[Justwantfair]

We see this all the time and I flip-flop with which is of greater value.

I truly envy those fabulous relationships that manage to maintain both sides.

Often it seems that we must choose between passion and comfort in a relationship.

Passionate relationships tend to be more volitile. While maintaining passion and affection the parties have more emotional feuds and seem to spend more time bickering. Like you get the happy two ends of the emotional spectrum; Extreme love, passion and affection v. Extreme anger, hostility, fighting.

Comfortable relationships tend to be just that more comfortable and middle of the spectrum. While maintaining a compatible co-existance they seem to lack the passion and spontaneity of the passionate relationships, often complaining about feeling brother/sisterly and lacking the sexual elements that passionate relationships have.

1. Have you noticed this?
2. What type of relationship is yours?
3. If you feel you encompass both 'types' of relationships, do you have tips for keeping the passion in a comfortable relationship?
4. Which do you prefer (for those who understand and have experienced both)?

[simoneaugie]

"Romantic love, or passion is like a drug. It can not last." I can't remember where I read about that. Maybe someone can reference it, Debate it, whatever.

Passion can exist within comfort. It is not quite as "blind" but is more accepting of faults. This is true in my current relationship, for now. For us, it is that which is left. Once you close your eyes and open other senses, quit talking and just be with the other as friends. Once competing, comparing and one up-man-ship is tossed out of the mix, you find a sensual and spiritual partnership.

Being egotistical humans trying to survive in a world of faster and faster everything makes it really difficult to close the eyes, breathe and feel and quit talking all the time. Being comfortable and passionate... It isn't much different than a relationship you may have with a beloved pet. Hmmm, not sure that's the right analogy.

[shazamataz]

I'm a comfortable girl myself.

I'd rather have someone who is happy to veg out with me in front of the TV then have wild sex every night.

In saying that... passion can co-exist with comfort, without getting too graphic, vegging out in front of the TV one night, passionate love making the next :)

[Justwantfair]

I agree that there should be a happy medium.

I guess I just started wondering because my partner is very mild tempered.

There aren't any heated, emotional agruments and somehow it seems that because he is so emotionally controlled that we lack that happy passion at the same time.

I have dated men in the past that were more passionate, they were also more moody. I guess in my mind I see that they hit both ends of the emotional spectrum between love and anger.

This relationship is so middle of the spectrum, just comfortable. Lacking affection and passionate sex.

I keep reading it over and over again on the relationship board one or the other.

We fight all the time, but I love him/her.

Or

Our relationship is great, but our sex life is not.

[kp2171]

I need some balance, with enough passion to keep me sane.

If I follow chapman's five love language's advice, and look at which of the five I naturally need most (physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, acts of service) I always rank physical touch and words of affirmation as my highest needs, while I tend to act through acts of service and physical touch most, with words of affirmation being right up there.

Meaning that physical closeness is just important to me, and that doesn't mean keeping a chalkboard beside the bed. I like to be chased. I like a partner who needs my kiss. I don't need a lot of approval or back patting. Seek our my hand with yours and it is comforting. I'm usually the one chasing the other... which I don't mind doing most of the time... but I also need some quid pro quo.

A lover who will push me against the wall for a needed kiss will do more good in that brief moment than she could with kind words all day long.

But then I like naughty girls who are mostly nice. I'm just wired the way I am. Not saying that sex is the end all be all to a relationship for me... but I do need to be chased some... and when that is missing, I feel it quite strongly.

[Justwantfair]

My partner and I share a quality time love language.

Following that he is an act of service, which I am OK with.

I am a physical touch, which is his most difficult love language.

We have in the past tried some of the suggestions for communicating through each others love languages... but sometimes, you can tell what is forced and what is genuine.

If you aren't on the same page, it is hard to feel fulfilled.

[kp2171]

I agree completely.

[mudweiser]

My past relationship, and really only one was passionate.

It's an emotional rollercoaster. There are big bangs, good and bad.

It gets irritating. The arguments are loud, the but sex is on fire.

Personally, I wish to never be in another passionate relationship--- BUT I don't want to be in a boring snoring one either.

Just my opinion.

Sarah

[kp2171]

All I want is what I want when I want it.

How is that so complicated?

[Justwantfair]

But if you get all you want when you want it...
What about me getting all I want whenever I want it??

I need a true giver ;)

I am done with the compromising!

[kp2171]

I know. I know. Kidding.

That's actually what I say about babies... they're quite content when they get everything they want when they want it...

Comes back to balance. I like to chase, but need to be chased too.

[shazamataz]

The thrill of the chase is scary for me :eek: I'm always worried I'm chasing some guy that doesn't even like me.

I much preffer being chased ;)