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KikiGirl13 · May 17, 2009, 02:04 PM

I've been with this guy for about 3 months so far, and I really, really love him. He says he loves me too, but we barely talk to each other. We used to talk almost all the time non-stop. We'd stay up till 4AM just chatting with each other. But then my parents found out about him and got pissed at me, so they banned me from talking to him. He's two years older than me, and is Japanese (making my parents hate him. One, for being older than me. Two, for not being Chinese like I am. They hate almost anyone who isn't Chinese. So racist of them). I still talk to him without my parents knowing though, but our conversations are short, just "Hey.", "How are you?", "Okay.". That kind of stuff. I miss him so much but since we almost are never speaking, I'm going after other people's attention. My best friend's little brother happens to have a crush on me, so I'm just constantly flirting with him. I have no feelings for his little brother but I'm just in need of attention, so I'm even willing to do that. I'm not cheating on my boyfriend, but the fact that I'm always searching for David's (my best friend's little brother) attention makes me feel extremely guilty. I'm in such a mess, and I want to tell David what I feel, and tell my boyfriend I miss him, but every time I try, I can't seem to say anything. What the hell should I do?

musiclova34 · May 17, 2009, 05:39 PM

here's for one thing, when ever you get the chance to talk with him, make sure it was worth the while. You're parents shouldn't hate him for race but try to talk to them about it. Just tel them to give them one chance, and if that doesn't work out. Well, you have a couple options. You could talk to them behind their backs, you could come out to them, and say *if he is your world" and u dont xactly have to say this way, but u could say something like this "I have real feelings with this guy, and that he means "almost"(optional) everything to me, and u accepting it or not will not change how I feel about him. But I just wish that u were their to support me" Somthin like that mite help, u could try that, or completely rebel on their thots, or * I hate saying this * u could listen to your parents break up with him, but if u rele like *or love* him, I recommend u do not do the last one

Hope I helped and good luck

Sincerely
Sin (Cyn)

I wish · May 18, 2009, 06:17 AM

Culture clashes are always a huge barrier in a relationship. We can't tell you what to do, but we can ask you questions so that it can direct your thoughts in a helpful direction. There are some questions that you should consider:

1) How important is your parents' opinion? If they are in the highest priority, then you can basically stop reading and try to find a way to get over the guy instead of trying to force the relationship.

2) If your parents opinion is important, but not as important as love for a significant other, then you're going to need to confront your parents. Explain to them that you understand that they are completely against the relationship, but it's what you want, whether you have their approval or not. This is going to put a lot of strain in your relationship because you will constantly be at odds with your family. Not the most ideal situation, but you'll have to compromise somehow to be together.

3) If your parents' opinion won't ever change because of their stubbornness, then you're just going to have to accept that and find a way around it, instead of trying to convince them otherwise. You'll just have to find ways to adapt to their disapproval and make the best out of a bad situation.

4) One possibility to gain your parent's approval is patience. Give them time to realize that you are happy with this person. Once they see their daughter happy, it will sink into their minds eventually (but it might take quite a bit of time). Another thing you can do is allow them to get to know your significant other slowly. But I repeat, give them small doses of him so as to not overload them. Remember, for them to accept your relationship, it's going to take a lot of time (and keep in mind it might never even happen), so that's why it's better to give them small doses to slowly wear them down.

I'm sure other people will have other ideas, but these are some factors to take into consideration.

KikiGirl13 · May 20, 2009, 08:16 PM

It's getting closer to my birthday, so posting this sucks. Anyway...

My boyfriend and I lately, don't talk so much anymore. He keeps talking to one of my friends, who I know has a major crush on him. It seems like they get along quite well, and I'm glad that they are. But as it gets closer to my birthday, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and she doesn't want anything to do with me either. At first I thought: "Oh..They're probably trying to plan a surprise partly like they did last year.", but they don't act like they are. They keep whispering about something, then when I ask them about it, my boyfriend says: "I'll tell you AFTER your birthday."

That.. doesn't... sound... too... good. Before I jump to conclusions, can someone post their opinion on this?

I wish · May 20, 2009, 08:17 PM

Sounds more like he's planning a surprise party, but he's not very good at hiding it because he has no reason to treat you differently or ignore you this way.

I'd say be patient and wait until after your birthday.

KikiGirl13 · May 20, 2009, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Sounds more like he's planning a surprise party, but he's not very good at hiding it because he has no reason to treat you differently or ignore you this way.

I'd say be patient and wait until after your bday.

Heh... he was just a friend from last year, and while we were still just friends, he acted normal. But now... he's completely ignoring me. He won't talk to me, answer the phone, read my email... or if he does, he's not replying...

I wish · May 20, 2009, 08:24 PM

When is your birthday? How much longer do you have to wait? He did say that he will explain after your birthday. So you'll just have to wait.

KikiGirl13 · May 20, 2009, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

When is your bday? How much longer do you have to wait? He did say that he will explain after your bday. So you'll just have to wait.

Well.. it's the 24th... At least I think so? Well.. I don't know my birthday so I'm assuming it's 24th. That's in four more days... He said to wait, and I am *trying* to... but I've been waiting a whole week... What does he have to say?

