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    AsHrAe's Avatar
    AsHrAe Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 11, 2009, 10:50 AM
    Hang with the ex, or tell him to go to hell?
    Ohkay, here is my dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been together for a month yesterday. Yesterday my ex calls me and wants to hang out with me. This guy and I have been through hell and high waters for each other and were together for a while. I met my current boyfriend on our 8th month anniversary, the day that I said "screw this, i have to get out of the house and do something." My ex wants to hang out and "catch up" and I'm ohkay with catching up, and I made it plainly clear that I had a boyfriend and that nothing is going to happen between us, but I really did love this guy and YES I do still have some kind of feelings for him, however. I'm not sure if they are "in love" feelings or just the fact that I have love for him. I haven't been with my current boyfriend long enough to say that I love him, but I know that there are some major feelings there. I just don't know, what would you do in my situation? I mean I have love for both of these guys but I can't have both, nor do I want both... what would you do? Would you hang out with the ex or tell him no?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    May 11, 2009, 01:22 PM

    I would tell him no for the simple fact that if your current boyfriend found out he would probably feel betrayed, cheated on and that he couldn't trust you.
    Nestorian's Avatar
    Nestorian Posts: 978, Reputation: 152
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    #3

    May 11, 2009, 01:49 PM

    HOw long did you spend alone before starting a relationship with the new guy?

    If you didn't spend at least 6-8 months alone, you are too emotionally confused to deal with hanging out with some one you know you felt you were in love with, and that you still love. As you don't know about this new guy, it's too easy to fall into old habits.

    Until you give yourself space and figure yourself out, you'll always be looking for that feeling of connection. Unfortunately, you won't find it, until you have found yourself.

    Do you know who you are? Love yourself? Respect yourself? Forgive yourself? Can you truly say that you are being yourself?

    If not, then you may not be ready for this or any relationship just yet. Then again, some times we have to make mistakes before we can appreiciate the value of the lesson we must learn.

    It's up to you, and you'd be wise to keep your own counsel on this one. Good luck, and may peace and kindness be with you.
    AsHrAe's Avatar
    AsHrAe Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Sep 3, 2009, 07:44 AM

    OHK; here is an update. The ex and I aren't even friends anymore. I lost all respect for him. Ewh! Anyway, the "new" boyfriend mentioned above is now the Fiancé and we are getting married July 20, 2010 and we are possibly expecting our frist child :) not sure yet though! Thanks for you're help above I apprecitate it!
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #5

    Sep 3, 2009, 07:53 AM

    I hope you will be very happy together.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
    		  
    #6

    Sep 3, 2009, 02:47 PM
    A pregnancy scare tends to speed things up, and make things kind of clear. So now your engaged, and its been what, 7 months???

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/high-s...ts-347957.html

    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-360575-2.html

    Slow down and do some thinking.
    paxe's Avatar
    paxe Posts: 793, Reputation: 158
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    #7

    Sep 3, 2009, 07:20 PM

    I agree with Talaniman, you're being way too fast on this one.
    AsHrAe's Avatar
    AsHrAe Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #8

    Sep 4, 2009, 09:12 AM

    Actually we are being quite reasonable. Our wedding isn't until next year. Sorry if you all don't agree but we do and so do our families so therefore we are getting married next July. Thank you to the people who support! :)
    Ash
    Nestorian's Avatar
    Nestorian Posts: 978, Reputation: 152
    Senior Member
    		  
    #9

    Sep 4, 2009, 08:09 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by AsHrAe View Post
    Actually we are being quite reasonable. our wedding isnt until next year. sorry if you all dont agree but we do and so do our families so therefore we are getting married next july. thank you to the people who support! :)
    Ash
    THe only support we truly get is that of our own. Try to remember that when you're alone.



















    A baby is not a reason to get married. And marriage is just a celebration, and a piece of paper that mean just that. Only love and connection are important.















    Funny thing is, we live our entire lives within the confines of our own minds, thus we are always alone... Be kind to yourself, and have faith in yourself. For if you can't trust yourself, then can you trust yourself to put your trust in others? :rolleyes: Then again, "We often meet our destiney on the path we would take to avoid it." - MAster Oog Way. Kung fu Panda. (haha, yes, I did just quote a turtle.)

    PEace and kindness.
    Riot's Avatar
    Riot Posts: 130, Reputation: 29
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    #10

    Sep 5, 2009, 03:03 AM

    You make a good point Nestorian...
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