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advice4AK · May 1, 2009, 08:30 PM

I warned my new boyfriend that my younger sister and I are mortal enemies, but of course, being the friendly guy that he is, he made friends with her. My sister and I always compete... ((whos more popular? Who's prettier? Who's smarter? Who's better at this and that? Who has more fun? Who blah blah blah... )) The sad thing is is that my sister probably wins the more beautiful part. She's skinnier than me, she's blonde, she has a six pack, she dresses in hollister and such... (I dress in more punk, unique clothes, and I'm a boring brunette. Of course I'm not fat but my sister is skinnier)
Of course my boyfriend should love me for who I am, but he always talks about how awesome I would look blonde, and how cute I look in Hollister clothes.

He also gets along way too well with my sister. He talks to her all the time in a serious manner about stuff that is going on in her life and everything. I see her talking to him a lot online. I told him it makes me sort of uncomfortable how much he talks to her and he says she talks to him, but my sister told me he talks to HER.

Once our families were having a party together and being a good girlfriend, I decided to converse with his parents. The whole time my sister and my boyfriend were laughing and giggling on the other side of the table over some text messages they were sending to people.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, because my boyfriend says he would love me and that he wouldn't ever leave me because of another girl. I just hate the fact that my little sister lives up to the physical appearance he likes in a girl and he gets along with her too. If something ever happened between them I would have to pray to god to give me the strength not to kill my own sister. I'm extremely jealous.

Sometimes I should just satisfy him by living up to being the blonde, beachy Hollister, athletic and preppy type of girl he likes. But I'm not like that... I'm punkish, and artistic and rivals with my younger sister who is everything I am not when it comes to popularity.

I love my boyfriend despite my heart stabbing jealousy that sometimes boils over when he laughs with my sister, or talks to her online, or gives her advice, or makes a playful gesture towards her.
Can I even pretend to believe him when he says that he thinks I'm more attractive??

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

-Ak

jenniepepsi · May 1, 2009, 08:37 PM

Darling, I would say that explaining to him your feelings on the situation is all you can do. You can't really force him not to be friends with her. Maybe you can try to set up a double date with your sister and her boyfriend (or a boy she is interested in) and see if you can open up some more normal lines of communications with your sister.

And don't take your relationship with your sister to hard. Many sisters don't get along until adulthood. I'm sure as you grow older you will become the best of friends.

Vi Nguyen · May 1, 2009, 09:01 PM

This is some situation your in, I have a younger, skinnier sister also. You've got to step back and relax, has your sister got a boyfriend? If she's as hot as you think she probably has and the affection your seeing between your boyfriend and sister is just due to their linkage with you.
However, being jealous all the time will only make your life miserable and make the people around you uncomfortable. Realize that you can't control some things in life, if you must, just keep a discrete eye on them but don't let this jealousy run your life.
Just remember that you are unique and lovable, you shouldn't change just for a man's fancy. He probably adores you and is getting to know your sister because she's apart of you but if anything does develop then you should hope it happens early on in the relationship so you can get out of such a relationship, there's not much you can do about men who go for sisters (it's a fault of character) and such relationships will just eat you up.
So just relax, show your good side and how great you are to be around, as jealousy can make you look very unattractive and push those you love away.

wandeenorwood · Aug 10, 2009, 06:12 AM

If your boyfriend give a hoot he would listen to you and not spend time talking with your sister. It causes to many problems in a relationship. Your boyfirend should know.. It's just not a good idea!

wandeenorwood · Aug 10, 2009, 06:12 AM

If your boyfriend give a hoot he would listen to you and not spend time talking with your sister. It causes to many problems in a relationship. Your boyfirend should know.. It's just not a good idea!

sajjw · Aug 15, 2009, 10:28 AM

In my opinion both your sister and your boyfriend are being totally insensitive. How would either of them feel in your position? You need to explain to them both how it makes you feel that they behave this way.

sajjw · Aug 15, 2009, 10:28 AM

In my opinion both your sister and your boyfriend are being totally insensitive. How would either of them feel in your position? You need to explain to them both how it makes you feel that they behave this way.

