[bblair]

Hello, just recently my husband and I discovered my 11 year old daughter had stolen $435.00 from our bedroom. It was not in plain sight and after we discovered that she has taken 2 items from our room that were hers and she snuck them back so she could use them without our knowledge. I do not know what to do. I took her to the local probation department to have them talk with her and hopefully scare her. I just don't know what to do.

[Alty]

Will she be repaying the money she stole? That's important in my opinion. She has to suffer consequences for her actions, not threats, but actual consequences.

I'd take away privileges, TV, computer, cell phone if she has one, and she can work off the money she stole, plus interest.

No special events until all the money is paid. When she gets home from school it's homework then work. Assign a dollar amount for each chore or job she does, keep track of it until it's paid off.

Weekends she can work 8 hours a day. After all, you had to work for the money, why shouldn't she?

Stealing is serious. She needs to know that everything she does has a consequence. Stress the fact that she's getting off easy this time, because stealing can lead to jail.

Good luck.

[N0help4u]

I would say when she wants something and you would have normally bought it tell her that you ''would have but you are short because of the $435.''

[J_9]

I'm left wondering what an 11 year old needs with $435. Is there something more to the story?

[nikosmom]

I agree with Altenweg on assigning an actual consequence is important. Whatever you decide, you must stick to it.

I have an 11 year old cousin that steals also. She's been doing this for a few years. The thing is my aunt never stuck to the punishments she decided on. So now the child doesn't take the idea of "punishment/consequences" seriously. The behavior continues and the whole family knows her as a thief.

Honestly I don't think it's so important as the amount that she stole; it's the fact that she took something that she wasn't supposed to.

My cousin stole a pack of gum and a candy bar from me when she was at my house a couple weeks ago. I don't care about the actual value because honestly we're only talking about $1 total for both items. But the point that I should be able to trust her and can't is a bigger concern to me. And in the same week she stole money and cigarettes from my parents' house. It won't stop unless she sees real consequences.

[Jake2008]

Do you have any idea what she spent all that money on? Is there anythign to show for it?

If there are actually pieces of clothing or jewellery etc. that had been bought with this money, I would either return them to the stores with her, or, donate them to the goodwill. She has to learn there is no value to stealing. Working for money to buy something she wants is an entirely different story.

11 years old is a little young to be out at the mall isn't it? I'm not sure about that, but I expect that she had friends with her. Was she buying things for her friends as well? If so, you need to contact those parents, get the items back, and make an impression that your daughter, and her friends, won't soon forget.

I totally agree with consequences, and I think you did a good thing taking her to see a probation officer. I hope he talked turkey.

But, without knowing what happened with the money, how it was spent, and with whom, for what purpose, it's hard to nail down the right consequence.

She needs to do more than just repay the money in my opinion. She needs to tell the whole truth from start to finish, and then accept the consequences for what she has done.