[MrScary]

My whole of 42 years I've avoided work and responsibility.I managed to stay alive at the expense of others.
My work history is a joke at best but worse is I'm a good musician who never used his talent.I'm fatalistcally lazy and shiftless(depression worsens this).What am I getting at?Im miserable living with my mentally I'll mother-I'm stuck in a Hell-I hate everything and can't see a life for me.my habits are I never build anything or save or plan,I only squander money or feel sorry for myself.I just want out--truth is I'd rather not live than be this way.im only happy when doing nothing, literally and somehow like being this way, like I'm hooked on a rotten lifestyle.
After writing this I'm open to attacks but that's a given.I'm trying to write what I feel but it's not coming out right... argh

[MrScary]

Jesus man. Take a deep breath

[Ginger2345]

You said you are happy when you are doing nothing, and if you have accomplished nothing in your life, then why are you not happy?

[MrScary]

Someone asked me that Ginger.I mean I, 'should' be happier or more ambitious -the world doesn't embrace failure.

[Ginger2345]

A small accomplishment for someone can be a HUGE accomplishment for another. Don't judge yourself using what you view as contemporary standards. View yourself in comparison to your personal standards. Small things can often make us feel better then the big things do. Like baking your favorite type of cookie(mine is oatmeal rasin) , or planting some flowers, or making someone else smile. By turning your focus to small things, the big terrifying, frustrating things lose that feeling of "impending doom" that makes so many of us feel like failures. For without enjoying the journey, the destination becomes meaningless.

[MrScary]

People used to ask me for advice, now... Hard to explain personal pain ,you know?it can all sound trivial in a thread----plus iPhones make for tricky typing---oatmeal raisin are amazing-I'm not big in the kitchen but love trying peoples cooking

[nitelight198073]

Have you seen a psychiatrist, you may need medication this may be a menal health issue

[Ginger2345]

having the ability to play music should help on the expression of pain part, but somehow I don't think that you would take advantage of that, too much work :) seriously think about finding what you do enjoy though, it's a pity to be miserable all the time. Unless you are like my friend, who was only happy when he is miserable, and then he got a new girlfriend.

[MrScary]

I was playing gigs up until last summer.when I'm down though... the music stops like me

[Ginger2345]

Try doing something that dosen't involve an audience approval rating

[Fr_Chuck]

So do nothing if that is what you want to, I know 100's of homeless people who meger a life begging for handouts and sleeping in shelters.

Or decide to change your life, it is never too late, change music styles if you want, find work in a music store. Heck play music on the side walk for money.

Only you can change and make you different

[Gemini54]

If you want to change then you have to start somewhere. In some way you must want something to happen, otherwise you wouldn't be writing to this forum.

If music is what gets you going and inspires you then start by getting together with friends and jamming. Get some enthusiasm flowing through your veins. Maybe do some busking, if that's possible where you live. Then move on to playing some more at gigs.

Get together with friends for a coffee, a meal, a drink, whatever. Take an interest in other people and their lives.

Move out of home - get someone else to take responsibility for your mother, if you can. If you can't, get help from Social Services to look after her needs some of the time.

However, I suspect that you've been in this rut such a long time that it will be really hard for you to make any moves to help yourself. I strongly suggest you speak to a professional counsellor who can assist you to rehabilitate yourself.

Please don't let your life go to waste, there is still time to make it happy and worthwhile.

[MrScary]

It's a rotten place to be gem- -- you never think you'll get this bad in life.it's more than depression---I feel as though I've lost my mind,really.

