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markerman · May 18, 2009, 01:03 PM

My ex girlfriend and I dated for 4 months. She ended things, and now I am wondering if she was a control freak ? And if I am better off without her? The relationship started all good and fun, but by the end of the second month when I was taking her out for supper she looked across the table from me and said "Eat Properly" I thought there was nothing wrong with how I was eating. She did this to me a total of 4 times. She also told me a few times that I needed new shoes. I didn’t think there was nothing wrong with my shoes. Is this normal? She would also give me after for things I said that weren’t even that bad. She would also tell me things like, "your still being judged by my family and friends you know,” She even told me once to wash my hands better. It seemed like she was always pecking at me by the end of the relationship. It just seemed very rude and ignorant of her to comment on how I was eating when I was the one taking her out for a nice supper? Are these characteristics of a controlling girlfriend? Thanks for the feed back everyone..

spitvenom · May 18, 2009, 01:10 PM

2 months hmmm Well I think she is controlling. Unless food was flying all over the table and you chewed with your mouth open. And as far as people judging you... I would have flown both middle fingers in the air and said judge this. Sorry that is the North Philly in me.

snow124 · May 18, 2009, 01:11 PM

Yes, it does sound like she was a bit controlling or a micro-manager. They're not much fun to be around... and being told you're being judged by her friends and family? No one wants to live under the pressure of meeting others' standards like that.

I wish · May 18, 2009, 01:14 PM

There might be some truth in her criticism of you, but she's definitely trying to change your behavior. It might seem controlling from your perspective. It might feel like she's trying to change you into someone you're not.

But in her perspective, she's just bothered by some of your habits and letting you know what she's thinking instead of keeping it inside. There's pros and cons from that kind of behavior. So it really depends on which angle you are taking to try to understand this.

SAB123 · May 18, 2009, 01:15 PM

Sounds like she has a controlling side to her.

kctiger · May 18, 2009, 01:18 PM

All of the issues you spoke of sound like signs of a typical nagging female, if you ask me... :cool:

talaniman · May 18, 2009, 01:27 PM

I don't know about controlling, but she likes to pick at things, about you a lot.

Maybe you dodged a bullet, and should be thankful, she let your sloppy eating, dirty hands, raggedy shoe wearing a$$ go. Joking!!

ajGambino · May 18, 2009, 02:23 PM

If she was nagging about those little things in the course of two months, imagine what she would be picking out when you guys were in it for two years. Tal's right, you dodged a bullet.

Whenever your partner tries to change you, even though it's not a big thing, it's always a clear sign of what you're bound to put up with. Seems like she cares about your image more then you. You don't need that buddy, move on.

Survivor07 · May 18, 2009, 02:47 PM

Congratulations on dodging this bullet.

She could have been a little more tactful in telling you these things, if it was bothering her. Honesty is always best. But, if you think your eating habits and shoes, etc. are appropriate and you've never been told about these things in the past... then I'd say she was trying to make you something you're not; she's picky and could be controlling and obsessed with an outside image.

The part about her friends and family still judging you? Wow. Yeah, I think you dodged one.

markerman · May 18, 2009, 08:10 PM

Threads merged and edited

If your ex treated you bad when you dated, but you put up with it hoping it would get better, and they ended up dumped you, is it all right to send them a email or a letter explaining how they treated you, and how you are glad they ended it for the sake of personal closer? Its kind of like you need to express all your feelings that have been built up.? Thanks for the Advice

I wish · May 18, 2009, 08:24 PM

You had your entire relationship to express your dissatisfaction and you decide to express yourself after you break up?

Expressing your feelings to him will only give him confusion and he may want to react to your letter. Then he might want to communicate with you and then you will want a rebuttal.

You're just opening up old wounds. Why do it? Let it go. You two are not together anymore. It's time to move on with your lives. Leave him alone and do yourself a favor and stop thinking about him too.

It's time to move forward and leave him behind. Don't walk backwards.

Triysle · May 18, 2009, 08:47 PM

Well, I sent one of those letters after I got dumped, and didn't get any response at all. Honestly, if you can deal with knowing that they may not even read it (or might even delete it!) then send it. However, you need to accept your situation and realize that your words will have very little meaning to them right now. They expect you to lash out, and they will not take you as seriously as you want them to.

If it was my decision, I would simply be happy that I realized how bad it was for myself, and thus it would be that much easier to get over them and stop worry about what they thought. I'm guessing your breakup was fairly recent, and you're experiencing the normal feelings right now. Just realize that the sooner you can go No Contact, the better.

~ Tee

Romefalls19 · May 19, 2009, 05:44 AM

Nope, no reason to send it. They are out of your life, you had your whole relationship to explain your displeasure but chose not too, therefore speaking up now would be futile and meaningless.

kctiger · May 19, 2009, 05:51 AM

Your personal closure is NEVER letting them treat you like that again, and moving on as if they do not exist... that is true closure.

markerman · May 19, 2009, 09:48 AM

I think she dumped me because I wasn't letting her change me.

The Dark09 · May 19, 2009, 10:43 AM

Never go out with a girl that controls you and what you do, don't go out with her.

markerman · May 19, 2009, 11:19 AM

Hey thanks for the feedback, it really helped me. It is true, something like that in a relationship usually doesn't get better. She wanted to be just friends, but I told her not even a friend would treat me like that...

artlady · May 19, 2009, 11:23 AM

There are ways to suggest things to people but she sounded like a nag.
Could you imagine a lifetime of that? Yikes!

You dodged a bullet,oh without a doubt,you probably dodged high blood pressure,anxiety attacks and chronic headaches !

liz28 · May 19, 2009, 12:26 PM

Be glad it is over and never be afraid to ask questions when someone say something to you.

When she said something about your eating habits you should have asked what is wrong with the way you eat. Why are your friends and family judging me? Etc, etc

It seems like your ex was spoiled and wanted things her way. Once she saw you wasn't doing things her way she left.

However, she is history now. Count your lucky stars!

The Dark09 · May 19, 2009, 12:34 PM

Yea