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martina59 · May 25, 2009, 08:41 PM

Our daughter & son-in-law had told us they would like for us to be guardians of our grandaughter shortly after she was born (5.5 yrs ago). Just recently, they decided they would like for us to just continue to be her grandparents, rather than parents (God forbid... if anything should happen to them). So, they've now asked their best friend couple to be our grandaughter's guardians. We have a fantastic relationship with our son-in-law and daughter, and I realize this is totally their decision, but I'm very hurt by it. We're not exactly "pushin the lower 6' "... I'm 50, my husband is 54. Should I share with her my hurt feelings over this, or just accept it? It wasn't made legal with us, nor has it been made legal with their friends as of yet (this couple have no children of their own, but plan to, and are just getting married next month). They are in their late 20's, and both engineers and would like to have a farm someday.

justcurious55 · May 27, 2009, 05:33 PM

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. If something were to happen to your daughter and son-in-law, god forbid, would you really want to become the parental figures? That means you have to set all of the rules, curfews, boundaries, etc. when I was little, the thing I loved most about going to my grandma's was that there were virtually no rules. I ate all the junk food I wanted and stayed up as late as I wanted. I didn't have to pick up my toys and I was practically guaranteed a new toy whenever we went out. I was totally spoiled. Then when I got older and my mother was in the hospital for about a month my grandmother came to stay for a month to look after my brother and me. It was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Be happy and enjoy that you can always be the grandparent. :)

Wondergirl · May 27, 2009, 05:46 PM

The last thing I would ever want to do would be to serve as guardians ("parents") for my grandchildren. It makes me tired just to think about keeping up with teenagers (you'll be in your 60s then) and wondering if I would live long enough to see them through college and into marriages.

My bil and his wife adopted babies when they were 40 and 43. Now they stare at each other and say, "What were we thinking????"

It's much better to have guardians who are your own age and who are in your social circle.

martina59 · May 28, 2009, 04:27 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

maybe its a blessing in disguise. if something were to happen to your daughter and son-in-law, god forbid, would you really want to become the parental figures? that means you have to set all of the rules, curfews, boundaries, etc. when i was little, the thing i loved most about going to my grandma's was that there were virtually no rules. i ate all the junk food i wanted and stayed up as late as i wanted. i didn't have to pick up my toys and i was practically guaranteed a new toy whenever we went out. i was totally spoiled. then when i got older and my mother was in the hospital for about a month my grandmother came to stay for a month to look after my brother and me. it was the beginning of the end of our relationship. be happy and enjoy that you can always be the grandparent. :)

Thank you so much for such wise, and sound advise. Ever since I read your opinion over this, I've felt so much better. It really took the edge off the hurt I've felt over it, and I truly appreciate your taking the time to reply!