[heidijoanne]

Ask yourself these questions:


- Do you have a familly history of drug or alcohol abuse, depression or manic-depressive illness?
- Are you moody?
- Where you considered an underacheiver in school?
- Do you have trouble getting motivated to do things?
- Do you drum your fingers a lot, tap your feet, fidget or pace?
- When you read do you find you have to reread a paragraph or entire page because your daydreaming?
- Do you tune out or space out a lot?
- Do you have a hard time relaxing?
- Are you excessively impatient?
- Are you impulsive?
- Are you easily distracted?
- Even if you are easily distracted do you find there are times when you have super focus? LIke when you are actually interested in something?
- Do you often get excited about projects then not follow through?
- More than most, do you feel it's hard to make yourself understood?
- Do you procrastinate chronically?
- Do you smoke cigarettes? Find it impossible to quit?
- Do you drink too much?
- Is your memory so bad that if you go from one room to the next to get something you forget what you where going after when you get there?
- If you have ever tried cocaine, did you find it helped you focus and calmed you down rather than getting you high?
- Do you change the radio station in your car frequently?
- Do you wear out your TV remote changing chanells?
- As a kid, where you called words like, "lazy, daydreamer, clumsy, bad, disruptive"?
- In intimate relationships is your inability to linger over conversations make things hard?
- More than most people, do you hate waiting in lines?
- Are you the one that throws directions for everything to the side? You'll figure it out!
- Do you have a quick temper?
- Are you constantly having to watch yourself so you don't blurt out the wrong thing?
- Do you like to gamble?
- Where you extremely active as a child?
- Are you drawn to situations of high intensity?
- Do you often try to do the hard things, rather than what comes easy to you?
- Are you particularly intuitive?
- Do you often find yourself in situations without having planned them at all? (Ha Ha, story of my life!! )
- would you rather have your teeth pulled than make or follow a list?
- Are you constantly promising yourself to get organized and get your life together only to find that you are always on the brink of caos?
- Do you often find that there is an itch you can't scratch, an appetite for something more in life, your just not sure what it is?
- Would you describe yourself as hypersexual?
- Are you sometimes more flirtatious than you mean to be?
- Did you grow up in a chaotic family?
- Would you consider yourself to be an addictive personality?
- Do you find it hard to be alone?
- Do you often counter depressive moods with some sort of potentially harmfull compulsive behaviour? Drinking, drugs, sex, overeating etc..
- Do you have a really hard time tolerating frustration?
- Are you restless without "action" in your life?
- Do you find yourself obsessing over irrational worries?
- Do you frequently make letter or number reversals?
- Have you been the driver and at fault in at least four car accidents?
- Do you have a hard time reading a book all the way through?
- Do you handle money erratically?
- Do you find that structure and routine are rare in your life, and soothing when you find them?
- Do you struggle to maintain self esteem?
- Do you have poor hand - eye coordination?
- As a kid where you a bit of a clutz... now?
- Have you changed jobs a lot?
- Given an unexpected amount of free time do you often find that you don't use it well or you get depressed during it?
- Are you more creative and imaginative than most people?
- Is paying attention or staying tuned in a chronic problem for you?
- Are you usually eager to try something new?
- Do you find you often get depressed after a success?
- Do you feel you have failed to live up to your potential?
- Are you particularly restless?
- Where you a daydreamer in class?
- Do you have trouble accurately assessing the impact you have on others?
- Do you tend to approach problems intuitively? (Are you lead by your emotions?)
- When your lost do you tend to feel your way along rather than look at a map?
- Do you often get distracted during sex even though you like it?
- Did you have frequent ear infections as a child?
- Are you much more efective when you are your own boss?
- Are you much smarter than you have been able to demonstrate in life?
- Are you particularly insecure?
- Do you often forget what you where going to say just as you where about to say it?
- Are you claustrophobic?
- Have you ever wondered if you are crazy?
- Do you get the gist of things quickly?
- Do you laugh a lot?
- Do you find yourself waking up most mornings with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach... a feeling like something is wrong, a feeling that a sadness is tugging at your core and you just can't for the life of you figure out why?
- Do you feel a disconnection from friends and familly? Gets worse over the years?
- Do you find you have trouble being comfortable in social situations?
- Do you feel as though the world is against you at times?
- Do you have a feeling of being different than others? Find yourself studying people to try to figure out what it is your missing?
- Do you find you have isolated yourself from friends and familly over the years? And your not completely sure why?
- When certain sounds are made... snuffing, smacking gum, eating(smacking), ticking clock, etc... Do you find your anxiety level go through the roof? Like in a split second your brain feels like it's going to crack or split because of that surprise noise? Have you always wondered why you reacted so strongly to these noises? Did it ever make you feel weird or crazy?
- You loose more hope by the year because every time you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and promise yourself that this time you will try even harder only to be met with dissapointment and failure once again?
- Do you find that you are missing parts of your past as you get older? Can't remember details you know you should?
- Do you find that you are always trying to fix things in your life?
- Do you have a hard time not obsessing over certain thoughts?

