[spikerbiker]

I have lived in my house for 14 years, quietly with my husband, no kids.
About 5 years ago a new neighbor moved in. We tried to be nice at first, but then heard them talking about us, so we kept our distance. Now the teenage girl is accusing me of watching her through my windows, and of being gay. She is very loud about this and has told other neighbors and kids up and down the neighborhood. Talking to the parents doesn't do any good - apparently they believe everything their little darling says. I consider this slander and defamation of character, but not sure what I can do about it. I believe they have consulted an attorney and want to bring me up on charges,even though I haven't done a damn thing.
AAGHH , they are driving me nuts. Any suggestions?
Spikerbiker

[CaptainForest]

You have only 1 legal recourse if she continues this and they won't stop.

Sue them, bother the daughter and her parents.

(or of course you can start spreading nasty rumours about the daughter, but don't go down that road).

[ScottGem]

You have a problem here. Have you ever been noticed looking out your windows when the daughter was around? If anyone can testify to that (besides any member of that family) you could have trouble. The charge that you are gay, though is another matter.

I'm curious as to what your other neighbors think of this attack on you. Have you spoken with them? If there have been other teenage girls who have grown up on the block and there has been no other history, no prosecutor is going to take on the case.

I would take the tact, that you have no idea why this family has taken a dislike to you and that their charges are so laughable that they don't need response. If the other neighbors don't believe them, then they are the ones who are losing. But I would also consult an attorney, if they do get someone to listen to their charges, then you will need to counter sue them. The problem with a slander suit is that you need to show how the statements have damaged you.

[spikerbiker]

Thank you two for your responses.Part of the problem is that our houses are very close - a driveway apart. This situation is making me feel so paranoid that I now find myself keeping all the blinds on that side of the house closed, 99 percent of the time. What are windows for if you can't look out of them once in awhile and let the sunshine in. This is affecting my quality of life. I have only spoken to one other neighbor across the street and she is on my side. She says that "they need to get a life". I think that I will consult an attorney to get all legal aspects down.

[ScottGem]

Is there room for a fence? One of the advantages of blinds is that you can angle them to allow the sun in but block any view.

I would enlist the aid of that neighbor, to find out who else this family has been talking to and what other neighbors think. You really need to get a handle on the scope of this.

You might consider filing an harassment complaint with the local law enforcement. Just to get it on record before they do.

[spikerbiker]

Thanks for your insightful responses Scott - I am wondering what type of attorney I would look for?

[ScottGem]

Most general attorneys would be able to handle this. Otherwise look for one familiar with slander or libel cases.

[spikerbiker]

Thanks again, it is good to hear other people's response.
My husband is sick and tired of hearing me talk about it.In fact, it has started to cause marital problems, stress and lack of sleep.
I am glad that I found this website!

[LUNAGODDESS]

I have lived in my house for 14 years, quietly with my husband, no kids.
About 5 years ago a new neighbor moved in. We tried to be nice at first, but then heard them talking about us, so we kept our distance. Now the teenage girl is accusing me of watching her through my windows, and of being gay. She is very loud about this and has told other neighbors and kids up and down the neighborhood. Talking to the parents doesn't do any good - apparently they believe everything their little darling says. I consider this slander and defamation of character, but not sure what I can do about it. I believe they have consulted an attorney and want to bring me up on charges,even though I haven't done a damn thing.
AAGHH , they are driving me nuts. Any suggestions?
Spikerbiker

There is a problem here... the young lady has accused you of being homosexual and watching her through your windows... the problem homosexuals are not interested in women... so the window watching incident makes not sense... Question are you gay? If, not that statement is slanderous /challenges your character... if other neighbors believe this reck attack on your person... then filed a suit and order a subpoena or a few to being your neighbors to court that believe this lie... make the amount worth their (the neighbors)attention... the child is looking for attention and will get it any means necessary... even when it means hurting others. Do tell the family to clean up their house by filing a suit.. this needs to stop... for when a situation comes about that needs the neighbors attention... the event will be overlooked...

[ScottGem]

The problem with filing a slander suit is you have to show you have been materially harmed. Just having someone spread lies about you does not qualify. You can't just name a sum and sue. It has to be shown that you lost or might have lost that sum.

