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juice_88 · May 28, 2009, 05:32 PM

About two months ago I looked at our phone bill and seen that my wife has been texting and receiving text from another man. One month the number of text was over 2000. I asked her to stop, she said she will. I found out in fact they didn't stop and he was telling her he loved her along with calling her babe, cutie and other things that piss me off. I confronted her on that. Last months bill came and I see they still text each other about 300 times, what do I do.

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 05:59 PM

I think it's a little too early to think of leaving her or divorce and stuff. I guess you have to keep talking to her, talk things out and find out why she is talking to this guy so much, who he is and what's the reason she won't stop talking to him when you asked her too.

You'd never know, it may be something you are not doing right in this relationship that is pushing her to talk to this other man.

Communication is the key. Best of luck

faithxhope123 · May 28, 2009, 06:00 PM

I'm sorry to hear that... dude she isn't being faithful... y be with someone who isn't dedicated to u? How long have u guys been dating?

jmjoseph · May 28, 2009, 06:00 PM

Are there children involved? If so, it's tough to break up a family. If not, then throw her clothes out in the yard and change the locks on your house. Chances are that she's having sex with this man and that's something that's going to eat at your very soul like a cancer. Every time she's late or somewhere you're not sure about, you'll wonder. Life is too short to live that way. She has broken your wedding vows and GOD's commandment. 2000 messages? Sounds as if she's reverted back to her teen years. It's tough to deal with a situation like this, and I feel for you guy. GOD bless you buddy.

sabrewolfe · May 28, 2009, 06:01 PM

Leave her, she is cheating on you. She is not worth it.

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:03 PM

Come on people, lets not jump to conclusions. We don't know what is going on. The best thing the couple should do is sit down and talk things out and see what's going on. Just don't end it without getting all the facts straight.

zippit · May 28, 2009, 06:05 PM

No guy is going to call another woman babe that he hasn't slept with I'm not telling you to leave her but I'm telling you that with the evidence you have in these texts if they're acurate she's already cheated on you

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by zippit

no guy is going to call another woman babe that he hasnt slept with im not telling you to leave her but im telling you that with the evidence you have in these texts if theyre acurate shes already cheated on you

Maybe the other man thinks he is in love with her? Maybe they have never met, which might explain 2000 text messages in a month. Maybe that's all their relationship is, over the phone, but that would count as emotional cheating I guess. Still, talk about it to get the truth

zippit · May 28, 2009, 06:13 PM

Maybe isn't worth getting your heart broke and worse catching a disease.2000 texts to another man is enough red flag for me

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:15 PM

Hmmm I do agree with that, it is a huge red flag, but they are a married couple. They should try to work things out at least I guess.

jmjoseph · May 28, 2009, 06:19 PM

Let's not jump to conclusions? Come on dude. 2000 texts? Pet names? This guy is being cheated on. Plain and simple.

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:22 PM

Hmmm I guess I'm just talking from a personal point of view, and I don't want to condemn a person before I know everything.

I know lots of friends, guys and girls who call their friends "babe" or "hun" and stuff... there is nothing going on between them, they are just friends, but they do have pet names, private jokes, and do call and text each other a lot, but that's all they are, friend.

It might not be the case here, but I'm just saying, it is a possibility.

zippit · May 28, 2009, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by BlackVY

Hmmm I guess I'm just talking from a personal point of view, and I don't want to condemn a person before I know everything.

I know lots of friends, guys and girls who call their friends "babe" or "hun" and stuff... there is nothing going on between them, they are just friends, but they do have pet names, private jokes, and do call and text each other alot, but thats all they are, friend.

It might not be the case here, but I'm just saying, it is a possibility.

I think the husband would know the difference I always say follow you'r heart and it sounds like his is telling him there's a proublem.What about the 300 after he asked her to knock it off?

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by zippit

i think the husband would know the difference i always say follow you'r heart and it sounds like his is telling him theres a proublem.What about the 300 after he asked her to knock it off?

