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Crybaby9112001 · Oct 4, 2006, 11:46 PM

My niece is 8 and she has been doing a lot of weird things that my sister does not know how to handle... so I thought maybe you guys can help us out a little.
First of all my sister is not with the father... my niece stays with her mom on the weekday and then with her dad on the weekend. Well on one of the past weekends my niece told her dad that someone had touched her, the dad told my sister and they kind of got into an argument about other things to... well my sister went in the car and was really angry with my niece and screamed asking her what had happened... My niece told her that my sisters boyfriend brother ( who is 14 ) had touched her near her leg... she didn't say much about it just that that had happened. The thing is my niece said a couple of years ago that her uncle on her dads side use to touch her in the closet. My sister didn't want to make it a big deal so she just told the dad about what happened and told him to watch her carfully. Also last chrismas my sister boyfriend found a letter that my niece had written say things like " I love my mommy very much....My mommy kisses me and has sex with me and we have a lot of fun and say oh la la""" and so on and so on... it had some grafic things on it. Well the minute my sister brought it to my niece to talk about it my niece saw the paper and just started crying... we don't know what to think about it... is this normal, is this just a stage, did something really happen to her?? Please help us

J_9 · Oct 5, 2006, 05:51 AM

No, this is not normal. Your niece is exhibiting attention seeking behavior. The poor thing lives in a broken home. Children want attention, they don't care if it is good attention or bad attention.

So what she is doing is creating bad attention so that at least someone will pay attention to her. She may be hoping that if she creates a HUGE problem such as this that it might get Mommy and Daddy back together.

Your sister needs to get your niece into some counseling to find out why she is exhibiting this behavior. It needs to stop before she tells these lies to the wrong person and is taken away from her family and put into the foster system.

Good luck

s_cianci · Oct 5, 2006, 05:31 PM

Yes, it sounds like something happened to her. Urge your sister to investigate and get counseling for your niece now.

beautifuldiva · Oct 5, 2006, 06:06 PM

I agree with s_cianci... It cannot be assumed that she is lying! And the idea that it might be an attempt to reunite her mom and dad doesn't add up. Counseling is indeed the best for the child.

J_9 · Oct 5, 2006, 07:34 PM

S_Cianci...

I never thought that the child WAS lying on purpose. However, counseling will bring that out.

It could be that something did or did not happen, but counseling is a must in this situation. Also please note that I said "exhibiting" I did not say that it was definite.

This is not uncommon in attention-seeking behavior. It is possible but look at what was posted and the different people accused. Because she accused at least 2 different people on 2 different sides of the family it can be assumed that this is attention seeking behavior. Notice that I said assumed, not proven.

In the true psychological sense attention seeking behavior is when a child may have been touched, like on the leg in this instance, and takes it to a whole new level. This in turn becomes a fact, a reality if you will, to a child. So in fact, the child is NOT lying, this has become a reality in the mind of the child. It is not a lie, but rather a misconception.

Please read the post again and notice that this happened between 2 totally different individuals at different intervals. So please don't quote me as saying she was lying. I don't believe I ever said that in my post.

***Edit**** After re-reading my post I did use the word lying. However, I do not believe it is in the sense of the word that us adults would lie. I believe that this is something the child does believe, but may not have actually heppened in such a serious manner.

beautifuldiva · Oct 5, 2006, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

It needs to stop before she tells these lies to the wrong person and is taken away from her family and put into the foster system.

Ummm..?

Crybaby9112001 · Oct 5, 2006, 10:44 PM

I know where you are comeing from J9 and the rest of you... that is why I posted this because this is such a complicated situation. My sister is waiting for the therapist to get in touch with her but my sister is so confused right now. We are not sure if we should make this a big deal to our family and let it be know or if we should keep it quite. My niece told my sister what happened about a year ago but just recently she told her dad and that is what made this whole thing explode. My sister is finally putting 2 and 2 together and is connecting the dots but now it is such a scary thing that we just don't know how to handle it. Is my niece bringing this up now because she feels like my sister did nother or is she doing it for attention. She said that her uncle touched her in the closet with a mask on but she said when she was 5 but now she is 8 and it is more of an intensense situation because of the letter and because she lives with about three men now. So we are just suck in what we should be doing and how to deal with it

J_9 · Oct 6, 2006, 03:24 AM

Okay, I digress, I did use the word "lying." However, when it is in a scenario such as this it may be more of a fabrication or an exaggeration that has become a reality in the child's life.

Now, does your sister live with 3 men? Or does your niece? Or both? IF the niece lives with 3 men I would do my best to get the men out of the home.

This may or may not be attention seeking behavior, however, this is a very common accusation in attention seeking behavior.

Your sister needs to get in touch with the therapist again. She should not wait for him/her to get back in touch. Your sister needs to "light a fire" under the therapist. As I stated above your niece needs to get into some counseling before this snowballs any further.

The WB · Oct 6, 2006, 10:40 AM

Think of how you are approching the child. Are you coming to her in a confrontational or angry manner? If so, try to talk to her in a calm or playful manner. She may loosen up and tell you the truth or tell you more about what happened. But, if she thinks she's in trouble, she may not talk about it.

The WB · Oct 6, 2006, 10:44 AM

Try to have a grandparent or someone who is not directly connected to the situation talk to her.