[SpringRose]

Well me and my ex boyfriend have been through alot- he cheated I took him back we got in a cycle of breaking up & getting back together. The last time we broke up he started seeing a girl from the local pub. He broke this off with her and decided he wanted to work on us. Things have been going really great, we're getting on like when we first got together some five years ago. However he still sees her, quite a lot, and she still rings and texts him everyday and I'm enraged with jealousy.

I can't help but ask about when he sees her and stupid things like did he hug/kiss her goodbye and its driving me mad! I do trust him to an extent and after we've fallen out about him seeing her I feel stupid and question why I ever doubted him in the first place. They are just two mates going shopping and having a drink/dinner right? At the min me and my ex aren't officially back together but we act like a couple so I don't really have any right to tell him to be exclusive to me anyway. He just wants it to be right because he doesn't want to break up again so wants to give it time.

I was wondering whether anybody had any tips about controlling jealousy? When he looks at other girls it doesn't bother me I just know that he has a past with this girl and she's made it clear she wants to be more than friends. My jealousy is now ruining the good times we've been having and I don't want him to have seconds thoughts about us and go back to her!

Any tips or help is much appreciated.

[Nestorian]

Jelousy, is it? You are not seeing the reality, you do NOT trust him, or you'd have no need to feel as you do. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, that is what Yoda tells Anikin Skywalker. You are afraid to loose him, and it angers you, so you hate this girl (or at the very least dislike her.) "...he has a past with this girl and shes made it clear she wants to be more than friends."-you And now you are suffering for all this.

He is not your BF, so why are you so jelous? Because you are acting like a couple? Kind of weak argument. This ain't no Katie Perry song, you can't be in then out, letting him change his mind like you change your clothes. You want something, and if he doesn't let him go his way, and you go yours. If there is something there, I'm sure you'll find one another again, if not, "Say la vie." (Is that how you spell that? :rolleyes: man I need to learn to spell.:o)

This is your life, you can't make him love you, and he can't make you love him. That, is a common missconception, as only we can choose to interpret things for ourselves. Take responsibility for your feelings, and find yourself respect, then one day you will know yourself enough to find some one who really cares about you. It may be him, but at tehe moment, that is very improbable. I am sorry, but your jelousy is telling you something, and think you should listen.

Peace and kindness be with you.

[teastalk]

I agree with Nestorian.

If I were the guy and I loved you, I would NOT be spending time with that girl even if she was my best friend (from your post I don't even think he's his best friend, a close friend at the least).

[blondndisguise5]

I'm going through a similar situation. Honestly, we both need to have the strength to say good bye. If a guy really wants you and loves you and its mean to be then he wouldn't put you as a back up. Try listening to the song by the script called fall for anything. The jealousy is a natural gutfeeling because you don't trust him and you have no reason to. Listen to your gut don't block it out

[SpringRose]

Thanks for all your replies.

Nestorian- you're right I do not like the girl- although in reality I have no reason to dislike her. I'm so jealous because we have 5 years of history- we're pretty much back together. Thing is if he said he didn't want me/us then that's cool but he tells me this is what he wants and it's just going to take time for things to go back to how they used to be.

Teastalk- he reckons their really good friends and that's how they got together originally- not because he found her attractive but for her personalty.

Blondndisguise5- Love that song- in fact the whole album. I don't want to say goodbye, I want to be able to not get angry at him for seeing her if possible?

Thanks everyone

[roxypox]

I agree with Nestorian: its not jealousy... and NO WONDER you don't trust him.
1. He has cheated on you
2. you have had multiple break-ups
3. he has dated someone else while broken up with you... in addition came back to you when that didn't work out.
4. still hangs out with her

No wonder you don't trust him

I understand that you don't want to say goodbye, but some times it is very necassery for us to move on in order to grow as people.

Even though he tells you that he wants the two of you, well that's something that has to be earned and first thing he should do is stop seeing that girl... seriously, even if he claims that they are good friends and what not. He was the one who messed up (cheated) that was HIS decision... not yours.. so why should you be punished for it?

To me it kind of reads like he says you're his first choice... but if you really are; why won't he make you and your feelings a priority? You shouldn't have to find away to deal with him being friends with her... he should respect you and stop being friends with her... how would he feel if the situation was reversed? What if you were the one who cheated? etc.

Just my opinion.

Hope it was of some help!

Roxy

[liz28]

I have one question for you "why are you still with this guy?"

This isn't love and you accepted being treated like crap and keep forgiving and forgiving then break up to make up.

He made a fool out of you but you take him back. Don't you think you deserve better? Okay two questions. Ever heard the saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?"

Get out and move on and get off this bumpy emotional roller coaster ride. As I said before, "You can do bad by yourself".

You don't need a man like this and you need to stop letting yourself be treated so bad. You deserve better and there are plenty of guys out there who would treat you like a queen not crap. Off and on again relationships are unhealthy and cheating is something I wouldn't accept. He is a cheater so the once a cheater always a cheater fits him so why do you keep taking him back and why be with a cheater? There is no future here if you stay with him only misery.

[Nestorian]

P.S. We never truly say good bye.

We just say until you grow up, mature, decide what you want, show you truly care for me/love me, and so on, I am going my own way so that I may find happiness, and not feel like a second hand on the side girl.

When he is ready, maybe you two will get together, but right now, you two are NOT TOGETHER, it's all an illusion that is holding you close so as you will not leave out of hope for being with him.

I never left my ex, even though she was hanging out with a nother man as "Just friends". Three weeks I went through hell, never again will I hate myself so, nor let myself down as such. I deserve to be treated better, and with respect; and so do you.

I wish you the best, but only you can change your situation.


Peace and kindness be with you.

[talaniman]

Removing him from your life, and allowing yourself to heal, and see reality, will not only give you a chance to be happy, and healthy, but cure your jealousy, over his actions.

That's what you do about your jealousy, remove yourself from this situation, and get in a healthier one.