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Anonymous_lover · Apr 28, 2009, 07:54 PM

My best friend Hannah and I have been best friends for 4 years, and our bond is beyond strong. You can say it's scary how we even complete each others sentences. About a year and a half ago I became really good friends with this guy Manny and so all three of us started haging out a lot. I tried to make a subtle move on him because I had a crush on him (Hannah didn't know). He didn't pick it up, so he and Hannah started talking and they ended up dating. In any case, they made a year last Saturday and It's driving me crazy. He's my best friend too, you know I'm always at his house, he's always at mine. We're like the three musketeers and inseparable but I'm madly in love with him and the feelings seem to not subside. I'm completely head over heels like bad. And I just wish what if he would have picked me instead of her? I obviously can't profess my love because of Hannah and I don't want to ruin any of my friendships. What should I do? I love Manny :'(

Fuzzball_Kara · Apr 28, 2009, 07:58 PM

This guy is a big no no. Any guy who is already in a relationship is out of boundries... but your best friend's boyfriend? Yeah you need to find someone else to crush on. You don't have to let this hurt you. If you feel it's really hurtful, maybe you shouldn't hang around them so much and do something else like join a club a make new friends. There are so many guys that are out there waiting for you to go get them! Good luck!

shazamataz · Apr 28, 2009, 08:50 PM

I didn't really read your post... didn't need to.

He is not yours, you can't have him.

ylaira · Apr 29, 2009, 01:55 AM

Don't go out with Hannah if Manny is around. Avoid seeing him as much as possible.

Dragonfly1234 · Apr 29, 2009, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

I didn't really read your post... didn't need to.

He is not yours, you can't have him.

That's not what she's asking.

Justwantfair · Apr 29, 2009, 07:52 AM

Doesn't Manny have any guy friends, sounds to me like being the third wheel is where all of these feelings are coming from.

If he is the only guy around and you are in this age group, then of course, he becomes the object of your affections.

Time to bring in a fourth wheel or it's time to separate from the third wheel routine. You should not be spending time with Manny at all at this point. Avoid situations that include only you and Manny and situations involving only the three of you. It's time to branch out and make some friends outside of this circle.

liz28 · Apr 29, 2009, 08:02 AM

Don't cross the lines by acting on these feelings you have for Manny unless you want to lose a valuable friendship with a friend that never did you wrong. Friends are hard to find nowadays.

Stop focusing on something you can't have because your only stopping yourself from findind happiness.

Time to get out there and enter the world of dating. You might have to kiss a few frogs to find your prince but in time your find someone for you and who is single and available.

roxypox · Apr 29, 2009, 09:12 AM

Like Just and Liz pointed out... it really is time for you to branch out and find someone new, someone who is single and available.

Start dating, join a club of some sort, or what ever else that comes to mind were you meet new people.

I don't know how old you are but if you're in school (HS or Uni) or work somewhere that might be a good place to start.

I agree with Justy, I do think that this hurt-feeling your experiencing might very well come from being the third wheel, and obviously you want something you can't have... You should cut back on your time with Manny, as well as time where its just the three of you. I understand if this is hard to do. These are your two closest friends, but sometimes we need to protect ourselves (emotionally) in order to move on.

Best of Luck!

Roxy

I wish · Apr 29, 2009, 09:25 AM

The thing is, there's not much you could have done differently. You said that you made subtle moves to show that you were interested, so if he was interested, he would have replicated. It turns out that he's attracted to your best friend instead.

As painful as it is for you, you should be happy for them. They sound like two of the most important people to you, so be glad that they're happy and that you're so close to them as a best friend.

It's time for you to back away from being the whole third wheel. It's just going to cause you more pain. The best would be for you to let them hang out on their own and just see your best friend separetely, until you're over the guy. Then you can hang out with them again. During the time apart, you should find some new friends.

