door.

Your thinking is causing you to become anxious, despondent, and to the point of suicide. That spiralled thinking, when it starts, you must become skilled in overcoming it. To deny yourself the help you need in overcoming this is not, in my opinion, the best idea.

I get the impression that you are a university student. Please go and visit the health services, and speak to someone. Call your doctor, and discuss with him the possibility of treatment, and referral to a clinic that won't cost you an arm and a leg.

Depression, thoughts of suicide, and the other symptoms you have described need professional help. I sincerely hope you don't give up in getting help in coping with this.

musicianguybrum · Jun 12, 2009, 01:26 PM

I know what you mean Jake2008, but I don't need/want to be on medication any more, I've done a year without it, and it was hard enough getting off them...

I know I think things through, every possible angle in the relationship, and after I made love with this girl, I asked her how I did? What the hell is that about? This is why I'm always single, I say stupid things that make me sound like I'm a head case.

I know I should get help, last night I was driving home, all I was concentrating on was different ways I could kill myself, and bringing them to life in my head, imagining exact details. But then again, Ive only had the bottle to try properly once, every other time I have bottled out, so at least my cowadice stops me every time...

Jake2008 · Jun 12, 2009, 02:36 PM

Musicianguy, that you plan these events out in your head is what I'm talking about. You create, down to the finest detail, your own demise, because you are not thinking yet in a healthy way.

I worry that you have not had effective help as well. Therapists are a dime a dozen, sometimes you need a fresh face with new ideas. It would be wonderful if you tried again, but it is up to you.