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lencheski · Jun 1, 2009, 05:27 PM

She is the one who says she is behaving like a giddy school girl. I suggested that she use her head..

I need to clarify, I never said I was behaving like a giddy school girl... I said I was thinking like a giddy school girl.

I am behaving professionally...

... and so is he...

No one has done anything that we could lose our jobs over. And when I said he could be getting a kick out of the flirtatious back and forth. I meant that his ego was being flattered, mine too. SO do I think that he is getting some sort of male EGO boost, I didn't think it was negative.

I am in a crux, a dilemma, due to how I feel. I am asking for advice, I'll take all advice. Not just what someone thinks I want to hear.

I would never do anything that would jeapordize or risk, my ethical code or standards.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 1, 2009, 07:46 PM

I was not criticizing you I did not say you were behaving unprofessionally.
I'm on your side girl friend. I just want you to be careful. Don't allow him to toy with you. Wait until your daughter is out of that school and then go for it if you want to.

talaniman · Jun 1, 2009, 08:37 PM

Stop flirting, and be serious responsible adults who can discuss and deal with sensitive, important issues, and don't have to presume, and assume, like immature kids.

lencheski · Jun 1, 2009, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I was not criticizing you I did not say you were be having unprofessionally.
I'm on your side girl friend. I just want you to be careful. Don't allow him to toy with you. Wait until your daughter is out of that school and then go for it if you want to.

OH, I didn't think you were criticizing me at all, I just wanted to clarify, so that anyone reading the posts, didn't think I was rolling around local jr. highs strolling for guidance counselors... JK

I'm glad your on my side, and I am glad that you are giving good advice, as to making sure that I am using my head and staying firm in reality instead of floating around in fantasy land thinking about this guy.

Well, I will say this, I would definitely wait till she is done with school.

I would like to go for it, I am afraid of rejection mostly... I have never been in this situation before and need advice on how to proceed.

Please keep you insight and thoughts coming... the more open discussion regarding this will help.

lencheski · Jun 1, 2009, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop flirting, and be serious responsible adults who can discuss and deal with sensitive, important issues, and don't have to presume, and assume, like immature kids.

Wow, tell me how you really feel about what is going on here... I wouldn't want you to hold back or anything...

We can and have discussed things as responsible adults. We're people too, not just our careers. We are and have been able to be completely professional, and work together. We talk as adults, were not children... flirting is a natural response to chemical reactions in the body- flirting or non verbal signals of attraction happen.

We are friendly colleagues... who have gone back and forth about a great many topics. I would like to get to know him better...

I don't think I asked to be berated, I thought I asked for constructive advise...

jannolovely · Jun 1, 2009, 09:02 PM

He just might be married and trying to see if he still had it or waiting for that right monment to ask u out who knows but time will tell.:)

lencheski · Jun 1, 2009, 09:15 PM

Originally Posted by jannolovely

He just might be married and trying to see if he still had it or waiting for that right monment to ask u out who knows but time will tell.:)

He's not married, he's divorced. We have had the discussion numerous times...

I'm wondering/hoping that you are right about waiting for the right time.. like when my daughter leaves the jr high and goes to the high school.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 07:11 AM

Wow, tell me how you really feel about what is going on here... I wouldn't want you to hold back or anything...

Merely pointing out that at some point the conversation has to be about what you would like top do, and not just flirting. How else would you avoid assuming , and presuming, and get the facts necessary for a reasonable decision, or direction?

Flirting is a natural response to chemical reactions in the body- flirting or non verbal signals of attraction happen.

Yeah its fun, I get that, but it can also send out mixed signals, and needs to be clarified in order that serious inquiry can occur.

You'll never know how he feels or what can be done without finding out directly.

It may have to be kept at a very discreet level, given the involvement of your daughter, and your workplace, but the subject, for clarity sake, can be broached very easily, especially as you say, since you discuss a wide variety of subjects.

He may feel as you do, he may not. You'll never know unless you ask.

Don't be so sensitive, I was not berating you, just soliciting facts you haven't revealed. From what you wrote you shuffle papers all day, and flirt with some dude in your office.

lencheski · Jun 2, 2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Merely pointing out that at some point the conversation has to be about what you would like top do, and not just flirting. How else would you avoid assuming , and presuming, and get the facts necessary for a reasonable decision, or direction?

Yeah its fun, I get that, but it can also send out mixed signals, and needs to be clarified in order that serious inquiry can occur.

You'll never know how he feels or what can be done without finding out directly.

It may have to be kept at a very discreet level, given the involvement of your daughter, and your workplace, but the subject, for clarity sake, can be broached very easily, especially as you say, since you discuss a wide variety of subjects.

He may feel as you do, he may not. You'll never know unless you ask.

Don't be so sensitive, I was not berating you, just soliciting facts you haven't revealed. From what you wrote you shuffle papers all day, and flirt with some dude in your office.