If you really don't want to back away, then definitely bring in a fourth wheel. Often, people are friends with people who have similar character traits. So I'm sure the guy must have someone in mind that he can set you up with?

roxypox · Apr 29, 2009, 10:06 AM

I Wish: had to spread the rep... good post and good suggestions!

shazamataz · Apr 29, 2009, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by Dragonfly1234

That's not what she's asking.

Yes, it is.
She likes her friends boyfriend.
She can't have him as he is already taken... simple answer.

ak_847 · Apr 29, 2009, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Anonymous_lover

My best friend Hannah and I have been best friends for 4 years, and our bond is beyond strong. You can say it's scary how we even complete each others sentences. About a year and a half ago I became really good friends with this guy Manny and so all three of us started haging out a lot. I tried to make a subtle move on him because I had a crush on him (Hannah didn't know). He didn't pick it up, so he and Hannah started talking and they ended up dating. In any case, they made a year last Saturday and It's driving me crazy. He's my best friend too, you know I'm always at his house, he's always at mine. We're like the three musketeers and inseperable but I'm madly in love with him and the feelings seem to not subside. I'm completely head over heels like bad. And I just wish what if he would have picked me instead of her? I obviously can't profess my love because of Hannah and I don't want to ruin any of my friendships. What should I do? I love Manny :'(

Whether he is interested or not doesn't matter.. forget him he's your best friends boyfriend.. trust me relationships and love these are the most bullsh**t words in the dictionary.. you don't have any guarantee if a relationship will last and in your case I don't feel it will last but you have 99% guarantee friendship will last forever.. choose what do you want.. your call

ylaira · Apr 29, 2009, 12:13 PM

Some people may say, "You can still have a chance. They're not yet married. If their love for each other is so strong, they will make it whatever happens."

But this thing will result the end of your friendship with Hannah whether you win or not. You may also lose both of them.

Romefalls19 · Apr 29, 2009, 12:41 PM

::Shakes his head::

This is dangerous ground, I suggest you ignore these feelings if you cherish your friendship at all.

Dragonfly1234 · Apr 29, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Yes, it is.
She likes her friends boyfriend.
She can't have him as he is already taken... simple answer.

No she's not. She's here asking for advice, not asking to be judged. It's these kind of remarks that make people who want help, afraid to ask for advice.

Fuzzball_Kara · Apr 29, 2009, 03:08 PM

She's asking for what she should do and Shaza told her what advice she needed. We weren't judging her but trying to tell her that friend's boyfriends are a no no

Dragonfly1234 · Apr 29, 2009, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by Fuzzball_Kara

She's asking for what she should do and Shaza told her what advice she needed. We weren't judging her but trying to tell her that friend's boyfriends are a no no

I think she knows that much, that's why she feels conflicted and is seeking advice. Telling her that there's no need to read her post to know she's in the wrong is not very constructive in my opinion. I didn't give her a red but I feel that post is unnecessary.

Anonymous_lover · Apr 29, 2009, 07:55 PM

Thank you everyone... it's helped a lot... but see here's the thing, I just broke up with my boyfriend that I was with for 5 months. Long story short I would always compare him to Manny and I realized in the end I wanted my relationship to parallel Manny and Hannah's relationship. So I've tried but I think I just need to get away from Manny for a while, but its just hard because we have 3 classes together and I see him almost everyday (we're in our freshman year of college btw)

So thanks again to everyone.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2009, 07:45 AM

So your relationship didn't work because you wanted what they have, and now you want what she has.

Can't you see your around them too much and are jealous because you don't have what someone else has?

That's not healthy, and your around them to much, and are letting that jealousy over rule good common sense.

You may be attracted to her fellow, that's normal for us humans, given you see him so much. But you are out of bounds, and really do need to separate yourself from them, and not cause any confusion.

liz28 · Apr 30, 2009, 08:09 AM

I think your more in love with the idea of being in love than really being in love with Manny.

You see up close and personal how he treats your friend and you want that. You want a guy to treat you the same way he treats her and that is why you find yourself comparing what you have to him.

I do give you respect for not acting on this feelings because some people would have. At least you know better.

Just limit yourself around them and start hanging around other people and put yourself back out there.