I do agree to go with your gut, its usually right, but sometimes a person only sees the bad, or sees what they want to see and therefore jumps to conclusions. It's a possibility, but I'm just saying...

Yeah the 300 after being told to stop is not good at all... Well, it is a reduction from 2000, and she knows her husband is checking her phone bills, so she is not trying to hide it I guess. Maybe she is trying to let that other guy down nicely? I don't know, just trying to give other possible scenarios...

zippit · May 28, 2009, 06:33 PM

I know marriage is sacred,and I'm not saying he should leave her he has to answer that I'm saying she"s cheating..I know what i would do "leave on the first thing smoking"

jmjoseph · May 28, 2009, 06:33 PM

B-vy, would you put up with this sort of thing with your spouse/girlfriend? That's not the sort of thing that married people should do. I wouldn't put up with it from even a cousin. This guy's made it clear that he doesn't like this behavior, and she's still doing it. 2000 texts in a month calculates to one every 15 minutes of awake time. What in the world would she be saying to this person? It has to be an infatuation. This poor guy needs to move on. Sure counseling would be suggested, but she's already slapped him in the face. I say get evidence against her and get a lawyer.

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by zippit

i know marriage is sacred,and im not saying he should leave her he has to answer that im saying she"s cheating..I know what i would do "leave on the first thing smoking"

Understandable, but personally, I would talk to my wife and ask her what's going on, why she is texting this other guy and refuses to stop for good.

If she tells me its just for fun and its harmless flirting, then I won't be happy and would consider leaving.

If she tells me she doesn't feel loved or appreciated by me, which makes her want another man, then I will try to make her feel better, and show her move love, but if it still doesn't stop, then I will go.

I would try to fix things and reconcile things as much as possible. Personally, the only way I'd leave straight away is if she was outright cheating because she didn't love me anymore and she didn't want to be with me.

BlackVY · May 28, 2009, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

B-vy, would you put up with this sort of thing with your spouse/girlfriend? That's not the sort of thing that married people should do. I wouldn't put up with it from even a cousin. This guy's made it clear that he doesn't like this behavior, and she's still doing it. 2000 texts in a month calculates to one every 15 minutes of awake time. What in the world would she be saying to this person? It has to be an infatuation. This poor guy needs to move on. Sure counseling would be suggested, but she's already slapped him in the face. I say get evidence against her and get a lawyer.

You are right, I wouldn't put up with it either, but I'd find out why she is doing it. If there is no real reason other than she is bored with me, then we got a problem.

Yeah 200 messages a month is insane. Maybe this guy is showing her attention that her husband is not. She is not right seeking it elsewhere either, but they are married and they could work on it as a couple, but if she is not willing to work on their marriage, then yeah, find a lawyer and leave.

It does seem like she is slowing down her contact with this guy, from 2000 to 300, but that's still 10 messages a day on average. Not good.

I still recommend talking to her and getting her to be honest with you before making a move

Jake2008 · May 28, 2009, 06:46 PM

Ivy, I agree with you.

Who's to say that him finding the text messages didn't put a stop to a 'relationship' that could have gone further.

And, if it has turned into an affair, is that alone reason to end a relationship?

I would be careful not to presume it's the best route to go by throwing the baby out with the bathwater here.

If that is all he knows, then he's missing a lot of information on which to make such a drastic decision. For example, what can he say to the quality of his relationship that he can bring to the table.

I do not condone her behaviour, but we have no idea what shape the relationship was/is in, nor do we know that this just won't be the catalyst to finally getting help to solve the problems within it. It may be enough that he cares enough to find out what's going on and why, and the two of them can mend the relationship.

I have a hard time believing that both of them weren't having some problems long before the text messaging started.

jmjoseph · May 28, 2009, 06:47 PM

Yeah, I don't talk to my WIFE 10 times a day, maybe I should to prevent me from writing a similar question. I would like to think that she would come to me first, before something like this happens. Yes, maybe this guy has been neglectful, and we don't have both sides, but there are indeed married. And this sort of behavior is against the rules. I just hope they don't have kids in the middle of this.