View Poll Results: What has been the most effective factor in helping you cope during no contact?

Lonelyandbroken · May 8, 2009, 09:23 AM

Comments to the thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-510425.html

Yeah man I'm with you. I'm fighting so hard to not contact her. I know it would prob only get me hurt. But it's so very hard. So hard to not reach out for someone you cared and spent so much time with.

mallorym · May 8, 2009, 09:56 AM

Remember. The less you do, the more power you have over the situation!

It's what I keep telling myself, anyway :)

88sunflower · May 8, 2009, 10:27 AM

Its so hard isn't it. Especially when you still feel so much love. But maybe when you get the urge you could just sit down and write it out. Write down whatever it is that you would say and sit back and read it. Maybe that in black and white will help paint the picture more clear to move on and stick with NC. Because sometimes our thoughts when we are down are kind of crazy and reading it back might help us think whoa slow down!

kctiger · May 8, 2009, 10:32 AM

Here is a NC story... look at my first threads as I came on here. I was a freaking BABY! A mess, seriously. Anf I will be the first one to tell you, I usually don't get like that.

Now, look at how I handle myself. I had reached a fairly new low, and I am happier than I have ever been now. So the story goes for everyone who goes through this and makes it. You have to know that we have all been here before and we are only telling you what to do because we have experienced it before.

The path to reformation is a long one, but believe me (and I am not the only example on this board) it is well worth it... WELL WORTH IT.

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2009, 10:34 AM

No contact definitely gave me the light at the end of the tunnel, just read my story, KC and ISneezeFunny and you will see how far NC can actually take you.

Kc, I remember when you first came on here. I thought you just like the punishment of her kicking you in the balls

kctiger · May 8, 2009, 10:35 AM

She had my balls for a long time indeed. I forgot what it was like to be a man... those days have come and gone.

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2009, 10:37 AM

Yep, exactly! You have come a very very long way

mallorym · May 8, 2009, 10:38 AM

Rome, I'm interested in hearing about your NC story. Link, perhaps?

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2009, 10:40 AM

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward

Triysle · May 8, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward

It's always hard to ask for help, and it's even harder to be honest enough to admit the mistakes that we've made. I am very thankful for the help I've gotten in just the few days that I've been here.

Isn't it kinda funny though...reading other people's questions and applying my own opinions and advice has actually helped me get through all this faster. It's a really good thing to have a supportive community, even if we never see each other face to face!

K enough mooshy gooshy talk!

~ Tee

NWN · May 8, 2009, 11:27 AM

I'm really determined to get over this by going no contact but I unfortunately have to live with the fact that I will have to see him on a regular basis and it's making it so much harder. There is no way to cut him out of my life completely and I'm not sure how I can get him out of my head if I have to keep seeing him. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to see him...

Romefalls19 · May 8, 2009, 11:30 AM

It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiancé and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected

NWN · May 8, 2009, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiance and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected

This is exactly what I'm wondering, if I have to see him on a regular basis will I still get over him with time or does it make it practically impossible. It gets discouraging to think that I'm doing all this but that ultimately it's useless unless I move to another country :)... or at least town. I should go and read your story Rome, might encourage me on the seeing him all the time thing...

none12345 · May 8, 2009, 02:45 PM

Think about how horrible you have been treated and how you so did not deserve it. =P that might work for some people

I wish · May 9, 2009, 07:02 AM

Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.

By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're losing feelings for the other person.

It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.

Lonelyandbroken · May 9, 2009, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.

By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're loosing feelings for the other person.

It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.

I think you get better and quicker at going into NC.

My first real true love we where together for 3.5 years and it was a really really messy break up. Best friend backstabbing etc. But I would torture myself looking at her IM away messages looking for any tidbit of info. And I got hurt a lot by the dumbest crap. I'd drive through town and see her car At peoples houses that she said she would never go to etc. I really put myself though the ringer.

With the most recent I knew what I had to do. And I started good. Then I had one incident cut ties and have been forcing myself to continue NC. It sucks it's a roller coaster and sometimes I even feel guilty if I have a decent day.

makapuu · May 9, 2009, 08:47 AM

I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.

If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.

none12345 · May 9, 2009, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by makapuu

I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.

If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.

I agree friends do help on the healing process a lot!

I wish · May 22, 2009, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

i agree friends do help on the healing process alot!

I want to second this. Friends and close family members can really help with the no contact. They help us channel our energy towards something else. Helps us with distractions.

naturallydelici · May 22, 2009, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

I've been on an off NC for the past few months, but as you know, every time you contact them again, the healing resets.

Tell me about it.. I didn't know about NC, really, and managed to drag my break-up out over a period of four months. Maybe it's that trial run thing. I think the worst part is, maybe we could have been friends, in time, but now there's so much pain there, I'm not sure I wouldn't just flat-out drop to the ground and curl up in a ball if I ever saw her again.

Oh, and the torturing ourselves. Tell me about it... What's up with that..

View Poll Results: What has been the most effective factor in helping you cope during no contact?

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