[vb201989]

Hey,

Here's the situation. My friend has this huge crush on her cousin's boyfriend. She is very close with her cousin and her boyfriend. She really wishes to have him as her boyfriend and still lamented that her cousin is still in love with him. I told her that she can't do that because it is wrong to steal him away from her cousin. I told her that she needs to let it go and be happy for her cousin and her boyfriend. Additionally, I told her that one day someone will come in her life and sweep her feet away. But, she still keeps talking about him. I wanted to set her up with someone, one of my guy friends, who really likes her, but the problem is she knows this guy and doesn't really like him too much. But, I really want to set her up with him... Can I do that or not? If not, then how can I give my friend advices about boyfriend and letting the issue about her cousin and the boyfriend go? Any advices are appreciated.

[talaniman]

Sometimes we can't protect our loved ones from themselves and they may have to learn the lessons of life on their own, the hard way. I hope you don't set her up, because with her attitude as it is, its not fair to the guy.

[chuff]

I actually think you should protect your guy friend from her and not set her up. He doesn't deserve to be put in this awkward situation.

I think she's got a thing for the cousin's boyfriend because he's unattainable. People want what they can't have, it gives the brain something to latch onto and fantasize about, which is what she's doing. Even if they broke up, she's got no business dating her cousin's ex.

[vb201989]

I have some feelings for my cousin's boyfriend. Here is a little bit of background. My cousin and her boyfriend grew up together since they were 7 and 8 years old respectively. Her boyfriend is in love with her for few years and until recently, about three months ago, my cousin return the feelings to him. I like her boyfriend for a while, like before they became the couple. But, her boyfriend did not return same feelings as I do, because he loves my cousin. I told my cousin how I felt about her boyfriend, and she told me that I need to move on and find someone who will likes me back. Do you think she is right and do you think you agree with my cousin about that? But, I can't move on, and I still like her boyfriend. I don't know, but I think I will stay single forever because obviously, the person I really like do not love me in a way I do. I know that it is wrong to break up my cousin and her boyfriend, because they do really love each other. But, somehow, I can't stop feeling upset because he really loves my cousin and want me to stay as his friend. How can I move on? Do you think that I will able to find someone else? I don't know if I can able to find someone that I would really love because there isn't any other guy that would be like my cousin's boyfriend. What should I do?!Also, I have another dilemma. My childhood friend, who I grew up with since we were eight years old really likes me but I do not like him more than friends. He repeatedly asked me out few times and each time I turned him down because I think it is wrong to say yes to him since I only love him as a friend. He is one of my best friends and I will always still needs him as my best friend, no matter what. But, his asking me out is getting tiring for me, and I do not know how to make him to understand how I feel. Any advices? Thanks for listening!

[darkdays]

It doesn't seem like you have much of a choice. You need to move on. He doesn't want you, he wants your cousin. If someone doesn't like you as much as you like them, then it will never happen.
Just like your other friend that likes you. You don't like him the same way, so what chance does he have. Think about that.

[Larken85]

I agree. But add, you are obsessed with your cousins boyfriend (guy A) and you are compairing all other men including your friend (guy B) to guy A. It really isn't fair to him to be compaired to another guy that you will never have a chance with. Even if he is the perfect boyfriend guy A will never be yours because he does not want to be. Also we have a tendency to want what we can't have, its always like that. But here is the thing, your cousin has her flag up on his body and heart, he is hers for the time being and it would be very wrong of you to take her boyfriend or try to. Go out with someone else and maybe you'll find the love you're looking for, but you have to look for a love that is possible. You can't complain about always being single if you are not actively looking at possibilities instead of the impossible.

[Showme_urmove]

First of all how old are you?

[Romefalls19]

Move on, he is off limits, he's dating a member of your family. She is right, go find someone else

[Devorameira]

You have to move on and find your own fellow. Family is important and you just don't step into any family member's territory.
He is totally off limits!

As for your friend asking you out. All you can do is to keep reminding him how important your friendship is with him and that you have no romantic interest at all in him. If he doesn't take the blunt truth from you, you may need to find another best friend.

[talaniman]

First it was your friend, now its you, Hmmmmm!
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-349012.html
You must be really young, or think the responses will be different with another post.

[vb201989]

Talaniman, the truth about the first post? It's basically all about me, not my friend because I did not really want to admit the truth, so yeah. And yeah, I think I was expecting different results, but so far, they all are same advices. FYI, I am 20 years old.

[talaniman]

That's old enough to know the folly of stealing a relatives partner, especially when that object of your attractions rejects you.

Thanks for your honesty, but give up what can become an obsession, that's unhealthy.

[vb201989]

I do not know if I will able to find someone because there won't be any one who would be like my cousin's boyfriend. He's everything that I look for in a guy... It's hard to move on... How can I move on? Oh well...

[amicon]

You move on because you have to-he is off limits.

The world is full of guys that you could date and get to know.

[talaniman]

If you give yourself some time, and stop looking for someone like him, I am sure you will find someone better.

Someone that wants to return your feelings with his own, and that's what makes them better. Maybe you should be dealing with more people besides him and your cousin, so you can see this for yourself. Right now, I think your world is to small, as there are billions of other people in the world besides the ones in your own very small circle.

What, you think great guys will just knock at your door? They have to know you exist first, so get a life will you, so you won't be stuck on just one guy.

What, are you scared or something to find out if I am right?

[vb201989]

Talaniman, no, I am not afraid to find out if you are right. I do have a life, for your information. But, I have specific requirements for what I need to look in guys. I have a lot of guy friends, but I prefer to date someone who is has same ethic background and same religion and same traditions as mine so it will be more easier. It's hard to find someone with these requirements, you know. And, this is really insulting of you to say that I get a life, will I, because I do have a life. I do not sit all day on the computer or play video games or whatever. I do go out and hang out with friends. Again, for your information, guys know that I do exist, and they know that I love them as friends. So, talaniman, think twice before you said something insulting to me.

[talaniman]

Oh please, don't get all haughty with me young lady, that changes nothing, as you're the one who cannot cope with the reality of your situation, and are stuck on someone you cannot have, not me.

Have a care before you insult me with your attitude! I get your particular about having a boyfriend, but you won't find one unless this obsession stops, or you put this idea where it belongs, in fantasy land.

Your crush will fade if you let it, by being happy with your own situation. We all get crushes from time to time, but seldom do we act on them when they are out of bounds. We humans cannot control having feelings, its what we do about them in real life that counts.

[vb201989]

Talaniman, how old are you, anyway? I am not getting haughty with you, and I did not mean to insult you with my attitude. I do admit, I am the one who can't cope with the reality. And, to be honest, I believe that being single is better off than going out with someone else since I do not want to hurt my childhood friend's feelings (I can't lose his friendship since it's too important to me considering all of the times we went through together, and if I date someone else, he said that he will not be my friend if I do, just because he still likes me a lot).

[talaniman]

I am 56, and have a LOT of life experiences, not all good, but not forgotten.

And, to be honest, I believe that being single is better off than going out with someone else since I do not want to hurt my childhood friend's feelings

Now I am confused because I thought this was about your cousins boyfriend? Same guy or what.

if I date someone else, he said that he will not be my friend if I do, just because he still likes me a lot

So in the name of friendship he holds you hostage to his demands? Now I am really confused. Please explain. I promise to be nice, but honest.

[amicon]

Well that's weird-your friend stops you from dating by using emotional blackmail?
Some 'friend'.

What about the crush-I thought you could never find somebody as good as him-thus not dating.