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pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 12:56 PM

Why do some women only want to have sex when they are drunk? If this is the only time a woman wants to have sex with you when she is in this condition, is this a good sign that your relationship is over?

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2006, 12:59 PM

Alcohol reduces inhibitions. If a women only weants to have sex while drunk, its not a relationship I would want to continue.

Depressed in MO · Oct 4, 2006, 01:34 PM

Alcohol is an intensifier of whatever mood you are in. I wouldn't say that this means the relationship is over, I would just say it is time to try new things as maybe this woman is bored. Not that this justifies her actions, but if you would like her to be pleased sober-try something different other than the regular routine.
This is just a suggestion-I don't know if this is just a general question, or if you are currently in a relationship in which this is happening, so I could be WAY off. If it IS a relationship thing, by no means is it your fault. There is definitely something psychologically wrong here, especially if she has to be drunk EVERY Single time you do it. But being a woman, and have definitely been in "the mood" while being intoxicated a time or two, I feel that I can safely share my opinion.

pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 01:59 PM

Dear Depressed: Thank you for the response. It is very helpful. Just what I was hoping to read. I am not saying she has to be totally drunk just quite high and it is EVERY time we do it. We ONLY do it when she is in this condition. This is what disturbs me. She is definitely not bored and we have tried new things and its never ever a routine. The last time we were in a canoe in the middle of a lake! I agree that there is definitely something psychologically wrong here but I can't decide if it' s worth walking away from the relationship over. I really love and care for this person.

Wildcat21 · Oct 4, 2006, 02:04 PM

Have you spoken with her about this - I mean deeply? Told wha tbothers you? You must do this. You must before walking away.

So many people WALK away fro mrelationship without REALLY talking - telling their partner what really bothers them. Most people don't even know they are doing certain things. If they love you they will work on it.

starryeyed · Oct 4, 2006, 02:08 PM

Judgeing by what you've posted in your other threads, the best thing to take from this is that people do things against their better judgement when they're drunk, that they wouldn't otherwise do. They become uninhibited, and could do things they're not otherwise confident enough to do - but the "friends with benefits" thing would just lead me to think that in this case thoughtless drunken sex is just thoughtless drunken sex.

Depressed in MO · Oct 4, 2006, 02:22 PM

"The last time we were in a canoe in the middle of a lake!"-That is very romantic/fun. But was she DRUNK then?

Definitely should talk to her, and let her know it is hurting her. She may have told you/may think that this is the only way for her to get off, but she is truly missing out on the better orgasm-when she is sober. Try to work it out before walking away. And remember, even if you have a good talk, it will still take some time and patience. Best of luck to you and her.

Wildcat21 · Oct 4, 2006, 02:26 PM

I think this guy is a little too soft wit hher and she just walks all over him. He isn't man enough to put her in her place. Too agreeable about everything - for sure.

s_cianci · Oct 4, 2006, 06:53 PM

A woman who only wants to have sex when she's drunk is not an emotionally healthy woman. Big red flag here.

pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I think this guy is a little too soft with her and she just walks all over him. He isn't man enough to put her in her place. Too agreeable about everything - for sure.

Dear Wildcat: You are correct in thinking/stating that I am a little too soft with her. But you are incorrect in your statement "he isn't man enough to put her in her place." And here is why... I don't believe anyone has the right to put anyone in their place for any reason whatsoever. Especially in a relationship. This never fixes anything. I don't want a relationship where dominant male egos are required. I respect her too much for that type of relationship.

Isn't this the problem with the world today? First it's one person putting another in their place and it ends with one nation putting another nation in their place.

I was actually successful in sustaining a sober relationship (sexual and emotional) for 5 months with her. But all that growth changed back into previous behavior patterns. My "soft" approach is mainly due to her emotional issues as another poster has suggested. I do appreciate your insightful responses.

pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 11:56 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

A woman who only wants to have sex when she's drunk is not an emotionally healthy woman. Big red flag here.

While I know I know this, it sure helps to actually read this.

I was successful in sustaining a sober relationship (sexual and emotional) for 5 months with her. But all that growth changed back into previous behavior patterns. I'm learning that while I hold good intentions here maybe there are bigger issues that are out of my control. I do really want to be there for her when she finally realizes that being sober is being healthy whether we are still in a sexual relationship or not.

K_3 · Oct 5, 2006, 04:42 AM

Anytime someone needs alcohol or a drug to do anything, they have a big problem. Be prepared if you stay for the roller coaster ride of your life. One day you will be sure life is going to be OK and the next day you are flying through the air wondering what happened. Are you willing to give up your peace for someone else? Sometimes it takes years for them to realize they have a problem.

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 09:20 AM

Sorry Pathfiner - one day you will get it. You're wrong - women do want to be put in their place. They want a man -0 not a doormet. They need to be told they are acting crabby or what ever.

Women do a lot of crap to see how much they can get away from you. Believe me. You let this woman walk all over you.

The women here may not like this - but they know I am right - men need to take the and put women in their place sometimes - women act up out emotions. They TEST you. You have FAILED everyone of her tests.

You need to learn about women's TESTS - they WILL test you all day long if you let them.

This woman of yours has gotten away with so much she doesn't respect you and takes you for granted.

Put someone in there place means they don't walk all over you - you have a lofe and don't need them in your life.

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

You need to learn about women's TESTS - they WILL test you all day long if you let them.

Who are these nasty women that you speak of? All the women in the world?

I guess I just haven't shared this experience and I've dated a lot of women from a few different countries.

Depressed in MO · Oct 5, 2006, 09:30 AM

"men need to take the and put women in their place sometimes - women act up out emotions"-Oh WildCat, you have some guts :). As I agree with you to a degree, I must also say that sometimes ALSO, women need to take and put MEN in their place.
Goes both ways. Men get emotional too beyond a "normal" degree as you can clearly see even on this post itself.;)

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 10:24 AM

Well - what I am saying is - guys need to have a spine. Balls. They need a life.

It's OK to SAY NO!! It's OK to disagree. It's OK to have different ideas.

YES - guys need to be put in there place as well - no question. I was just helping this guy as he is getting walked all over by this gal - she gets everything SHE wants.

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 10:25 AM

NeedKarma - maybe you just don't know when you're being palyed. Women test all thetime - they need to know if you're weak or not.

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 10:42 AM

It just seems like such a defensive view towards women and that advice makes me uncomfortable. I'm not in high school anymore so I don't worry about "being played". Of course I agree that no one, male or female, should be a pushover, but some are just geared that way and they too will find a mate.

Women aren't all the same, that may come as surprise to you. It would be nice to hear from the woman's point-of-view, but that can be another thread. Sorry, didn't mean to derail this, it just makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when someone generalize so much as to give one quality to a whole gender.

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 11:43 AM

Please - everyone woman on the face of the earth is different I ntheir own way. I never generalized.

I think you may want to learn about women's tests.

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 11:47 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I think you may want to learn about women's tests.

Nah, I'm good. I have the sneaky suspicion I have quite a bit more experience with women than you do ;)... at least I know they were very positive experiences.