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scared22 · May 21, 2009, 02:16 PM

Please help - I met Hank when I was very young and we we always on and off then when we were 20 we got back together in May and in the June I got really drunk and I slept with someone else I never saw this guy again and have regretted sleeping with him ever since, anyway I found out I had fallen pregnant in the May and that it was Hank's baby so I never told him about the other guy. A year later we got married and have been really happy and had some more kids but now I have the ergue to tell him what I did and I am scared I am making another mistake by telling him it's been six years since it happened and I do love him with all my heart and I have never cheated again. I don't want to break up my family for something that happened so long ago and I know I should have told him then and that I made another mistake on top of a mistake I don't know how I let it get so out of control can anyone help me on what I should do and if I am really a bad person.

I just feel my kids deserve to have a happy family.

dontknownuthin · May 21, 2009, 02:25 PM

I recommend you not tell him. Confess to your minister or see a counselor, but my feeling is that a lot of time has passed, and if you bring it up it will create a lot of sadness and pain for your husband. He will not know if he can trust you any longer. He will have the image of you in his head with another person.

I know some people feel that honesty is the best policy, but if your intent is to stay with him and this is limited to the one-night indiscretion you are describing here, while it's not in the least OK - it was totally, inexcuseably wrong - I think your better off recommiting yourself to being a better wife, and keep this one to yourself.

Ask yourself, what good will come of telling him? If it is only that you will somehow feel less guilty if it's out in the open, that's a crappy reason - feeling guilty when we've done the wrong thing is appropriate, and while you need to work through that, it's not really fair to just transfer your bad feelings to him by making him feel bad. It does not un-do the wrong in the least, it just makes him pay the price for your mistake.

artlady · May 21, 2009, 02:36 PM

Coming clean may make you feel better for a brief amount of time but the possible repercussions are not worth the risk.

I believe in confessing to my higher power and my God instructs me that if I am truly sorry ,I am forgiven.

As has been suggested ,if you have any religious belief,take it up with them and not your hubby.It will devastate him and may be the end of your marriage.

Your kids have a happy family now,breaking up the family will serve no one.I am not sure I understand that statement.

IWHO · May 21, 2009, 03:07 PM

I think you need to ask yourself why after all this time you feel it necessary to tell him?. what has happened to bring this on?

You say you don't know how this got so out of control... what is our of control? This urge to tell him... your guilt... what? Again, I refer back to my first question, why after all this time do you "need" to tell him now?

And you say your kids deserve a happy family... is it not happy now? Would telling your husband make your family happy? Or are you just trying to ease your guilt?.

Telling your husband is the right thing to do... but be aware, that there WILL BE consequences... if your relationship is not strong, it could possible destroy it... again, I refer to my first question, why do you feel it necessary after all this time to tell him?. by answering THAT question, you may find there is more to the story here than you realize...

mami_to0_blazin · May 21, 2009, 03:21 PM

Its better off not to tell I agree with every one else.

Jake2008 · Jun 1, 2009, 07:05 AM

Sometimes secrets attached to a guilty conscience can plague a person for years.

I agree that because of what you have said here, it was a mistake, you haven't done it again, and you've gone on to have a happy life with your husband.

I also agree that there is no point in telling your husband. The only need that will be met here is your need to resolve the mistake, and set your mind at ease. It will do nothing for your husband, and may cause far more trouble than its worth to tell him.

See to it that you assuauge this guilt, by forgiving yourself. Start with your pastor, a counsellor, your family doctor. Someone who you can totally trust without question.

Then, let it go. Truly let it go. If you keep that long ago mistake at the forefront, you will always wonder 'what if' he knew, does he deserve to know, am I a bad person for not telling him, will he leave, will he kick me out, etc. etc. etc. The guilt is what is creating the problems.

The person you have become now is the only person that counts.

0rphan · Jun 2, 2009, 09:31 AM

Hi scared22,

Do not tell him, what is there to gain, accept you clearing your conscence but at what price.

No matter how happy you are now,you will break the very foundation of what your marriage is built on.

The trust will be gone, plus everything else that your husband and children believe you stand for... don't do it, there is no gain only pain for everyone involved.
Some things are best left buried.

You obviously need to of load to someone, go to a counciller or maybe phone annonymously with one of the help lines... be sure you are in the home on your own or better still away from the home altogether.

Say what you have to say to clear you mind,then put this whole stuation behind you.

Focus on the here and now and not the past.

It won't help anyone... least of all your family

helloitsmeyes · Apr 3, 2012, 05:08 PM

I agree. Don't say anything. What's done is done and you will have always in some small way have to live with that decision. So long as you mean what you say and you are not going to go there again, don't go there. You may always regret this decision (and that my friend is your cross to bear) but don't put this on your significant other. Not now. We have ALL made mistakes, and although you may feel like a horrible person, this one night does not define you. Yes you were wrong, and yes you might always feel a small pang of guilt when what you did crosses your mind, but you can always be a better person today than the one you were yesterday and you have proven that. Peace to and yours.

CoruptedAngel · May 3, 2012, 07:29 PM

Oh my God! I am not believing this. One it shoudv'e been told right away. No if, and's or buts about it! And it needs to be told now. Don't wait. Mean seriously people.

He has a right to know that child isn't his. What if something ( God forbid ) happens oneday and this child needs his blood etc but wait it isn't a match. Then he will ask you why did you wait so long to tell him!

I am shocked by the way every single one of you has answered this question. Would you not want to know?? Yes it's her guilt and will be his pain but it's a pain he should've went through 6 years ago or better yet not at all (cheated)

Yes tell him!!