[LUNAGODDESS]

Scott Gem that is true... but ,if, a neighbor opinion of you has changed because of what they have heard from someone else... then a development into defamation has happen...

SLANDER - A false defamation (expressed in spoken words, signs, or gestures) which injures the character or reputation of the person defamed;
www.lectlaw.com

Defamation of character "is the result of an attack on the reputation of a person or organization; it
includes attacks on a person's honesty, integrity, or virtue which result in public contempt, ridicule ,
or financial injury"(HFAC, p.1). This attack can come in two forms, either libel or slander. Libel is
the attack in the written form, and slander is an attack in the verbal form. This is important because
an attack on a person's character or reputation can be harmful because it can ruin them in the eyes
of the public, especially a publicly elected official. In fact the requirement of proof regarding a private
person and a public elected official are different. "Private persons are not in the public eye and do
not have direct access to media. These people do not need to prove actual malice in a libel
case"(HFAC, p.2). A public figure is someone that receives ample media attention or is well-known
in a specific areas. Thus, according to past precedent, public figures are expected to prove actual
malice to win a libel case. Actual malice is defined as "the act of publishing or broadcasting
statements with prior knowledge of the inaccuracy of the statement or reckless disregard for the truth"(HFAC, p.1). www.bsos.umd.edu/gvpt/gvpt339/libel.htm

Considering this heightened fascination with sex and sexual scandals, especially in involving idealized
public figures, we must analyze the repercussions of these and determine the cost to society. Then
we can consider the value of such speech balanced with the cost. "Sex scandals in the twentieth
century have tended to be more destructive. Articles and books concerning the extramarital affairs of
presidents such as Franklin Roosevelt, John Kennedy, or Lyndon Johnson, may not have altered
their historical contributions, however, the scandals have hurt innocent people, particularly the
families left behind. Perhaps, once a person dies, history tends to judge the deceased on their merits.
There is little currency in gossip about dead people. But allegations of sexual trysts have morally
wounded others"(Smolla, p.236). There is a case about an Pentecostal evangelist named Aimee
Semple McPherson, who was thought of as a beautiful and flamboyant person, who was preaching
in a $1.5 million dollar church. She had mysteriously disappeared for twenty-six days. When she
reappeared, she made up a story that she was kidnapped. "It was later discovered that she had spent
the time with her lover, who was a married man. She died at the young age of fifty-three from an
overdose of barbiturates"(Smolla, p.236). Since she was a public figure she probably felt shunned by
society, so she felt forced to replace the truth with this excuse. This affair should have been private,
between her, her lover, and the man's wife. People should not let a person's private life influence the
way they feel about them as a professional. The high volume and intensity of the publicity that her
private life received from the media destroyed her career and was probably responsible for her
death. Unfortunately, there are many examples similar to this one. The train does not stop here. It
continues to affect us in all aspects of life and the world.
www.bsos.umd.edu/gvpt/gvpt339/libel.htm[/I][/I][/U]

[spikerbiker]

I am not gay. I have been involved with exercise most of my life, so I have heard this comment before, as if all women who enjoy exercising must be gay! My husband and I enjoy a very healthy sex life (we have been together over 23 years). I don't know how I could show being "materially harmed" unless I started going to therapy. I already filed a harassment report at the local police department. That really pissed off the neighbors.

[CaptainForest]

I don't believe anyone here is saying that you are gay…

Hehehe…a harassment report with the police that pissed off the neighbours, good job!

If you do go to therapy over that, you then have an actual expense related to these lies that you can sue for!

Talk with a lawyer, he will probably have some ideas on how your life had suffered.

[spikerbiker]

Dear Captain Forest, Scottgem and Lunagodess,
This was my first posting to this forum and I really appreciate your input.
Really, I can't thank you enough. Hope your lives are going smoothly. To health and happiness.

[andrewcocke]

If I were you, I'd just simply rise above this.

First of all, what ever you watch out of your own window is YOUR Business.

If they have a problem with that, let them be the one to invest in shades for their windows.

Now Im not advocating voyeur actions, but lets face it, if this got out of hand, simply walking outside to check your mail could result in someone getting upset because "you stepped outside to peep". Checking to see if the sun is out in the morning turns into another peeping tom accusation.