He is not in my office, I work for a social agency and am also a counselor. I work as a psychiatric social worker... but am getting ready to take my LPC.

He is a counselor in one of many schools that I am in.

I must have misread your communication or thought I had been more clear about what I do. I am fearful of rejection as I have never been in this position before. I don't know how you guys do it...

tickle · Jun 2, 2009, 09:42 AM

Lencheski, 1772093.
. I am fearful of rejection as I have never been in this position before. I don't know how you guys do it...

Its sort of like rolling off a log but once you get the first time under your belt (the fear of rejection) it will never happen to you again. Just go for it, if that is what you desire.

ms. tick

Homegirl 50 · Jun 2, 2009, 09:43 AM

Don't let your fear of rejection allow you to fall for anyone who pays a bit of attention to you. There are those who will flirt with you just for the fun of it.
When your daughter is no longer there, you will know what is really on this guys mind. In the meantime don't take it too seriously.
I wish you well.

lencheski · Jun 2, 2009, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

Its sort of like rolling off a log but once you get the first time under your belt (the fear of rejection) it will never happen to you again. Just go for it, if that is what you desire.

ms. tick

Any thoughts on how to approach...

SailorMark · Jun 2, 2009, 10:01 AM

Sounds like you have a lot in common. You have a similar background. You are apparently attracted to each other. What if he doesn't have this social network (askmehelpdesk.com) and he is just as interested and hesitant as you? Nothing is going to happen unless one of you makes a move. Teachers date and get married. People in your position get married to people in his position. As long as there are no ethical rules preventing it, I think you should send him a nice card with a little note stating that you have found him interesting and that since you don't really have an opportunity to socialize with him often through work that you'd like to have him over for dinner.

Like I said before, both of you have a right to seek happiness (even says so in the Declaration of Independance).

lencheski · Jun 2, 2009, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by SailorMark

Sounds like you have a lot in common. You have a similar background. You are apparently attracted to each other. What if he doesn't have this social network (askmehelpdesk.com) and he is just as interested and hesitant as you? Nothing is going to happen unless one of you makes a move. Teachers date and get married. People in your position get married to people in his position. As long as there are no ethical rules preventing it, I think you should send him a nice card with a little note stating that you have found him interesting and that since you don't really have an opportunity to socialize with him often through work that you'd like to have him over for dinner.

Like I said before, both of you have a right to seek happiness (even says so in the Declaration of Independance).

If he has the social network askmehelpdesk.com I might be mortified if he saw this...

But I might try your suggestion, although, don't you think it's easier to gauge his reaction if done in person? Any thoughts...

SailorMark · Jun 2, 2009, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by lencheski

if he has the social network askmehelpdesk.com I might be mortified if he saw this....

but I might try your suggestion, although, don't you think it's easier to gauge his reaction if done in person? any thoughts....

Then by all means hand him the card and watch his reaction. This way you won't have to spend agonizing hours waiting to hear back from him and can ask what he likes to eat before you have to cook it!

lencheski · Jun 2, 2009, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by SailorMark

Then by all means hand him the card and watch his reaction. This way you wont have to spend agonizing hours waiting to hear back from him and can ask what he likes to eat before you have to cook it!

Good idea...

Have you ever asked a guy out before?

I'm nervous and well, I can see why men fear rejection... note to self, if not interested in guy... let them down nicely.

This is hell...

SailorMark · Jun 2, 2009, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by lencheski

good idea....

have you ever asked a guy out before?

I'm nervous and well, I can see why men fear rejection...note to self, if not interested in guy ....let them down nicely.

this is hell...

Um... I have to admit that I have never asked out a guy before, but I have asked women out. It was my wife who initiated our relationship and asked me out to dinner.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2009, 11:24 AM

Thanks for your feedback, it does add a lot of information to the mix.

It would be unethical of him to pursue a relationship with me while she is still his student.

For the time being this is a good concern, but simply asking him if its possible to have coffee when this is no longer an issue, would clear the air significantly, and give you a bit of insights as to what direction you can move in. A casual simple approach, that can yield many facts.

I'm nervous and well, I can see why men fear rejection... note to self, if not interested in guy... let them down nicely.

I tell young guys all the time to overcome their fear, or wonder forever about missed options, and opportunities. Its always a risk, when you explore unknown territory!

lencheski · Jun 2, 2009, 01:57 PM

OK what do you tell young girls... of say around the age of 35+, who've not ever had to be on the other end...

WHAT do MEN think of WOMEN that ask them out? I have always been very strong and independent, but with my career and with my education,I haven't been so lucky in Love or matters of the heart personally... so as a women, I am finding that I am in uncharted territory

Homegirl 50 · Jun 2, 2009, 02:11 PM

I say take the simple approach. Ask him if he would like to meet for coffee. You drive and meet him there, heck pay for his coffee. He either will or he won't. If he says yes, look at it as an informal "getting to know you" Nothing more than that. Don't expect anything but that. You should know whether you two click on any other level , other than just flirting.