[drea46750]

I have been with my fiancé for over six years. He knows that I am against strip clubs, as do his friends and brothers. He told me that he wasn't going to a strip club and that he really didn't want to. He is 28 and only been to one 3 times. It's not really his thing. His brothers and friends are trying to take him to one. They keep pushing the issue and it has been causing arguments between me and my fiancé. His brother is trying to convince me that all guys go to them and I am trying to control him. Do I go against my beliefs and let them do whatever? I know that if he goes, I will be thinking about that all night and it will just cause more problems. This is the last thing that we need right before our wedding. I found out that his oldest brother is going to get him drunk and take him to one since he won't be able to drive himself. I know some people are okay with this, but I am not one of those people. He wouldn't want me going to a dance club and dancing with a guy, so why would I be okay with him going and getting lap dances?

[drea46750]

That's so funny, I meant bachlor party!

[IWHO]

Do you trust your finance?

If so, let HIM make this decision... this and many other things to come will be decided based on your trust and admiration for each other... if the situation was reversed, and YOUR friends wanted to take YOU to a male strip club, but you didn't really want to go, would you want your finance to make that call, or you? TRUST HIM!

If you cannot trust the man you are about to marry, that's a whole other issue...

Walk up to him, put your arms around him, kiss him, wink at him, and tell him you love him, you trust him, and this is HIS decision... that alone will help him to 1. Be a man in front of his friends and 2. Realize how much HE loves YOU...

[friend4u178]

If you don't trust him then you shouldn't be marrying him.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, they don't have sex at the strip clubs, and to be honest most of the girls there, well there is a reason they keep the lights down.

So some 1/2 naked girls walk around and wiggle it at him a couple tiimes.

If you can't trust him, you don't need to marry at all, he could get into more trouble at walmart meeting some 1/2 naked girl there.

[nicolerocks711]

Personally I would hate the whole idea as well. He should only want to see you naked!

[ScottGem]

I suggest you look inward and try and figure out WHY you don't want him to go. Is it because he doesn't want to? Or is it because you think he is going to be corrupted by it, or what?

If its because he doesn't want to, then you should support him in standing up to his brothers! If its because you think he will be corrupted you need to trust him more.

You have been with this guy for 6 years. He has committed to marrying you. That isn't going to change because he goes to a strip club.

[Gemini54]

Why is this such a big issue for you? Why does it bother you so much?

It's not the strip club that's the problem, I think, but your reaction to it.

In the end it's his choice - not yours. You can't control him, although obviously you would like to. Lighten up and give the poor guy a break - you're not his mother or his keeper.

Try and see the situation objectively - this isn't usual behavior for him, it's his buck's party, it's traditional and his brothers and friends want to do it. What's the harm?

Try and see this as a test for the rest of your marriage. There will be many things that you won't agree on and that you will have to compromise on. You may also find that there are time that you will not get your own way and you'll have to accept this graciously with love and trust.

Give in with graciousness and love - he'll probably hate it anyway!

[friend4u178]

personally i would hate the whole idea as well. he should only want to see you naked!

Doesn't matter where you get your appetite , as long as you only eat at home!

[nicolerocks711]

I would personally would hate it and be 100% against it as well. If he is against it as well, ask him if his friends would just take him out to eat or even a bar if they want to drink. I don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

[chuff]

this is the last thing that we need right before our wedding.

I'm almost speechless. Luckily, it's almost. You don't trust your boyfriend of 6 years to have one a right of passage that his family and friends want to offer him and you then have the nerve to say this is the last thing WE need before he makes a lifetime commitment to you. Get over yourself. This has nothing to do with WE, and everything to do with you. To imply anything else is insulting, and speaks volumes about your lack of respect to the readers and the guy that wants to put up with this behavior. How selfish of you, to take away something that his brothers and friends want to give him because he might see another girls boobs. Oh no, boobs. What, do you think after his brouther's and friends drop $50.00 on a stripper he's suddenly going to think, "Oh my God, she's got boobs, I'm calling off the wedding." A relationship is about two people, not about your controlling his life especially over an hour or two. Maybe you well he's out with the guys, you can spend that time thinking about how you can start to respect and trust someone who's already invested 6 years with you, and offered to do it forever. He deserves the consideration.

[chuff]

i don't know why it has become acceptable to see girls 1/2 (or fully naked) like it's like seeing a bird out your window, it's not normal!

Ahhh, hmmm. This has actually been normal for thousands of years.

[nicolerocks711]

Then how come I don't see guys like that out my window, hmm?

[chuff]

then how come i don't see guys like that out my window, hmm?

Maybe there's nothing in the window to look at?

Sorry couldn't resist.

Why would guys be outside your window?

[Alty]

Female point of view here.

Why is this such a big deal, that's the question I have.

He's going to the strippers, you know he's going to the strippers, he's not going alone to the strippers, what do you think is going to happen?

My husband had a bachelor party at home, his friends hired a stripper, she came, she did her thing then they all pitched together to give him one last big hurray before marriage. Yes, what you're thinking is correct, they paid for her to have sex with him. He didn't.

I was furious, even though he didn't do anything with her I was mad that our friends could even think to do something like that to me.

The thing is, my husband didn't hide it from me. He was honest, told me exactly what happened and I trust him enough to believe him.

If I had to do it all over again would I insist that no strippers be involved in the bachelor party? Heck no. I trust him, I know he'd never cheat on me, he'd never even think about it, besides, I have a gun and a shovel, he wouldn't dare (humor, humor, jeesh).

So the question is, do you trust the man you're going to marry or don't you?

If there's no trust then all you're having is a wedding, not a marriage.

Good luck.

[chuff]

My husband had a bachelor party at home, his friends hired a stripper, she came, she did her thing then they all pitched together to give him one last big hurray before marriage. Yes, what you're thinking is correct, they paid for her to have sex with him.

That was not a stripper, that was a prostitute.

Also, did she leave a card... just curious.

[Alty]

That was not a stripper, that was a prostitute.

Also, did she leave a card.....just curious.

Stripper/prostitute, she multi tasks. Heck her dad was her manager/pimp.

One of the guys at the bachelor party worked with the dad, knew him and the daughter. Turns out, a few years ago, the father had a sex change. He didn't like getting a mere cut of his daughters earnings, wanted the big money for himself, or is it herself?

As for the card, I'll ask hubby. :)

Maybe you can get a two for one deal, daughter and father/mother. :D

[artlady]

Everyone is so open but I don't like the idea of my man eying some half naked chick and getting a bone that belongs to me!
No! Not going to happen!
You can say that is insecurity till the cows come home,what it is to me is no woman is going to give my man a hardie but me!

[chuff]

Stripper/prostitute, she multi tasks. Heck her dad was her manager/pimp.

Well this was one family with no issues what so ever.

Turns out, a few years ago, the father had a sex change.

Huh? So there may have been some minor issues after all.

[nikosmom]

As everyone else has already mentioned trust is key. You don't trust him after all this time?

There are always going to be other women no matter where he goes. Temptation is around every corner. He works with other women. Other women shop at the same stores. Pump gas at the same gas stations. They all have boobs and vaginas.

Bottom line is that you can't keep him in a bubble thinking he's never going to be around another woman other than you. You just have to believe that he will be coming home to you because it's you that he's committed to.

Has something happened in the relationship to feed into your insecurity? :confused:

But I'll say this much... I can't say I know of any men that find "nagging" and "controlling" as attractive personality traits. Just saying.

Good luck