[scortcho]

I've liked this girl for a long time, I want to ask her out but it's kind of a long shot. Also I've always been rather a romantic so of course I wrote a poem. I plan to send it to her this summer when I'll be in south korea. Is this a good idea or am I just thinking like a romance novel? What would you think if this happened to you? Below is the poem, I'm still working on it but I want to know what you think. Is it too cheesy? What's good? What's bad? That kind of thing.


I've lived my life not wanting much
But when I first saw you my heart was touched
You've changed my world, you've changed my life
I think of you and forget my strife
I see your smile, your eyes, your hair
When I see you I try not to stare
I can't explain how you make me feel
All I know is that it's real
And like a flame or a spark
I can feel it in my heart
Like a burning in my chest I feel the flame
I feel it when I hear your name
Thinking of us, when we're together
Thinking for now thinking forever
visions of you running through my head
During the day or when I'm lying in bed
I'm always thinking about you, even in my dreams
I can't get you off my mind it seams
Wishing to hold you in my arms
Protecting you from fears and harms
(probably going to add more)
While I'm wishing you were nearer
I'm seeing things clearer
For, only now that I'm so far away
Do I realize what I've been wanting to say
There's nothing that I'd rather do
Than live life and grow old with you
I'm giving you my heart to take
Preying that it doesn't break
And while I know you may love another
I'd always hoped we'd end up with each other
Or am I living in a fantasy
Were I love you and you love me
(I need a good way to end it that really puts the point across)

[Silver Lining]

Wow... its beautiful,, I loved the poem,, if I were not in love, I'd surely fall for it...

Well dear,, u wan a girl's opinion,, here I go,,
To start with, what kind of gal is she.. is she simple, caring and loving.. or spunky, tomboy.. or bubbly smiling talkative ? Or one with a lot of ego.. (if it's the last one, don give her the poem,, it'l b a waste of your efforts,, )

I think a poem is a beautiful idea,, not many men are romantic,, even if they are, they do not have the talent of writing such a beautiful poem,,

M sure the gal with melt with the poem,, but if you want to make it more special, make (or buy) a simple card, write your poem in there,, give her the card along with roses of all good colors,, let her know that you like her as a fren (Yellow), u think shez pure (white), u like her more than a fren (pink) n may be you love her too (red),, the colors may have a different meaning from where you are, but this is what I feel it means,, orange -u brighten my day, dark pink -confused by the way love and friendship, etc,,

Or send her a bunch of roses of your choice and mention its for those days you can't c her (cuz u'l b in N Korea :( )

Or be anonymous for a few days and send flowers, cards etc,, make her feel special,, then give yourself up with your poem,,

Remember, keep it simple,, if you start with something very very special, u'l b out of ideas for the next move,,

[scortcho]

Alight, cool. I'm glad you liked the poem, (I wrote it in biology one day when I was supposed to be working) yeah I was worried it'd be too cheesy.
Flowers are a good idea.

[Wondergirl]

The rhymes seem forced. Could you turn it into free verse?

[JustLaw]

I agree about the rhyming. It's a cool idea. I think that the best poetry doesn't rhyme... but everyone is different.

[snow124]

Yeah, the rhyming seems structured in a bad way. Just my opinion - good of you to write it though! I'm sure she'll like it.

[Syzygy]

Yes, the rhyming is awkward. I personally think free verse poems don't sound much like a poem but rather a paragraph.

If you want to keep the rhyming scheme, you're going to have to stick to one flow and not jump around with your thoughts. This is what's making it awkward.

[scortcho]

All right cool, I agree that it's a bit rough to read but I've got time to get it right.