KikiGirl13 · May 20, 2009, 08:36 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Culture clashes are always a huge barrier in a relationship. We can't tell you what to do, but we can ask you questions so that it can direct your thoughts in a helpful direction. There are some questions that you should consider:

1) How important is your parents' opinion? If they are in the highest priority, then you can basically stop reading and try to find a way to get over the guy instead of trying to force the relationship.

2) If your parents opinion is important, but not as important as love for a significant other, then you're going to need to confront your parents. Explain to them that you understand that they are completely against the relationship, but it's what you want, whether you have their approval or not. This is going to put a lot of strain in your relationship because you will constantly be at odds with your family. Not the most ideal situation, but you'll have to compromise somehow to be together.

3) If your parents' opinion won't ever change because of their stubborness, then you're just going to have to accept that and find a way around it, instead of trying to convince them otherwise. You'll just have to find ways to adapt to their disapproval and make the best out of a bad situation.

4) One possibility to gain your parent's approval is patience. Give them time to realize that you are happy with this person. Once they see their daughter happy, it will sink into their minds eventually (but it might take quite a bit of time). Another thing you can do is allow them to get to know your significant other slowly. But I repeat, give them small doses of him so as to not overload them. Remember, for them to accept your relationship, it's going to take a lot of time (and keep in mind it might never even happen), so that's why it's better to give them small doses to slowly wear them down.

I'm sure other people will have other ideas, but these are some factors to take into consideration.

1. My parents don't mean much to me. But they *are* in control of my life now, so I might as well make an effort to be nice to them.

2. They wouldn't understand anything at all... They just blew up at me.

3. I hope that there *is* a way around it.

4. I've been with him for two months only. They found out the first three weeks. But since they're slow, I'm trying to let them adjust to him. But he almost never comes over anyway. It's only when I'm talking to him on the phone or email then do they explode. If they see me walking with them, they get angrier. Then again... I have to wait for them to get over it. They found out rather abruptly anyway...

I wish · May 21, 2009, 06:06 AM

Here's the problem. You've already confronted him about it. He said to wait until after your birthday. A week sounds ridiculous.

So here are your options left (since you already confronted him):

1) Wait the extra 3 days

2) Break up with him

pixiegurl · May 21, 2009, 06:09 AM

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Well..it's the 24th...At least I think so? Well..I don't know my birthday so I'm assuming it's 24th. That's in four more days.... He said to wait, and I am *trying* to...but I've been waiting a whole week.... What does he have to say?

You don't know when your birthday is? :S

KikiGirl13 · May 21, 2009, 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by pixiegurl

you don't know when your birthday is?? :S

Nope :) That's why all my friends start fussing around the estimated time...
But my boyfriend is ignoring me completely. I tried to get him to talk to me, but all he did was say: "I'll talk to you later." He seems to have time for other people though... just not me. I wonder why... He never acted this way before...

KikiGirl13 · May 21, 2009, 04:35 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Here's the problem. You've already confronted him about it. He said to wait until after your birthday. A week sounds ridiculous.

So here are your options left (since you already confronted him):

1) Wait the extra 3 days

2) Break up with him

I think I'll chose the first option. But I'm worried is all...

KikiGirl13 · May 22, 2009, 09:15 AM

I knew that he was hiding something, but I didn't know... that... he was a twin. It turns out that my boyfriend and his twin have been switching places with each other. I never noticed until... he told me. They are identical and even act like each other. Then I found out, they've both been dating me. Now they're having me choose one of them. I doubt that both of them could have been in "love" with me, which is something they both claim.
Now what do I do? I'm all confused...

liz28 · May 22, 2009, 09:21 AM

Leave them alone because this is fishy and who knows how many females they did this to.

Why do this to someone?

I wish · May 22, 2009, 09:26 AM

Obviously neither really cares about you, because if one of them cared, they would not allow the other brother to do something like this.

Leave them both, you deserve better.

artlady · May 22, 2009, 09:29 AM

Show them both the door!

That is a nasty thing to do and would be even worse if you had any type of intimate relationship with them.

If either of them cared about you at all,they never would have deceived you this way.

It sounds like something from a bad soap opera.

Lose them both,neither one is worthy of anything but a swift kick in the keister.

nikosmom · May 22, 2009, 09:30 AM

Had to spread the rep Iwish but I agree.

They are low down and have been lying to you. Lying wouldn't be acceptable even if it was only one guy so it's definitely not okay in this situation.

To sum it up: they've been making a fool of you all this time.

Your decision?- choose yourself. Love yourself enough to not let guys play with your heart like this.

J_9 · May 22, 2009, 09:31 AM

Originally Posted by KikiGirl13

Now what do I do?

You drop both of them like a hot potato. It isn't a joke to play with someone's feelings. It is apparent that neither one of them likes you and they are only toying with your emotions. How cruel can some people be?

KikiGirl13 · May 22, 2009, 10:26 AM

I thought that I cared... but now I'm just damn pissed. I'm trying to talk to them right now. My boyfriend says: I really care. I really do. But his twin says: Right, he's just joking isn't he? And then they both go: CHOOSE.. How cruel can they be?