Personally, my bathroom windows sits on a big hill looking over at least a hundred homes, any one of them could be staring at me. That's why I make good practice to draw the shades before using the restroom.

As far as the gay remarks. That's just plain childish. Whether you are or not is no business of theirs.

Again, my best advice would be not to stoop down to their level, don't worry about what other neighbors say or think. Don't worry about the gossip line, you know what you are, everything else is just speculation.
I don't envy your situation, sounds like to me you are surrounded by morons.

Suddenly my neighborhood doesn't seem so bad.

[talaniman]

The best way to handle neighbors from hell is to ignore them until they do something illegal or dangerous. You have given them power over you by letting them upset you. Your husband is already PO'd so stop worrying about them period. As for the daughter... Tell her to go to... and get a life. Who cares what they say and since your better known who's listening.

[spikerbiker]

Thank you for your responses.

I guess my big fear is that people tend to believe children when it comes to sex issues.
The news is filled with Mark Foley and Catholic Priest cases. I hope that one day the parents will realize that this kid is crying wolf (for attention, numerous family issues) but when a big bad wolf does come around, no one is going to believe her.

I would like to rise above the situation, but it is often difficult to ignore the neighbors, when we can hear them talking about us. Apparently the girl is getting a lot of flack at school because of her talking... the kids are teasing her now - as the saying goes what goes around comes around.

I am hoping that the whole thing will just fade away, but I can see a big confrontation happening with the parental units. Personally I feel that they are really at fault, for not raising her right in the first place and then not handling the situation when it first started.

[spikerbiker]

The best way to handle neighbors from hell is to ignore them until they do something illegal or dangerous. You have given them power over you by letting them upset you. Your husband is already PO'd so stop worrying about them period. As for the daughter..............Tell her to go to..............and get a life. Who cares what they say and since your better known who's listening.

Latest news on the neighbors from hell - I now believe that somehow they are listening to my phone calls. I was talking to my mom and "she said did you hear that?" and I said what? She said "somebody just said hello and used your name" - OK, this is freaking me out. We have noticed lots of pops, crackles and echoes, but just thought it was the phone line. How can you figure out if someone is illeagally listening to your conversations? It has been 3 months since this crap started and they still talk about us everyday - the houses are that close that we can hear them. I would love to move, but it is difficult to sell a house in this slow economy. HELP!

[valinors_sorrow]

I have had a neighbor from hell too. Shooting guns in the air during hurricanes, backyard "bon fire" at the height of a drought set the woods we live in on fire and a loose dog repeatedly threatening me in my own yard. I can only reinterate the sentiments of the others that say call the appropriate enforcement agnecy if and when they do something illegal and ignore the rest. If you don't ignore it, they win.

If you prevail long enough, something may happen as these types tend to bring it on themselves. I recently learned my bad neighbor's wife (with kids and dog, thankfully) left him and we believe its only a matter of time before he loses the house since she was the bigger breadwinner. As a result of his actions, my cell phone now holds the personal cell number to the top fire official in my county, the animal control director and the sheriff who visited him about vicarious firearm discharges but my patience has been tested along the way too. Not to minimise your situation but I would relish being called gay at this point. Just a little perspective to perhaps frame it a little differently for you. Maybe its time to hire a private detective -- a move we almost took before we got the news about his divorce. They are cheaper than an attorney and may turn up something you can use. It's a free country after all and as law abiding citizens, we had nothing to hide (in case he did likewise).

[ScottGem]

Latest news on the neighbors from hell - I now believe that somehow they are listening to my phone calls. I was talking to my mom and "she said did you hear that?" and I said what? She said "somebody just said hello and used your name" - ok, this is freaking me out. We have noticed lots of pops, crackles and echoes, but just thought it was the phone line. How can you figure out if someone is illeagally listening to your conversations? It has been 3 months since this crap started and they still talk about us everyday - the houses are that close that we can hear them. I would love to move, but it is difficult to sell a house in this slow economy. HELP ! ! ! !

Do you have a cordless phone? If so, its not hard to get a scanner that might be able to eavesdrop on the line. If not, call your telephone company and tell them about the interference (do not tell them you think someone is listening in) and ask them to check the line.