Check out some similar questions!

kiri · May 6, 2009, 05:03 PM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year we are into each other we even talk about marriage.four months ago I got laid off but I told my boyfriend that I quit my job and that I am going to focus on school the truth is that I have been looking for a job but never mentioned it to my boyfriend ,recently I was short on money so I asked him to help me out with money ,he asked me why don't I ask my sister to pitch in he pays half and she pays half ,I didn't like his answer so I ended the conversation on the phone the next day he text me saying that he is going to send me the money ,so I thanked him later on when we talked on the phone he started asking many questions : why I don't want to ask my sister for help ? If I was actively looking for a job ?what am I planning to do after?? To top it off he told me that I rely on people to support me ,I got really mad ,and told him that I don't want his money that I am not taking it he said he is willing to help me but he has the right to ask questions he needs some explanations...
I felt hurt and worthless..
I mean if he can't stand by me when I need him what's the point
My mind is telling me to leave him but my heart is bleeding because I have feelings for him I don't know what to do?

p.s:he lives in another state but we visit each other every now and then ,he rented a houseboat for my birthday which is coming up so we are supposed to spend a week together I just don't know how I am going to spend it with him when I am mad at him.

Thanks

ajGambino · May 6, 2009, 05:18 PM

You need to be honest with him, keeping things from him only brings more problems for the both of you. I know he's suppose to take care of you, but you're in the lines of him taking care of a child. You're acting like a baby about this whole mess when YOU'RE the one lying and keeping things from him.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe he has the right to be asking questions and needing explanations... it is his money after all. I don't think you should leave him just because he won't give up his money no questions asked. That sounds absurd. Grow up and be responsible for yourself, you're NOT a trophy girlfriend.

Triysle · May 6, 2009, 05:22 PM

He does have a right to ask you. He wants to make sure that you aren't using him...and honestly, it sounds like you think you are entitled to his money for some reason.

I understand that you want him to trust you, but you need to accept your own level of responsibility here. I don't know what amount of money you were asking for, but really it doesn't matter.

You really shouldn't be upset with him, especially if he still sent you the money after you got upset with him. He cares, or he wouldn't be making an effort.

~ Tee

Wondergirl · May 6, 2009, 05:34 PM

Cheap boyfriend? No, lying girlfriend. I wonder how he will spend a week on a houseboat with you after he finds out about you.

nikosmom · May 6, 2009, 05:35 PM

From what you said, it didn't sound like he was asking questions to make you feel 'worthless', it seemed like he was asking out of genuine concern. Seemed like he was trying to offer solutions.

The reality is he'd already offered to help you but he has a right to know if you're going to expect his help in the coming months or if you have a plan in place.

You may need to eat a slice of humble pie and tell him the real deal.

Now I'm going to be honest with you: it didn't seem very responsible to quit a job without having another lined up. Given the way the economy is today, it's wise to keep your options open. It's great that you want to go back to school but you have to a plan in place before making such hasty decisions.

It seems like he is standing by you while you're in a tough spot. You don't have a right to be angry at him. There's no rule that says just because he's your boyfriend that he has to help you with your rent and/or living expenses. Be grateful that he's not only helping you out financially, but also for the fact that he cares enough to take an interest in your future.

Romefalls19 · May 6, 2009, 05:51 PM

Umm, you really need to get over yourself. I'm taking off the gloves here

1. You don't have a job, and are asking for money so no, you don't support yourself
2. You asked him for money, got mad when he didn't give it to you, last time I checked your boyfriends name isn't ATM
3. I am all for supporting your spouse, but you demand it and expect it.
4. He has every dam right to wonder what HIS money is being spent for. You either answer the questions or don't get the money
5. You are ungrateful and spoiled, get over yourself! Yes I said it AGAIN

liz28 · May 6, 2009, 06:02 PM

Your boyfriend isn't cheap you should be happy to have a guy like him because there aren't many left.

He questions you about you getting a job and you gets mad and wondering why he is all up in your business?

Then you try to flip it by saying he is made you feel worthless, how and where? He didn't put you down and I bet his tone was very caring.

Shame on you for being selfish. I wonder what you would have said and done if the shoe were on the other foot.

Btw, you can work and go to school. I did both with a child. Hopefully you would find a job soon, like yesterday, so you won't have to ask someone for money.

Silverfoxkit · May 6, 2009, 06:25 PM

Like everyone else had said, he is not the one at fault, you are. You may not want to hear it but it's the truth.

A "cheap boyfriend" would have said tough luck and left you penniless. He is under no obligation to have given you anything at all. Whenever it comes to the point where you have to start asking him for money it is very much within his rights to ask.

You should really just come clean. Tell the truth and if he isn't too angry, which he does have the right to be for being lied to, he may be able to help you find a job.

chuff · May 6, 2009, 07:43 PM

What a great boyfriend you have, I wish I had a girlfriend that would give me money so I didn't have to work.

After reading your post and the "nerve" it took him to ask what you were going to spend his money on, I have to suggest that you might think about following through and letting him go, so that a woman who actually thinks about him and not herself could be with him. He certainly is giving, and as such deserves better then he's got.

Gemini54 · May 6, 2009, 07:56 PM

Well, not much more that I can add to the well expressed responses to your question.

I only have one thing to add, which I say in the nicest possible way.

... Grow Up.

talaniman · May 7, 2009, 09:22 AM

I mean if he can't stand by me when I need him what's the point

Its easier to stand by, and understand a partner who is honest, and upfront.

If you feel bad because he asks questions, its because you don't want to answer them.

I wish · May 7, 2009, 09:41 AM

1) He's your boyfriend
2) He's lending you money
3) He's worried about you

I think he has the right to ask questions. What do you expect? To keep lying to him? Pretend that you are going back to school but you are actually looking for a job?

Sounds more like you are scared of him than him being cheap. If he was cheap, he wouldn't have lent you any money in the first place.

chuff · May 7, 2009, 09:51 AM

Can you imagine if every question on this board was like this? I've got a boyfriend who loves me enough to help me out and is asking questions about my welfare? Instead it's usually my boyfriend dumped me and I don't know why or he's making me get an abortion. Here's a guy that most women would be paying for and he's offering her money and she's PO'ed about it.

alfamale · May 7, 2009, 10:04 AM

To be honest I believe that you should probably give him some slack, considering that you have not been completely honest with him. I know it was not a big lie but it is a lie at the least. He is also willing to give you the money and do special things for you ( your b-day ). Of course questions will arise when you ask him about money but the fact is he is helping you. Maybe you should reconsider your feelings.

liz28 · May 7, 2009, 10:18 AM

To sum things up for you your boyfriend isn't cheap at all.

When I read your title of your thread I thought it was going be completely different than what you wrote.

kiri · May 7, 2009, 01:14 PM

:)thanks

Survivor07 · May 7, 2009, 02:54 PM

Am I missing something? Why would you lie about getting laid off from your job? It's happening to people everywhere? Why the lie?

Also, a cheap boyfriend does not rent a houseboat FOR A WEEK for their girl's birthday.

When my boyfriend and I went away for the weekend, I paid half. I insisted. We both have bills to pay and our own kids to raise. There's no reason to expect my boyfriend to foot the bill for everything!

I hope I would never have to ask my boyfriend for money (can't imagine that). But, if I did, I'd answer anything he wanted to know---honestly.

Cheap boyfriend... NO.

Needy, lying girlfriend who expects too much... YES.

Have some pride. Be independent. It feels great!