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cwwhale · May 13, 2009, 01:52 PM

I just found 100's of pictures of random women's bodies in my husbands email. He has been taking them over the last year on his cell phone and keeping them. I confronted him and he admitted it is been an addiction and has been trying to help his lack of sex drive. I am so confused and don't know what to do now? Help- we have always had a good solid marriage- I thought. What should I do next?

Xrayman · May 13, 2009, 03:43 PM

It may be an addiction, but keeping them will not help him. Would you give a bottle of alcohol to an alcoholic to "fix" him??

Anyway, regardless of godd/bad marriage, an addiction may or may not change that status-it depends.

Ok here is the deal, he needs to stop taking pictures of women -this is illegal without consent in MOST places. Morally it is worse-and it is fuelling his addiction.

This will not help his lack of sex drive either. What he means is that it is arousing him due to his addiction.

He needs some distraction-sport, reading a book, going to church?? I don't know.

Whatever is the better "addiction", but this phone business is going to do real harm to you and him and maybe have a legal impact on the two of you-he needs to curb it-then stop.

liz28 · May 13, 2009, 04:08 PM

Your husband needs counseling. Some people can't just kick the habit without it.

This is the reason why I sort of don't like camera phones because some people uses it for bad purposes.

Look into counseling or maybe a support group. I think support groups are good and it can help a lot. Even marriage counseling might be in order for the two of you.

Btw, erase the photos! This is the first step.

smoothy · May 13, 2009, 04:49 PM

You need to clarify this question. Because your statement wasn't clear.

As email is involved are these pictures that were just forwarded to him by other guys, or are these all women he was actually coresponding with over time.

Makes a huge difference there.

If he was conversing with all these women there really is an issue. If they are nameless photos of people he doesn't know from jack you can get off the internet then what's the issue? All NORMAL guys like to see naked women... we are all wired that way, those that don't are either gay or asexual.

Xrayman · May 13, 2009, 06:05 PM

Smoothy, the poster said

He has been taking them over the last year on his cell phone and keeping them.

So it does not appear an email issue, just on his mobile phone only-a little bit creepy for mine...

letmetellu · May 13, 2009, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by cwwhale

I just found 100's of pictures of random womens bodies in my husbands email. He has been taking them over the last year on his cell phone and keeping them. I confronted him and he admitted it is been an addiction and has been trying to help his lack of sex drive. I am so confused and dont know what to do now? Help- we have always had a good solid marriage- I thought. What should I do next?

Maybe he does not think he is really doing anything wrong and the reason that he feel like he has to hide them is because you are always nagging his a$$, and he is tired of it.

It is very possible that him getting and having these pictures does cause him to have hard feelings, if so this should make you happy to have a hard one around.

Gemini54 · May 13, 2009, 10:45 PM

Hundreds of pictures of random women taken with his cell phone??

Firstly, if he has been taking pictures of women out in public with his phone then this could potentially be an invasion of their privacy.

Secondly, this sort of behavior is compulsive.

Thirdly, he knows it's wrong because he has been hiding it from you.

Fourthly, he needs help now. Don't let him make excuses, ask him to delete the photos and go and see a counsellor that has experience in compulsive behaviors.

The sooner you both deal with it the better.

shazamataz · May 14, 2009, 03:52 AM

Buy him a phone that does not have a camera.

Get him to see a counselor.

If he refuses, time to get out, if he can't help himself, you can't help him either.

He has shown you no repect by hiding this from you instead of confronting you about his "lack of sex drive" which by the way is utter crap. I think he has an overactive sex drive and needs to get his 'fix' perving on other women.

bronzebabe · May 14, 2009, 04:54 AM

I agree this is a problem. Ask him if he is willing to get help. If he isn't then, you have to decide what to do, based on what is best for you. Good luck!

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 05:18 AM

Originally Posted by Xrayman

smoothy, the poster said

so it does not appear an email issue, just on his mobile phone only-a little bit creepy for mine....

Yes but they opened with

Originally Posted by cwwhale

I just found 100's of pictures of random womens bodies in my husbands email.

Now if he was taking spy shots with his cell phone that's a bit odd... if like I read based on the opening statement then it might not be.

That's why I was asking for clarification.

And how did she confirm he was talking with them? Phone records, his own admission, or was it just an assumption?

Catsmine · May 14, 2009, 06:58 AM

If he eventually gets a shot of someone famous, he will ELEVATE his status to paparazzi.
Right now he's just a perv. Spying is a crime in most places, cameraphone to email is evidence.

