[JeffGrizzwald]

Hello all, now before I get into it I want to let you know the situation. I'm 17 and the girl I like is 17. I met her online in a game we both play daily(I know seems lame). However I have strong feelings for her that are hard to suppress. We both live in the USA and I'm like an 8 hour flight from her. I've been reading a lot of similar questions here about this and I've finally got the courage to post that I need advice. Lets get right into it.


I play this online computer game with my friends and I met this girl through one of my friends(dude friend). She seemed very shy at first and eventually I got to know her better. We started doing some stuff together in the game(just the two of us). We used ventrillo(voice communication) to talk to each other, however there was like 5 other guys in ventrillo too. So I don't get much 1on1 time with her on vent. It's mostly through chatting. I would usually talk in vent and whenever she talked she seemed very giggly and laughing at random stuff I would say. I know that's a hint right there. However this story gets much better. So after talking with her in the video game. I eventually got her AIM so I could talk to her directly instead of in the game only. We chatted a lot more on aim and she was always really flirty. This lasted for about a week. We would talk to each other on aim, about all types of things like what kind of dream car we would drive. Our favorite songs(we like a lot of the same music) and I would tell her stories about my funny sex adventures when I was younger. Nothing extreme, just like making out on the couch and stuff. Also since our timezones are different I'm usually still online when she wakes up for school. She would get on and talk with me for 30 minutes before school. Then when she left for school I would go to sleep and talk to her later in the day, in the video game we play. Anyway, this whole flirty thing on aim lasted for about a week. At which point I wanted to tell her I liked her. So I said something along the lines of "When i first met you, i thought you were just another regular girl that enjoyed games. However once i got to know you, I noticed we like a lot of the same stuff and its really fun hanging out with you. I want you to know I like you. You seemed to be sending me a lot of signals and I just wanted to know if I was reading them right.". Something around there, I don't remember exactly what I said.

She responded back to me with something like. "Oh I don't know how to respond to that". Then I was like, "its alright I just wanted to let you know how I feel." She said she didn't want to upset me but didn't know what to say. I just was like "its alright, there is plenty of more fish in the sea I just wanted to see if you were the one I wanted to catch". Something cheesy like that, because I felt my heart had been cut with rejection. So I told her I was going to go online in the game and play. I kind of gave her the cold shoulder and just got in the game and started playing. I didn't chat with her in the game or anything I just played solo. Around 10 minutes later she sent me a message on aim. Something along the lines of "I don't know how to put this but you were reading the signals right, I do like you but I'm just to shy to admit it really but I do like you. I'm just not sure if I want an online relationship but I dunno, I've never had one before so I shouldn't really speak." I told her before that I was interested in meeting her in a year or two when we got older(19maybe). I told her we can just wait and see how it plays out. Apparently she interpreted it like "I like the idea of us being friends and just waiting until the time is right, wait and see."

Now the key point here is that. In this game she hangs out with A LOT of guys. I'm talking maybe 10+. I'm sure all the guys like her just like I do. She is really flirty with them but I don't know if she's doing it or what. She told me she's shy but what shy girl flirts with the guys. She doesn't do it in a sexy way but, I just get annoyed when she's hanging out with all these guys instead of me :l Its tough for me to not get jealous. I go out of my way to try to do things with her and get time with just us in the game but all the guys she hangs out with is in vent with us too. So its like a big drag trying to do anything alone. She told me all the people she liked one day on aim. 80% of those guys she hangs out with. She had a crush on at one point, she liked them all... and I'm like one of the guys she hangs out with. So I was thinking to myself if maybe she's just got a crush on me like she did all those other guys.

Now after she told me she liked me she kind of ignored me for a week. So I tried to ask her and figure out why. Eventually her answer to ignoring me and not talking to me much anymore was "ever since i started hanging out with you guys(me and some other new dudes she met) my old friends got really mad at me(the old friends are all guys). So I'm trying to get them to not be mad at me again." I was like well, you got me what do you need them for? She kind of evaded that one. So I was just like "alright that's cool, just don't forget about me". Then I let her mend her so called broken friendship with those dudes she hangs out with.