[lavanyaa]

Try to take some meditation...
When you feel lazy and when you are having time to surf through net just go through the achievers history who had achieved beyond their lack I mean even if they are physically challenged... I'm too a laziest person my mom used to say this to me to read the bio data of the achievers who achieved in such a difficulties etc


God has given you a talent in music why don't u achieve with it man??

Don't u dream to be millionarie??


Just try to dream for attaining a good position in the world


According to me I have given this suggestion


God bless u

[Gemini54]

It's a rotten place to be gem- -- you never think you'll get this bad in life.it's more than depression---I feel as though I've lost my mind,really.

Hey, Mr Scary, you can choose to find your mind again. It will take time because you're SO used to being in another space - i.e. sort of spaced out - but, why sit in fear? Doing nothing must be worse that taking a few small steps towards regaining your mind and self.

Tell yourself that it's time to change. Decide that you'll get out of bed in the morning, open the blinds and do one small thing that's different on that day. It might be as small as having a haircut, or cleaning the kitchen.

Tell someone that you trust how you're feeling. You'd be surprised how compassionate and caring people are when you allow them to be. Don't give up - you don't have to let this happen to you - you can shift your perspective and start changing your life for the better.

[drea46750]

I am a lot like you. When you are use to being one way, it's hard to change. We know that we need to, but feel that we are not strong enough to. No matter how much medication you take, whe you stop taking it, the depression and problems are still there. In my opinion, medication only makes you forget about it for awhile or be oblivious to what is going on around you. You need to change one step at a time. You are important and you do have a purpose. It's just harder for some of us to find that. I almost committed suicide today, but if I did that, then I am a coward. That is the easy way out. What would that do to my family. I know that we feel that we are nothing, but we are something to someone. I just hold on to that.

[MrScary]

Thank you for the concerned answers, you'd make great friends. Drea , I think about similar solutions also.Heidi did you cut and paste?wow

[0rphan]

Hi...

The one positive thing about your post was the fact that you admitt that you are a good musician... hey!. what a fantastic ability, you now need to build on that statement.

You mention your mum is mentally disabled, which on a day to day basis will drag you down no matter how much you love your mum, occasionally some one else needs to care for her.

You need to arrange for a carer to come in ,even if it's every other day, that will give you ample opportunity to get yourself out, whether it's a walk around the park or down the local job centre, just to see if there are any muscians needed or even music teachers for a while or maybe you could do private tuition.

Only you can change your life, your not ill, you have the use of your limbs and you have a fantastic talent... you just need to make the first move and everything else will follow.

In the mean time make the effort get up in the mornings shower shave ,put yourself decent... yes I know you really can't be bothered, but think of your dear mum who raised you, surely you owe it to her... you only get one mum... perhaps you could when your ready, both go out if only for a change of air, a sit in the park, buy an icecream, have a go on a swing.. I did the other day... it was great.

I think you should make a plan to do something every day, whether it's make your bed, take out the trash or simply cook yourself and your mum a favourite meal.

Give it a go... it doesn't take a lot, just a bit of effort on your part

[cozyk]

You said you are happy when you are doing nothing, and if you have accomplished nothing in your life, then why are you not happy?

He is uninspired. He has no purpose. Nothing he gets excited about. So, doing nothing is the path of least resistance. Now, on the other hand, even if "nothing" is what he wants to be doing, deep down he knows this is not what it is SUPPOSED to be like. Therefore, the feeling of failure is depressing, which yields more inactivity, which yields more depression.

How is that op? Am I getting close? You may have a chronic biological depression that needs medication. It could get you out of the dump long enough to get on your feet, start going forward, and turn this vicious cycle around.