If you can't get him to stop, cw, you need to get away before you BOTH get arrested.

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by Catsmine

If he eventually gets a shot of someone famous, he will ELEVATE his status to paparazzi.
Right now he's just a perv. Spying is a crime in most places, cameraphone to email is evidence.

If you can't get him to stop, cw, you need to get away before you BOTH get arrested.

Photos taken in public places are not spying... and not illegal at all. Assuming we aren't talking upskirt photos, or photos taken peeping in windows. There is no implicit right to privacy out in public. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor.

Depending on exact circumstances here it can be either perfectly acceptable... or very unacceptible. And thus far the original poster has NOT clarified or even answered any of the questions we have posted.

trulytrying · May 14, 2009, 10:50 AM

Dear cw
Your heart must be broken. I'm so sorry. It's so scary that we can be so close to someone and not really know them at all.
If it were me--I'd leave. That's a deal breaker in my mind.
Easier said that done though. I wish you the best.

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 12:15 PM

Pehaps women who carry dozens of photos in their purses are perverts? Perhaps all avid photographers are perverts as well. Perhaps women who complain all the time should just be dumped on principle... after all, why care about whatever excuse they have, its how someone else clains it is that matters. And after all we know women never, ever jump the gun, make incorect assumptions based on their own insecurities and prejudices... (or guys too) .

THe original poster contradicts herself saying it was in email then that it was on his cell phone... well which is it? She hasn't been back to comment... I'm beginning to question if it wasn't a woman with issues being a troll. Because IF she has been back, she is afraid to or unwilling to answer the questions posed. Because you know what, based on THAT alone the guy deserves the benefit of the doubt until SHE starts answering questions about her contradictory information. And she has not made even ONE other post at this point.

liz28 · May 14, 2009, 12:29 PM

It seems like the OP is saying her husband took hundreds of photos on his camera phone then sent the photos to his email address. I can do this with my cellphone.

Taking pictures of photos without their permission is wrong. I wouldn't want someone I don't know snapping a photo of me and then keeping it adding it to his treasure chest of photos. I don't even know people that does it but I know if I found out my fiancé was doing this it would have been a big red flag.

Catsmine your funny! Hehe

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

It seems like the OP is saying her husband took hundreds of photos on his camera phone then sent the photos to his email address. I can do this with my cellphone.

Taking pictures of photos without their permission is wrong. I wouldn't want someone I don't know snapping a photo of me and then keeping it adding it to his treasure chest of photos. I don't even know people that does it but I know if I found out my fiance was doing this it would have been a big red flag.

Catsmine your funny! hehe

That's not what she said... and she hasn't been back to verify that either way... I'm convinced she's another woman with personal issues trying to project onto others... and blame the others for her shortcomings.

THe only red flag I see is another women with self esteme issues blaming her own personal problems on pictures of other women.

Personally if the poor guy had to put up with that sort of crap what else is she doing to him... hell I can almost empathize with the guy if he really does turn out to be cheating. Hell, any guy that has to deal with that long enough is either going to cheat... knock her upside the head out of frustration, or file for divorce.

If it was a guy doing this to a woman the women would be crying abuse...

Justwantfair · May 14, 2009, 12:46 PM

Is he sleeping with or propositioning women to pose nude for him?

Is he a peeping tom to get and collect photographs of naked women?

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 12:53 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Is he sleeping with or propositioning women to pose nude for him?

Is he a peeping tom to get and collect photographs of naked women?

Oh, peeping Tom stuff isn't cool... we have no indications that these aren't randomn amateur photos posted on the internet (I can find thousands in a matter of minutes... they are easy to find)... with a paraonoid female thinking in her own mind he somehow knows and is conversing with every one...

Like I said... the OP has ONLY this one post here and hasn't even responded to it once. I smell a troll.

88sunflower · May 14, 2009, 12:55 PM

Well first of all I would delete them all! Find out who these woman are and how he got the pictures. Honestly I feel he is betraying you. If he needs arousal, get Viagara. You don't look at other woman secretly. There is plenty of ED medications out there to help him. If he is not willing I would suggest moving on.

smoothy · May 14, 2009, 01:07 PM

How about she deal with her issues first. Aftrer all why does she get to make accusations against him... yet she gets the benefit of the doubt and not him?

Ever hear of the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

I've seen too many irrational women who freak out if he even looks at another woman... yet they feel they are entitled to do anything they wish.

Sorry, but what's good got the goose is good for the gander.

Until the troll dishes out some facts... I'M convinced its not a serious post. If she was really concerned and this was on the level she would have answered before now.