A few weeks later after that, I felt her drifting even farther away. I went out of my way to engage conversation with her but she would just answer like she was doing me a favor for answering. She wouldn't usually hit me back with a question. I kind of took it rough and was like "do you still like me? whats the deal here?". She said something along the lines of "I don't like anyone atm". So I was like, well you admitted to liking me a few weeks ago. What was that just some 1 week crush? She said "uhhh... yea.. i guess". Not really sure of herself but It was at least"uhh yea". I put in the "i guess" part. I was really kind of hurt by this and was like all right w/e.

A few days later trying to figure out if she doesn't like anyone anymore. I asked her on aim "Do you like me more than a friend or am I just in that friend role?". She was like "just a friend atm". I was just like.. really shocked with that one and was like all right w/e. She was like "just don't go all weird on me". I don't really know what she meant by that.

NOTE** She has only had one BF and he cheated on her, apparently it left her really heartbroken and sad. She tried an online relationship once but it never really took off the ground. I'm guessing they just admitting to liking each other then the dude turned creepo.

So present time- After realizing she doesn't like me anymore, and she probably likes one of my buds I hang out with everyday in the game. I kind of just feel in my gut she likes me but then doesn't. Its hard to explain but I really like this girl and it seems she's just a big flirt. She's got all these guys she's plays with wrapped around her finger. Yet she can't tell the only true and real one is me right here. She says she's shy and stuff but I don't know if I believe that. She no longer talks to me on aim before her school and when we talk in game I sense its just friends. I try to through out the signs I still like her, I think she notices them but doesn't respond back with something flirty like she used to. I'm not sure what to think. My heart is all twisted up and I'm stuck looking for answers. I don't want to be stuck in the friend role with this girl. Its like torture if I'll only be a friend with her. It would be even worse if I was around when she got a new BF in RL or in the game. It would hurt me deeply.

[Jake2008]

You know how when you go to a party, and everybody is having a good time, and then somebody catches your eye.

Something about them. The way they laugh, or talk. So you strike up a conversation with her and spend some time talking and dancing, and exchange phone numbers.

You talk back and forth for a week or so, and she decides that she is not as interested in you, as you are in her, even though you felt that the conversations were heading into a relationship. She did not think of the interraction as seriously as you did.

She let you know that although she liked to party with you, she didn't want an exclusive relationship. Her words were pretty clear.

So now you see her at another party, and she is flirty, and having a good time, and she's polite to you, but you cannot figure her out. How can she come across seriously interested at the last party, and at this party, she ignores you.

It's called mixed, and misinterpreted messages. The signals were received in a way that were not intended to be serious, although they seemed that way. She had no intention of furthering a relationship, and on the other hand, didn't want to lose a friend either.

So, back to the reality of the game here. The game as it stands is pretty clear. She will likely be friendly and your paths will cross within the game, with each other, and others. She is not ready to commit to any relationship at 17, especially being so far away.

I would consider yourself lucky in a way. She could have led you on, and you could have put you life on hold counting the months until you could actually go and see her.

In the environment you're in when you first stuck up a relationship outside of the game, you have to read between the lines because you can't actually see the person, in person. It is a far more difficult task to determine a person's intent that way.

On the plus side, you've dealt with heartbreak, and you've survived, and the next time around when somebody catches your eye, you'll be a little more cautious, and more careful of jumping into something too hard and too fast.

[JeffGrizzwald]

This girl still talks to me though and I still have feelings for her. It's tough feeling that I'll always just be a friend with her and nothing more.

[talaniman]

That's one of life's realities. Sometimes the one we want doesn't feel the same, so we have to get on with our life.

Suck I know but what's a guy to do. Get another girl who does feel as you do, that's what you do.

[The Dark09]

Just go up to her and talk to her.

[JudyKayTee]

just go up to her and talk to her.

Did you read the original post? "We both live in the USA and I'm like an 8 hour flight from her. "

[JeffGrizzwald]

I've come to the conclusion she's a cock tease and I fell in her trap. I do my best to ignore her now.