[herecomesthesun]

I guess this is a age old question... is true love real?

I was with my partner for 9 years and about to get married. We loved each other, but were not "In Love" so to say.

I would do anything for her and we cared for each other and she gave me the same respect. In the end she left me saying she wanted "Movie Love" which broke my heart. I do love her but I was not madly "in love", besotted, first few months.. kind of love.. she was the same. She told me she would go out with her friends and that guys would hit on her and she would feel flattered and maybe like taking things further.. she said that she shouldn't feel like this about other people if I was the one and she didn't get that thrill or romanticism from me anymore regardless of how romantic I try to be. I tried to tell her that this kind of thrill and excitement is always present in new relationships, but that it is the mature respect and comfortable love and trust that comes after the initial thrill and excitement that really matters. I said that even if she found a new exciting partner she may feel that dwindle after some months and then find herself with someone she does not respect or feel so comfortable with... that this could lead to a cycle of almost constantly looking for that all consuming passionate love that lasts forever.. that might not really exist!

Thing is that I might be wrong, maybe we were jut wrong for each other and this does exist.. I don't really know! So I'm asking you guys...

Does "In Love forever" really exist or is it "Standing Love" that matters in the end as the thrill will always fizzle?

Believe me I want the prior if it exists but I'm trying to be realistic.

Thanks in advance for your comments!

[busy_bee]

I don't think there is really one concrete answer to your question, so all that I can give is my opinion on the ''love'' matter.

From what I gather from your post, movie love is a case of being in love with the person forever and ever, wanting to be with them twenty-four seven. Well, I don't think that exists. I agree with you in saying that you have the initial thrill but are eventually left with a firm foundation of trust. I don't believe that the kind of infatuation that being ''in love'' brings with it can last forever.

Maybe you were wrong for each other. I'm not being harsh, but if you were two halves to a whole, she may have different feelings about love. She would not have felt the urge to keep finding new thrills because she would have been fully immersed in what you guys had. She wouldn't have had needed anything more.

To sum up, I believe that ''in love'' exists, up to a point, but is nowhere near as important as what you call ''standing love''. You can't build a relationship on ''in love''. It's infatuation and rose-coloured glasses. With ''standing love'' you know the other person's flaws and accept them for what they are, love them for what they are.

[shazamataz]

It all depends on what you are willing to "settle for".
It is true that most of the time the passion dies down the further into a relationship you get.
It should never go away though.

Standing love to me would be pretty much what busy_bee said... as long as you truly love the peron you are with and they love you back that's all that matters.

You have to work hard at a relationship to keep the spark and romance alive.
While love shouldn't require much attention, keeping the passion takes work. :)

[I wish]

After 9 years, you would think that the bond is very strong, but it sounds like she's been unsure of her relationship with you and just kept hanging on. I think you guys should have broken up much before the 9 year mark, because the love disappated much before. You just dragged it out.

I'm guessing that this might be your first serious relationship? It's really difficult to define the word love based on 1 relationship.

But if you want a general definition of love, I would say, it's the feeling of wanting the other person to be happy nor matter what (whether you are together or not). As for romantic love, it's the mutual feeling of wanting each other to be happy and the mutual feeling of wanting to be the person to make the other person happy.