IRISHSAINT26 · Aug 16, 2009, 08:31 PM

I do believe your sister is doing this to get to you, for the most part. Its competitiveness that drives the relationship between yourself and your sister is it not . Its like when you were kids and you had a toy and she wanted it, I don't think you should change who you are because that makes you stand out but I keep picturing pink streaks in those brown locks. I think out of respect for you he should chill out on the friendship between the sister and himself.I would be embarrassed if I was meeting someone's parents and they were flirting with my brother. Luckily we've always had boundaries and you know which ones not to cross. You've got to love and look out for each other though its family is 4life.

jmjoseph · Aug 16, 2009, 08:39 PM

I think you should keep your hair color, wear whatever you want, and tell your boyfriend how you feel. I think that they'll be having sex in no time. Flat. She'll do it to spite you, and he'll be too weak to say no. He's already smitten. But that's just my opinion. Good luck.( I always had a weakness for thick brunettes myself.)
(That was a self esteem booster).

plonak · Aug 16, 2009, 08:52 PM

Ok remember one thing in your life.. blood is thicker than water.. the relationship you have with your sister is more important than the relationship you have with your boyfriend... more than likely you will have lots of boyfriends in your life but you will have only one little sister.

I understand the whole jealously thing.. I have a younger sister that I feel is prettier than me. And it gets to me sometimes.. but that's life I guess and I don't punish her for it.

Now dealing with your current situation.. I think you need to drop this guy.. he is clearly showing signs that he's into your sister and isn't listening to you when you ask him to stop.. if he was truly for you and truly in love with you, he wouldn't continue a behavior that made you uncomfortable.

I suggest you talk to him once more, and if he still doesn't catch the drift, drop him and find someone who is worth your time...

Oh and as for the sister thing.. don't let her know that you are insecure around her because it will only make matters worse.. build on your confidence and really truly KNOW that you're a beautiful girl, worth a wonderful man

Ren6 · Aug 17, 2009, 10:57 AM

I used to have this sort of relationship with my younger, prettier sister. I was shy and unpopular, and the one time a boy showed any interest in me during high school, my sister worked night and day attempting to lure him away.

I would tell your boy friend how you're feeling. If he continues his insensitive behavior, do what I did- drop him. You don't need that in your life. If your sister is like mine, she'll lose interest in him when you do.
Good luck...

spoilsport · Sep 7, 2009, 06:01 AM

Ak. Stop watching comparing. If they get along its good. If you are not comfortable wearing the Hollister clothes tell it to your boyfriend if not try it out and se ehow it looks on you!

Stop being insecure. Wait to be introduced to your boyfriends parents. He will when he feels like it.
There will always be someone prettier, nicer, friendlier, smarter... than even your sister..
It's a matter of perspecive.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

misslady28 · Dec 22, 2010, 01:44 PM

I also have a younger sister four years younger than me she's 24 single (dating) and I'm 28 but she's taller, smart, attractive funny everything a man wants in my opinion. I have always felt that my boyfriend fancied her but we've been together for 4 1/2 years now and I still feel like this, I pray that I will not always feel this way jealous, uncomfortable thinking that if I bring my boyfriend around her for to long he may truly want her and not me, I guess that is selfish of me. I have brought this to his attention and he tells me he doesn't want my sister by the way I have two sisters but one is married. Sometimes I wish he could experience this, like maybe if he had a cousin or friend that actually liked me or something he would see exactly how it feels and would understand why I feel this way. I wish I wasn't such a damn sensitive person I wish I didn't give a freak about the smallest things in life! Perhaps then I could breath easier and be happier. But, anyway girl I know how you feel so you're not alone. We girls need to focus on the special things about ourselves and attain goals more so than a man. Yes love is good but we should have the confidence that if it isn't there tomorrow we will be OK and life will be fabulous without it.

allyjinxsphinx · Apr 10, 2012, 01:57 PM

Okay, sister, listen, sit down with your boyfriend (after you've decided you really want him) and talk to him sweetly about how you feel, if he doesn't appreciate your beauty, tell him to get lost because, if he doesn't like you for YOU, why doesn't he just date your sister? He's a waste of time if he's really into your sister! And I understand this, halfway, it's not my blood sister, but my sister from another mister! Or, next time you see them together, if you get too uncomfortable, go up and sit on his lap, flirt, hug him, or if your really desprate for attention kiss him! Ask your sis nicely for some "private time" or "future plans" or "the FAMILY situation of you guys," Maybe let your shirt slip up to reveal your belly, and let him have a glimse of your bra. Hang your pants down to show your undies, and stroke his hair. Don't go full out slut unless he likes that sort of stuff though.

AllyJinxSphinx