[lostcause]

I have a problem with sexual attraction for my girlfriends. I have had numerous girlfriends in the past few years, and this ALWAYS happens:

After about 6 months or so of being with a girl, I nearly completely lose sexual attraction for her. The sex is great for awhile, but then she just doesn't turn me on anymore. All of my girlfriends have been some of the most gorgeous women in the world too (not to brag, but to paint a clear picture).

I am currently with a great girl... marriage material. She is damn near perfect in every other sense, but the sexual attraction isn't there anymore. I am beginning to wonder if I should never get married because it won't be fair to my woman or is this a common thing or *** is going on?

Thoughts?

Thanks.

[talaniman]

Is that all you look for in a relationship? You could try a lot more talking and putting sex on a back burner for later on. Just a question, How long does it take to get these women in the sack after you meet them? I ask because it sounds like the kind of female has a lot to do with the lack of attraction.

[Skell]

You are probaby basing the initial part of your relationship with these women on sex. Not good. You should always get to know them mentally ebfore rushing into sex in my opinion. Make them wait. It will better when it does happen as well.

You just sound as though you meet them, bed them, have fun for a while and that's all it is.

Do you really know these women?

[J_9]

I agree with everyone here. It seems as though you make sex casual rather than special.

Remember that sex is not always intercourse. Sex, at least in ly opinion, is attraction, teasing, having fun with. Sex is such a common term these days, but actually represents a very broad range of emotions and feelings.

[s_cianci]

I agree with the other posters. A relationship that's based strictly on sex may be easy to establish initially but it gets old just as fast. Then you're left with nothing.

[J_9]

There you go. Sex is based on the physical while a relationship is based on the emotional, intellectual, as well as the physical.

You cannot have a relationship if you focus on the physical. It is just not possible.

[lostcause]

I can understand how you all interpret my post in the way that you did. But, your assumptions are incorrect. I have waited for up to 8 months after dating a woman to have sex, but the relationship had the same result. My current girl and I waited for a few months. I have an IMMENSE intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and soulful relationship with her, but I am losing sexual attraction for her. In fact it is only the deep connection that we share on these other levels that is keeping us together right now.

J_9... you are correct... you cannot have a successful relationship if you focus only on the physical attributes of that relationship, but don't you agree that the physical, sexual components of a relationship are indeed healthy and necessary?

Sex is definitely not all I look for in a relationship, nor is it what I base my relationships on. However, it is a requirement for a healthy relationship, and for me this attraction always fades with time. My eyes begin to wander, etc. although I have never cheated...

[J_9]

J_9...you are correct...you cannot have a successful relationship if you focus only on the physical attributes of that relationship, but don't you agree that the physical, sexual components of a relationship are indeed healthy and necessary?

Yes, this is necessary, if you have studied psychology at all (maybe you have) it is all a part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

However, losing sexual attaction may have more to do with the fact that you have gotten comfortable with your partner.

The "excitement" does wain after a period. You have gotten used to her looks as well as what she does for you. This is more or less settling into your relationship.

If you focus on the looks alone, which it really does seem that is what you are doing whether you realize it or not, you will never stay in a permanent relationship. I understand you have been with women for a while, I believe I read 8 months but correct me if I am wrong, but if we read between your lines it really seems like you are focusing more on the physical.

Let the natural and spiritual that you mention bring you closer as a couple then attraction can come back, but it will be a totally different kind of attraction.

[J_9]

Ouch, was the disagree that necessary?

You are right, maybe I do not understand, you could have posted as such. However, others have agreed with my thoughts.

It is just that it seems this is how you feel. Did you not read the above post completely? I asked that you correct me if I were wrong, not that you disagree with me for my thoughts. I don't know you and I don't know her, all I can go by is what you type.

[Presleygall85]

Have you tried spicing up the sex life by trying new things maybe you thought you would never try? I know it sounds bad but maybe you have a fetish that you don't know of yet... or maybe don't have sex at all and just enjoy each other?

[sumler]

May be you should really take a look in the mirror and ask yourself is there something wrong with me? Just maybe there something that you don't want to face in your life.

[talaniman]

Okay the physical is not there . What feelings are? Ever think that maybe your not ready for a long term relationship even though you may want one? Maybe a professional is what you need . Just something to consider.

[Skell]

Although you say otherwise perhaps there isn't much else there other than the initial physical attraction and connection.
Im not saying that you don't also have emotional, mental, spiritual etc connection with these women but maybe the strongest connection is physically and when that starts to subside, which invariably it almost always will, the other connections fall away as well.

Do you think that the physical connection is the strongest connection you have with these women initially and the other connections just come along for the ride and when physical leaves there is nothing left?

Just a question for you to ponder!

[askaround]

Lost cause -
I think people on here are not really listening (uh... reading) very closly or openly. I'm a woman and I've had the same problem you have. It's an issue for me too and that's how I found your post. I definitely know that it's not because my relationships are based primarily on looks or sexual attraction. (Not that I'm not with a good-looking guy... I am).
The only thing I can say is that maybe you are wired so that (relative) novelty is something that is sexually attractive. It's so mysterious what turns people on... some people are turned on by shoes... why not novelty? Also, many people think that humans weren't necessarily designed for monagamy. Personally, I really like a lot of what monagamy has to offer and plan to stick with it... but I understand your predicament and I think it's cool that you are honest with yourself about it. The only suggestions I have are to try to be creative - fantasy, tantra, etc... or maybe consider whether you really want to stick with one woman. Maybe you shouldn't get married until you've found some clarity for yourself in this area.
But in general, I defintely don't think you're weird or wrong in this area. I'd bet it's a lot more common than the answers you've gotten so far would suggest.

Best wishes.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I think it has a lot to do with experimentation. When you have explored and need not explore any more, then instead of becoming bored with the routine that this guy suggests is the case, the interest level is kept alive when you find yourself with one partner you truly care for and you both share intamacy on a whole new level.

Looks are an important element of attraction, but it takes far more than this to keep the intamacy alive.

This poster probably has not reached the stage where he has fully gotten out of his system the varierty that experimenting offers..

I may be wrong though!

[Geoffersonairplane]

Just realised that this post is quite old!