[lovelyrenae]

Hello

I have written a story for my yr 10 English class, it a romanic story, but I am not going to give out my whole story just the romance part, that I have written down. Here it is, and enjoy... :)

One dark and blustery night in the middle of autumn, Rose ambled home from work.
The long narrow path guided her to the forbidden forest.
The aged trees arched over her, the sudden gust of wind seeped through the branches, made the trees howl, as if in radical pain.
The wind leisurely died down, the only sound to be heard was a faint cry from an owl, somewhere deep in the murky woods.
Dead leaves brushed lightly against her ankles, snapped and crackled under her shoes.

A single footstep behind, alerted her. She shivered and glanced over her shoulder. Is it my imagination, she wondered, or is someone following me?
Rose heaved a sigh of relief when saw that nobody appeared behind her.
However it was arduous to distinguish, although she was not entirely convinced.
She turned and picked up her pace. Again she heard footsteps along with an abrasive cough. This person obviously wanted to be acknowledged.
She didn’t glance back. She took off running. She pumped her arms as hard as she could.
Heavy footsteps pounded in her ears. Closer. Closer.
Rose cried out as she stumbled over something, a large rock. She pitched forward, hitting the ground hard.
Rose lay face down in a mountain of autumn leaves, panting, terrified.

Rose felt footsteps tremble under her body…and stopped inches from her face.
She apprehensively gazed up, inquisitive to discover who chased her.
A blanket of shadow disguise the man face, she could not predictable who this stranger was.
“W-who are you? What do you want?” Rose stammered.
The stranger stood motionless, observed her with his glassy stare.
“What a nasty fall,” the man exclaims as he stepped out from behind the shadows, Rose recognised him immediately.
“Daniel! What you doing here? Mustn’t you be at work?” Rose requested eyeing Daniel suspiciously.
“You left this behind,” he quickly explained thrusting his hand in her face.

To her astonishment Daniel held her precious heart-shaped necklace which belongs to her great-grandmother.
Rose touched her neck, feeling where her necklace used to be.
“How did you? How could I possibly?” Rose spluttered essentially speechless from her lack of care.
“Thank you, Daniel. I would never have forgiven myself,” she gasped, climbing back onto her feet, and then using her fingers to brush out the leaves in her auburn hair.
“No need the thank me. Rose, you know I’ll always be there for you…no matter what happens.” His word melted her heart, she felt drawn to him.
He stood tall, good-looking boy with jet black unruly hair. His eyes were dark and inscrutable, yet they seem to be penetrating right into her very soul.
When their eyes met Rose shivered. His physical presence was powerful, almost overwhelming; his piercing gaze made her feel strangely vulnerable.
All at once Rose felt uncomfortable, almost apprehensive, and she nearly stumbled in her effort to take her eyes from his.

“Rose, is something bothering you? Because if something is-.”
“No,” Rose interrupted him. “I’m fine Daniel, really. It’s just…”
Daniel handsome features twisted in concern.
“Just?”
The icy breeze whipped around Rose, felt as if a thousand knives were cutting into her naked skin.
Rose long auburn hair wildly lashes over her face.
Her cheeks inflame from the hostile cold.
She returned her gaze to Daniel and slowly exhales.
Daniel senses her discomfort. He unzipped his jacket and the rest it over her shoulders. Rose looked deeply into his dark eyes; she was touched by his benevolence.
“Daniel, you didn’t have to.” Rose whispered.
To her surprise his arms slid around her waist, holding her with an intensity that took her breath away.
“Yes I did, because I have never loved, or cared, for anyone as much as I did for you. I think, I would have missed you, even if we never met,” he whispered back.
He pulled her closer towards him.
Rose melted in his arm; she wanted this moment to last forever.
Daniel tenderly stroked her soft hair.
She so beautiful, he thought, dreamily. Rose’s eyes were deep brown with tiny flecks of emerald. Her full lips, red as rose against her creamy white skin.
He breathes in the faint aroma of her lingering perfume.
Then he touched her face, taking it into his hands.
He bent down his hot lips brushed lightly against hers, then softly, tenderly, his lips closed over hers.
They kissed passionately until, they were left breathless.

Rose gasped loudly; her trembly hand covered her mouth, the colour abruptly drained from her face.
She realised she have stayed longer, than she intended.
“Oh no, Daniel, I have to leave!” Rose cried her eyes wide in apprehension. Her heart beat so fast and so hard that she can hear it.
Rose felt his arms tighten around her waist; his handsome face warily studied hers.
“Rose, you’re scaring me. What’s upsetting you?” His eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement.
Rose required so wilfully to tell him her horrifying secrets, she has faith in him, but deep down she was too afraid to take the risk.

“I can’t tell you, Daniel.” She whispered with a heavy heart. She couldn’t let him see her cry like this, she wouldn’t bare it. Rose tried to pull away, but, Daniel held her with his strong grip.
“You wont understand, let me go,” Rose shrieked.
“I will not let you go, until you tell me,” Daniel warned.
He sighed unhappily then wiped away her tears.
“Daniel, if you care for me,” She paused took a deep breath and continued “…let me go,” she pleaded.
“I do, I really do,” he whispered more to himself than to her.
Daniel squeezed her hand, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.
Rose closed her eyes when she felt his lips against her skin.
“Goodnight….” He breathed in her hair. Before he knew it, she turned, and vanished into the night.

[lovelyrenae]

Please write what you thought about my story!

[TJ17]

That was pretty good, u like writing I take it?. good job ;)

[Clough]

Hi, lovelyrenae!

I especially like the descriptive words that you use! My one suggestion would be to split it up into more paragraphs.

Thanks!

[Wondergirl]

Sorry, but it seems unrealistic. Why is she ambling through the forest on such a horrible night? And it's stormy weather and the wind dies down leisurely?

Your adjectives and adverbs--and verbs too--don't always match what's happening. I find it hard to believe these two are having a romantic moment during this horrible storm. Can't he lead her to shelter first?

Check for (lots of) misspellings and comma splices (plus incorrect comma placement).

[paigerwaiger94]

I like the idea of the story... but it kind of seems like one of those ten cent romance books you find on the shelfs at your local bookstore. Its very cheesy, and corny. I wouldn't suggest handing it out to your class.

[TJ17]

Sorry, but it seems unrealistic. Why is she ambling through the forest on such a horrible night? And it's stormy weather and the wind dies down leisurely?

Your adjectives and adverbs--and verbs too--don't always match what's happening. I find it hard to believe these two are having a romantic moment during this horrible storm. Can't he lead her to shelter first?

Check for (lots of) misspellings and comma splices (plus incorrect comma placement).

It seems just as realistic as most of the movie plots they bring out nowadays, so what if there's a few inconsistencies, I think she did pretty good especially if it's her first attempt.;)